What is Foster-Care
Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in "parent(s)" cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adult...
Join Now
|
Foster parents to niece and nephew
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
My husband and I have been raising my 11 year old niece and 14 year old nephewfor the past 5 months. My sister is mentally ill and CPS granted us temporary care.
We agreed to take care of my niece and nephew because we wanted them to be with family but it has been difficult for us. My husband and I are both medically retired on a fixed income. Our retirement checks that we get are just enough to pay our mortgage, pay for our bills and buy groceries. The small amount of money that the state gives us to feed the kids is nowhere near enough. The cost of groceries keeps going up and up. I have started making lots of homemade soups, stews and lots of beans in order to make ends meet and to be able to feed everyone in the family. When they came to us they had very few clothes so CPS gave us a voucher to be used at JC Penney to buy them some clothes. Needless to say the voucher did not go a long way so we had to buy the children things with our own money. The kids have supervised visits with their mom and dad and when they come back from the visits they are moody, defiant and disruptive. Both children are in counseling but it doesn't seem to help very much. My niece is extremely selfish and self centered and my nephew is most times confrontational. From the time they were very little my husband and I were strict with our children we feel that we raised pretty good kids. With my niece and nephew we are trying to change 11 and 14 years of bad behavior and it often feels like we are banging our heads against a brick wall. How do we deal with this and still keep our sanity???? Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. Posted on 06/24/09, 11:06 am |
| 7 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
If you don't want the children "in the system" then you have to call their CPS worker or whatever agency granted you custody. Do the children have Medicaid? If so, get them into therapy, and have the CPS worker help you with that. It's part of their job to make sure the children are receiving what they need. Obviously, visits with the parents set off triggers in them and leave them with conflicting feelings, which they take out on you when they get home. Then, tell that agency that you need more money. Are you certified/licensed foster parents? If not, get certified/ licensed, which should entitle you to more money. There should be a boarding rate and clothing allowance each month. Children do grow so clothes and shoes are needed all the time. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
They still need to see their parents. Though it invites bad behavior, I think that they still need to know their parents. Are there parents trying to get them back? Is your sister in counseling and on medication? Maybe your sister and brother-in-law need more therapy than your neice and nephew and parenting classes. If you didn't want the financial responsiblity however, you probably shouldn't have agreed to take on their care.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you all for your comments. In answer to some of your questions. Yes, the children are provided with medical care through the state. They are in counseling therapy.
No, we are not certified or licensed. We never thought about doing that because we never intended on being foster parents. As far as not wanting the financial burden of the children, we took the children in because they are family and families should take care of each other in times of crisis. We will just have to get by as best we can. Hopefully, maybe the parents will buy their children school clothes. Yes, my sister is on medication and is in counseling as required by the courts. Both parents are also required to take parenting classes and will soon begin family counseling. The good news is that my nephew is starting to turn around a bit and his behavior has improved for the past 2 weeks.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You should look into getting licensed. It is easier for relative caregivers and the training isn't as intense as getting it for non-related kids; at least it's that way in my state. The foster payments are probably a little more than what you're getting now. Even if it's $50 or $75 a month, that's more money for groceries. I'd look into it. Also, the State should have helpful classes for you to take as a foster relative caregiver that can help you deal with your kids' special needs & help you understand and handle their emotions and behavior.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi Blaine - I am in a similar situation, but I have my 2 grandkids 4 Years old and 8 Months. The kids are confused, they just need reasurance that something is normal, that they are going to be ok. When Mom leaves there is alot of acting out and crying. Comfort them, be there for them. My State recommended me to sign up for foster classes right from the start. I am praying for you and and all the family. Just try to take one day at a time.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am also in a similar situation, we have my niece and nephew 4 and 2 yrs old. They are not hard to deal with or anything like that, however, it was only supposed to be a temporary thing. Their parents are drug addicts and still MIA. They honestly don't care what happens to them but we also have 4 children ourselves and sad as it may sound we have to put our kids first. We have tried to contact the parents to take them back but they say they dont have time. They have to figure things out for their lives first. So what do we do? I honestly know how you feel. It really sucks because it is more of moral dilemma than anything. What is the right thing to do? Is it fair to my children to have to be pushed aside? Is it fair for us to struggle mentally and financially? It definately isn't fair to the two innocent precious kids that ultimately pay for than anyone involved, however, what do we do?
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Since Feb of this year my husband and I (65 & 58) have been caring for 3 nephews 16 month twins and a 9 year old. The parent visits are hard. There is no easy fix. The nine year old would be sullen/ cry/ weep/ not contribute to the household occasionally yell that I ruined things for him.
Now after visits the transition is better. We have been able to fall into a routine - for now. He feels safe that he will get to continue visits with his mom. I think the best advice I could give would be to let it flow... and work on the positve inactions with the kids. Of course you have it harder because your kids are older- more set in their ways. Hope to hear from you again.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
