Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

While your spouse is working on his/her own 12-step program, perhaps you may consider focusing on the 12-steps for the family members of a gambler:


Please consider the following from a Gam-Anon site and GamAnon's 12-steps listed at the bottom of this post:


"It has been observed that it is often more difficult to encourage a partner to attend Gam-Anon than it is to get a gambler to attend Gamblers Anonymous. Partners and family members believe that if the gambler stops his or her gambling behaviour, their own problems will cease.


Since the family and the gambler share many of the same feelings (e.g., anger, helplessness, guilt, depression, frustration) and behaviours (e.g., lying, blaming, denying) as the gambler, they need as much assistance as the gambler.


It has also been observed that gamblers engaged in the GA program who have a partner involved in Gam-Anon tend to have better recovery and family relationships. The explanation is that through their growth in their respective recovery programs they develop a mutual understanding and acceptance of each other’s strengths and weaknesses as well as better communication skills."


Below is a list of those recovery steps:

"Gam Anon List of Recovery Steps


1. We admitted we were powerless over the problem in our family.


2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living. [Gam-Anon states that a belief in a Higher Power along with an honest look at themselves will help to resolve their fears, worries and suspicions.]


3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this power of our own understanding. [Step three is the willingness to accept the will of a Higher Power and to let go of self-will. Self-will is said to be at the very root of bitterness, worries and unhappiness among Gam-Anon members.]


4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. [This can be a very difficult step since most Gam-Anon members have been blaming the gambler for his or her own shortcomings. Gam-Anon provides a list of personal assets and liabilities to use as a guideline when working on step four.]


My Daily Moral Inventory

Liabilities - watch for:

Self-pity
Self-justification
Self-importance
Self-condemnation
Dishonesty
Impatience
Hate
Resentment
False Pride
jealousy
Envy
Laziness
Procrastination
Incincerity
negative thinking
Vulgar, immoral
Trashy thinking
Criticizing


Assets - Strive for

Self forgetfulness
Modesty
Self-valuation
Honesty
Patience
Love
Forgiveness
Simplicity
Trust
Generosity
Activity
Promptness
Straightforwardness
Positive thinking
High minded, spiritual
Clean thinking
Look for the good


5. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. [In this step one seeks out a person who can be trusted to share the information from his or her fourth step inventory. As the person “unloads” his or her past, a feeling of freedom and piece of mind enables him or her to continue growing in recovery.]


6. Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed. [Recognizing and owning personal character defects in steps four and five now allow members to bring about positive change. Gam-Anon states that many of their members begin working on self-pity and resentment towards their long-term goal, which is peace of mind.]


7. Humbly ask God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings. After becoming well aware of one’s shortcoming, help is now required in order to change. [Having made a decision to turn one’s will over to a Higher Power in step three, it is time to humbly ask Him to remove one’s shortcomings.]


8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. [Step eight asks for a list to be made of all those harmed. Early on it can be difficult to realize how one has harmed so many people. Harsh punishment, misdirected anger and criticizing others can be common reasons for harming family, friends or co-workers.]


9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. [Making amends to those harmed is an opportunity to bring about change in the spirit of love, kindness and general well-being. Step nine also states that one should be careful not to hurt anyone in the process of making amends.]

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. [Complacency can lead back to old feelings and behaviours. Step ten asks to reflect on oneself on a daily basis to evaluate one’s own progress or shortcomings. Step ten also requires the person to admit to any wrongdoing immediately. Following this step will lead towards spiritual growth and serenity.]


11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and the power to carry that out. [This step will open the door to a new and more spiritual way of living. It is suggested to start each day with a prayer or thought of one’s Higher Power to make each day a better day.]


12. Having made an effort to practise these principles in all our affairs, we tried to carry this message to others. [Having had some measure of success in working through the other steps, it is now time to carry out the main purpose of the Gam-Anon program, which is to help others who are still suffering from the gambling problem in their home.]

Reprinted with permission of Gam-Anon iso P.O. Box 570157 Whitestone ny 11357-0157"


I know this is a lot of information... my hope is it will be of help to you.