Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Being the spouse of an in denial Compulsive Gambler is a very horrible existence and very overwhelming situation.

It also is a VERY serious situation.

Not one to be taken lightly and not one to think… it will go away on its own.

If you are at your wits end and are ready to take a stand for yourself (and children if you have children at home), you must make a move of some kind for YOURSELF.

Your particular situation must be considered (is your spouse abusive, do you work, do you have family to whom you can turn, etc.?)

If you do not take a stand and make a move of some kind, you are subject to lose everything you have. You will suffer on a long-term basis, if you do not act soon.

A CG has no boundaries… they are illogical, irrational, and are incapable of thinking beyond making their next bet… no matter what they tell you (e.g., I am not gambling, the online gambling site I sit in front of for hours is free. What they are telling you is not true).

As hard as it may be for you, by taking a move and doing some very practical things very well may be a new beginning for you (and your children if you have any). And it also may be an awaking for the CG spouse if that is possible at this point.

If your CG spouse is unwilling to admit she/he has a problem and will not get help, you have no alternative then to make something happen for yourself (but it is for YOU, not the CG – YOU CANNOT FIX A CG).

A few practical things the spouse of a CG can do...

1. If you work, open your OWN bank account and have all of your money put into that account. Save as much as you can so you can in the event you need to find a place of your own.

2. Meet with you bank, explain your CG spouses situation (banks are very understanding… they have seen this problem grow exponentially over the past couple of years… they can advise)

3. If you spouse is violent, find a domestic abuse shelter and talk with them about your situation... they can advise and put you in touch with local organizations that can further help.

4. Contact an attorney who does not charge a consultation fee to talk. See what can be done do separate your and spouses finances – it is called (at least in Florida) “Dissipation of Marital Assets” (especially those debts which have incurred since the marriage which went toward gambling.

5. If you have joint credit cards – call and CANCEL THEM TODAY, even if there is a balance. Let the credit card company know a family member is a compulsive gambler and is using the cards irresponsibly.

6. Get your own post office box and do asap. You can intercept mail - yours and spouses... you can tear up credit card applications, shred credit cards that may have been applied for, monitor exactly what monies are owed, see if credit has been taken out in your name and call those companies and have the accounts closed asap.

7. Put a credit lock on your credit... no one but you can open credit in your name without the password you set up. I use Equifax, it cost me $2.00 a month. www.equifax.com

8. Open a credit check, again with Equifax, it cost me $12.95 a month. It notifies me of any fluctuaions in credit activity.

9. Read books by Melody Beatty on Co-Dependency. Those books and this site, helped me get my head out of the sand, stand up, recognize what I was up against and that I was being taken financially by the droves and would be penniless when I retired. Only upon finding this site and reading the books, did I recognize what I was truly up against.

I begged, pleaded, prayed, argued, fought, understood, stayed silent, threatened, asked my spouse to get help, did not put spouse in jail when credit was fraudulently taken out in my name and courtesy checks sent to me were forged (which I am still paying to this day)... nothing moved spouse. The problem only got deeper and deeper.... spouse now is in total denial and now is in a very deep fantasy world.

From what I hear here rock bottom is the only place a CG will hit that may help them... and then it will only be if they take the long arm that reaches down to help them (some do, and some don't).

My spouse of 17 years has agreed to leave the house once I pay $20,000 (part of the equity in the house - my state is a no-fault, community property state for
married couples)...

We have played this horrible game for 10 years of our 17 year marriage. We have a disabled son.

My only stay in life right now is getting a better, stable, and consistent environment for me and my son. My spouse does not have the ability, capability, or desire to do anything but get money and gamble it away.

Take a stand as quickly as you can. It will not get better for you (or your children) until you do something different.

I wish I had done the things I suggest above 2 to 5 years ago... It would have saved a lot of heartache for me and my disabled son, and I would be debt free at this time.

Your situation is VERY, VERY serious. It will not improve by ignoring it. It will not change by you thinking you can change it. Just know: You cannot change it. You did not cause it. You cannot control it.

You can only take care of you (and children), get yourself well, and do what needs to be done to separate from the problem. The CG spouse got into this him/herself... only him/her can get out.

It will be hard... but they have to first acknowledge they have a problem (to their self) and seek help and support.

Here is a link to the Gambler Anonymous for the CG:

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org

Here is a link to Gam Anon for the family member of a CG:

http://www.gam-anon.org - call the number for your area... they care, they will send you material.

Contrary to popular belief... Gambling is not a game... it is a life sucking, destructive force.

Blessings, {{{hugs}}}. Best of the day to you. This is hard. But YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE WORTH IT.

YOUR spouse is a big person… IF he/she can scheme enough to get money to gamble, they can scheme enough then to get money with which to put a roof over their head and buy food… do not feel sorry for him/her.

Stick with this ds site, people here care and they have lots of experience that they can share with you. Take care of YOU, do not try and fix your CG spouse.

Today I (and YOU) have a choice. Deb