Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Hey Mamabear and Welcome to this site....

I want to say shame on your husband for not listening to your cries for help but I know from experience that he just "DOES NOT GET IT'. I am a wife of a CG and I can honestly say that I did not get it and wanted to ignore the signs and even the lies. We have always had money and I just wanted to beleive that my DH(dear Husband) needed his out with gambling. But when he lost his job (due to gambling issues) and had to admit to me that he had thousands in gambling bank loans and friends loans, I knew we needed help. GA has helped him immensely.

Maybe you can get your DH to read this site or yall could discuss the 20 questions(with GA) so he will understand this illness. You do not just "snap out of it" You need help understanding the Pull this addiction has and the "flaw" you have that causes you to gamble. We all have flaws but some are more damaging to us than others. The man named Jesus was the only person in history that was sin free.
My DH has always been a risk taker. It has made him a successful business man. And he is a great person. The deceit and lies were so hard and still hard to forgive. But we are working on this daily. He is paying his debts. Many "friends" told him he just needs to file bankrupt because of his job loss but I keep fighting it. We owe these banks and I want to pay them if it takes him getting another job.

I want you to know that I will pray for you. Pray and support will help you. But somehow you need to get your husband to help you with your recovery. I am controlling all our money. But what is scary is that I have always paid our bills. DH was still able to hide things from me.

My DH has been GF now for 5 months. He is working on this daily with his GA friends. Do you have one in your area???

Please know that ending your life is only solving your temporary problem with a permanent solution. YOur children need you and nothing you do will stop their love for you. This gambling set back does not define you. YOu are a mother that can not be replaced. I care about you and hope you can get your DH to help with your recovery. Is he worried about what people will think???

Praying for you
Georgia

Step One- We admitted that we were powerless over gambling, that our lives had become unmanageable. ( notice how it says nothing about your late mother, your hubby, your kids, your job, your feelings....... it speaks only about you and gambling and how the gambling affects you.)

Admitting powerlessness.......for me, it means that once I start gambling I don't stop. I continue to gamble until it causes problems in all aspects of my life....my life becomes unmanageable.
There is a solution, of course, a simple one......Stop gambling!...... and stay stopped.

On the subject of your hubby....... No, he doesn't understand, yes, he's angry and hurt........ he doesn't understand why he should go to counseling; maybe it's because he's not an addict, he don't have a gambling problem, maybe the addict in the family needs to get to a counselor. If you were an alcoholic would it be his responsibility to stop drinking for you?

For me, it all started with taking personal responsibility for my situation. I needed to admit that all of my problems were the result of poor choices and bad behaviors on my part....... the other people in my life were my victims, not a part of my problem.

Today, you have choices........ go out gambling or not go out gambling...... attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings...... see an addictions counselor...... self-ban yourself from the casinos.......continue to read and write here on this site on a daily basis....... check out other on-line sites....... speak with your priest or pastor.......
There are things you can do about your situation....... first, of course, is to not make things even worse by choosing to gamble. Just for this one day, don`t gamble. Remember, the problem is not gambling; the problem is that you choose to gamble. First you must deal with your gambling problem, then you`ll find that all the other seemingly unmanageable aspects of your life will sort themselves out. But, it has been our experience that if you continue to gamble that things are going to get progressively worse and worse........ gambling, for a compulsive gambler, never ends well.

I understand the madness crashing about inside yourhead at this time........ the money, the bills, the guilt, the relationships, the confusion, the baffling nature of the disease, the self-loathing, the seeking of someone or something to solve it all, the anger and the fear........ I`ve been there. Most everyone here has been there. It`s been my experience that we cannot deal with all these issues at one time, it`s too much for us. I needed to chop it up into smaller, more easily managed pieces, dealing with what I can today, and letting the rest go until later.

A really good place to start, I learned........Just for today, I will not gamble.

That was when it started to get better.

Mamabear --

these feelings of hopelessness you have right now will pass.... Only you have the ability to change your life. Get help. Speak to a professional. Sometimes the people closest to us have a hard time dealing with our addictions because they dont want to accept the fact that we are defective in any way. That's why online support groups and GA can be so helpful. Do whatever it takes to stop this madness in your life so you can be there for your kids.

It's not easy. We've all been where you are and some of us still are. Love yourself and be strong. We are there for you.

Maybe your husband's attitude will change once you start your road to recovery. Do whatever it takes to recover and PROVE to him that you
DID have a problem and now you are on your way.

I really feel for you. Try everything you can to get help for yourself. I am sorry that your husband isn't open to counselling. I haven't told my partner for the same reason, he probably won't get it. So I am not ready to tell him. I don't know if I ever will. That is something I will have to mull over for awhile.

The best you can do right now is work on your recovery. Once your husband sees that you are serious about getting help and recovering, he may be more open to it.

Don't forget that we are all in the same boat one way or another. But the thoughts and feelings are the same.

*BIG HUG*

I don't know how much help I can be but I just want you to know that I know how you feel, I have an addiction to buying lottery tickets and honestly my Mother's illness and eventually death did seem to intensify my buying the tickets. I know this is a very hard thing to explain to your husband, my husband is about the same way yours is, with the attitude, "snap out of it" easier said then done. I have been married almost 18 years and I am not a wasteful person at all and I cannot understand why this money I waste on the lottery is so easy to just throw away. Coming here is a good choice to make because these people have been where you are and they can and will try to give you encouragement when you need it. I have found it helpful and I believe you will also.
There's always hope as long as there is a tommrow. Wishing you the best

MamaBear, My husband was like yours....just wanted me to stop gambling...just "fix it" myself...that was the first time. The second time I had to tell him I couldn't pay the bills because of gambling he was....angry, hurt and resentful...all rightfully so...again - he wanted me to "fix" it. Well needless to say there of course came a third time. What was different this time is that I had made the decision to quit prior to telling him about the $$ situation. I also found this site prior to telling him and gained a lot of insights and strength from our brothers and sisters here at DS. So armed with my newfound confidence I told him what was going on...I handed him the debit and credit cards...the checkbook and all the bills and I walked out of the room. When we later discussed it I told him I would NOT be responsible for any of the money as I obviously CANNOT be responsible. I told him if he loved me enough he would take over control of all finances. He did. He gases up the car, I provide receipts for when I go to the store alone - he gives me the cash on the way out the door. Yes it is humiliating and frustrating and makes me at times feel like a resentful child...but MOST of the time I feel that a huge burden has been lifted off of me. There are no more secrets...there is no gambling...as gams always say No money = No gambling.

Hubby and I are now working through his issues of anger and resentment towards me....trust needs to be repaired. I'll keep working at it...some days are not easy...but I am hopeful.

Read lots of journals - the people here are traveling the same road as you. My prayers are with you.

Kay

I am the spouse of a CG...and would fall on my knees and thank God if he asked me to go to counseling or go to GA with him.

I'm in your shoes...I want to go to counseling to work on my trust issues and my newly discovered professional victim/ emerging control freak status. I think it's up to us INDIVIDUALLY to get help if spouses or partners won't go or don't see the reason for it.

Therapy is a place to feel supported....a place to vent and work on understanding why you feel the way you do. Therapy might give you the courage to admit that "extra" debt but also show that you have thought out a plan for dealing with it.

Mama...do it for yourself. Get to therapy. I am so proud of you that you want to work on this and face it....good for you. Nothing wrong with needing a hand to get through. Sometimes spouses come around when they see the huge effort one is making to "fix" things. Be patient....and keep coming back here. It's helped me as a spouse of a CG...tremedously.

Hang in there.....we're with you!!!

Cantervilleghost