Advertisement
Do you suffer from chronic pain?
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
More DailyStrength
|
First placement issues!
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
My husband & I had our first placement 2 wks. ago, 2 boys (siblings) ages 5 and 2 (almost 3). Two weeks later we are already having regrets because of the behavioral issues, mainly the 5 yr. old. It's been an emotional roller coaster, 75% of the time he's an sweet little guy but every other day is a MAJOR fit, he's angry, showing violence toward his brother, screaming "he hates his life" :(, throws things, I mean all-out bad. It takes 45 minutes to calm him down. He's had 2 visits w/BM and these visits are horrible, apparently the worst his caseworker has ever seen (when he leaves his mom). Needless to say, my husband and I are frustrated, scared, are really doubting if this is for us, yet we don't want to give up on these kids. It's just so hard, I feel like he's a walking time-bomb waiting to blow, so much anger and we want to love and help him but during these fits, he wants nothing to do w/us, tells us to shut-up, leave me alone, etc. I don't know how much longer we can do these weekly visits if THIS is what happens. Bed time is also a disaster, he screams, rips the bedding off, throws things. We are trying to comfort him but nothing is helping. It's been a major stress on us, my husband has to sleep outside in the hallway to keep him in his room. I've been losing sleep, etc. We've told the caseworker and they agree he needs professional attention, counseling and possibly placement with another family. His brother is young and is already mimicking some of these behaviors w/his fits - the last thing we need! I don't know if this is normal behavior for a kid leaving his mom, I know he misses her, I feel awful for him but we need structure, sanity in our house and I can't have him hurling stuff, hurting his brother, every time he doesn't get what he wants. Are we just weak & unexperienced, like this is typical, or has anyone else dealt with this, felt this way? his behavior is really preventing the "bond" that should be taking place, My husband says it's like he's bi-polar. Can a 5 yr. old be bi-polar?!
Posted on 06/14/12, 05:28 pm |
| 5 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
you need to document all of his behaviors. And you will HAVE to PUSH PUSH PUSH with the caseworker to get him help. It is a shame, he was taught these behaviors, make sure his GAL knows about these issues in depth too. It would most likely be beneficial for the two boys to be seperated so that little brother doesnt learn these same behaviors. I would also say somehting to their physician, they can usually get you in the door with a counselor before the agency can. Keep your chin up and if you feel like you cant handle it, tell them. everyone needs to know their limits and you can only do what you can do. It definitly sounds like this poor little guy needs more than you can give him. PROFFESSOINAL help! And you're going to have to PUSH your agency to give it to him! PUSH PUSH PUSH! and if the visits are causing him that much trauma, the guardian ad litem needs to know so that they can advocate to stop visits or to push for less until help can be found. I dont know about bi polar in children that young, but unfourtunately that is probabaly how he has seen his parents react/ act when they are upset. its sad. I hope that helps. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I sit here smiling because our two boys that we have now are our first placement too and we went through (and rarely still) go through exactly what you're describing. Ours are 7 and 11 but they were 6 and 10.
I say the first 3 months were HELL and hubby says only the first month was HELL. June 27 will be 9 months with us. Are there still bad days, YES, but there are so many more good ones now. We have figured out "triggers" for bad behaviors and ways to stop a fit from spiraling. Please message me and we can talk more :)
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I just want to let you know that you can't give up that soon. We've had our 5 year old since February of this year, she throughs 2-6 hour tantrums with kicking,screaming, biting, hitting, etc. Anyways, she has gone 35 days without tantrums, they are just in pain and confused and hurt and sad. You have to figure out something that will help them, therapist, friends, you have to show them you love them, if you are really into helping kids you can do this. Just remind yourself it wont always be that way and that he needs you. Our foster daughter got moved soo much, we are her 11th foster home in 2 years because people only gave her a month to act right and not have any problems and just fit into their family and act like a "normal" kid.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
We have a 4 year old foster daughter who throws quite the tantrums and has some serious behavioral issues too... but I keep reminding myself that as we work through this, it is going to get better! I am learning to take time for myself each week and my husband and I try to do something special as a family each week with the kids and it feels like just having a second person to deal with the kids with me is so helpful and brings my constant stress level down to a manageable level! I think this is the hardest thing anyone can ever do is take in and choose to love a very damaged and hurting child! But, we've got to know it's going to be worth it when we seem them grow better and better each day!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I don't know if they will diagnose a child that young with BiPolar disorder but there certainly issues that you need help with.Years ago we took two brothers 4 and 2 yrs.old.Both of the boys had serious issues and it was too much to handle.The social worker moved the older boy to another home.We kept the younger boy.The tantrums sound familiar.Eventually both boys went up for adoption and we adopted the younger boy.I don't know how long term it may be with you and your boys.The bonding was difficult between our son and my wife especially.We got through the tantrums but growing up was difficult and the teen years especially so.I talked to him today on the phone today and before he said goodbye he said I love you.He's going to college and has a part time job.I'm glad I didn't give up on him.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
Advertisement
More From Around the Web
