Foster Care Support Group

I am a foster mom and I have dealt with some of the same issues but with a child must younger and sad to say I was almost scared of him. I could not get any help from the case worker we finally had to ask for him to be removed. We had to fight to get him out of the home and it should not be that way. You need to do what is best for you home and family first. Don't feel bad if you send him back you did the best you could. Good luck.

Depending on his background, this kid has been through a lot. From everything I have read and learned, this behavior is normal for him. He expects you to give him up, same as everyone else. The decision is yours and it is not an easy one. My son was 4 when he came here (from abuse and neglect.) It was 2 1/2 years before the adoption was final. I am dealing with PTSD, RAD and ADHD. I am not thinking bipolar just yet. We have had him almost 9 years now. He is 12 going on 13. We have been in counseling now since he was 5 and expect to go to counseling until he is 18 or older. He has anger issues. And trust me, I am 5' 1" and he is 5' now. So it can still be scary. He is also on Adderall for his ADHD. One psychiatrist wanted to put him on psyche meds, but no way. I am not that desperate.

I have been to parenting classes, read books, counseling, etc. my husband and I chose not to give up. It is not easy some days. Got holes in my walls when he loses control. But I love him and I still have hope and I see the man he could be. Deep down, he has a huge heart and is very loving. I could not give him up. I could not give up on him.

Based on what I saw, my opinion, just reading this little bit, he is afraid you are going to give him away. He feels out of control and is trying in his way to control the situation the only way he knows how. This is a daunting task to overcome this. I saw this and more with my son.

One HUGE thing that helped us was karate. My son has been going since he was 5. I see a different kid when he walks through those doors. I get SO choked up! He is incredible! 2nd degree black belt in Tang Soo Do now and he also does Haidong Gumdo, which is Korean sword martial arts. I have also met some of the most wonderful parents there. But it is so amazing to see him there! His concentration, discipline, etc is incredible. It is there that I TRULY see his potential. He has been going for 7 1/2 years, so this doesn't happen overnight.

Your son has been from place to place for however long. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, that fear of being alone. That feeling of not having any home. It has got to be so scary for him. My son in the beginning owned NOTHING. He was plopped on my door step with a brown paper bag full of used clothes, so worn I could not read the sizes on the tags. Not a single toy. It broke my heart.

It will get better but only with time, help, counseling, permanency, and a whole lot of love and patience! We do have those days when life is perfect and that makes it all worth it. My son is camping (with his former foster mom!) for 1 1/2 weeks. Yep. We have kept in touch with her all of these years. Can you tell I miss him? He did call a short while ago to say "I love you mommy." The day the TPR came through and he KNEW no one would ever take him away, is when I truly began to see him heal and change. And I mean that day. For the 2 1/2 years before that, it was rough.

1st, you need desperately to get him some serious help. 2nd, do some soul searching. This sounds like a long term committment to turn this little guy around. And it won't be easy. But if he continues to move around, it is only going to take longer and get harder for him.

Best of luck to you. You are welcome to PM me if you have any questions or want to talk. Oh, and for me, being a Christian, prayer helps a lot! Would never have survived without it!

Wow, you must really be heart broken. My husband and I are waiting to become therapeutic foster parents. I can only give you my opinion you have to search your heart to make the final decision. If I was you I would not take nothing he say personally, because he is hurting and appears to be a very angry boy. He is only taking it out on you because you is there. He is testing you to see if you will give up on him. Hang in there and try communicating with him to see whats going on with him. Children who have been abused or neglected also have many needs that are made worse when they are removed from their birth families. You did not mention whether he was a therapeutic foster child. If so, you may need to use your support resources. For example, case worker. May God Bless you both and I pray that things work out.

Well, I feel like a complete failure, but after two days of a weekend where I was counting the hours until I could go back to work on Monday, today I submitted my request to DHS to have him removed. I was nauseous and sick all day about it, but when we got home tonight and we had another battle I called his caseworker and gave her a day to get him out. His behaviour has escalated so rapidly and becoming so violent that whatever I was beginning to feel for him has been snuffed out. I wish him the best, but it is so obvious that I have no idea of what to do with him. He deserves to be with someone who actually knows how to give him the patience and help that he needs. I Thank you everyone for your suggestions and support.

i havent read any of the responses from others. i rarely read posts or threads in the support groups. the only reason i came here to read this is because someone that was once a foster child saw this thread and is very upset. i plan on providing foster care in the near future, and ive been made to promise that id never give up on a child. so my response to you is please dont give up on him and pour your love into him. i swear in the end, no matter what the situation, love always wins. your heart really has to be in the right place to be a foster parent- i hope yours is. i wish you the best.

I have been a foster mom. You and your family must be safe. Your family is your priority - then accepting someone to become part of that family is great but do not destroy your household.