Foster Care Support Group

I am a foster parent (In Canada) and have had a number of kids come through my home. Some I have been able to help, some, not so much. There have been kids who don't "mesh" with the other youth in the home, or who's needs are more than we can provide for here. Moving a child into or out of the home is not always under our control. The agency (Children's Aid Service here)maintains power over all placements and has the final say where children live.
Please know that people do care about you. Sometimes moving you to somehwere that can give you the support and guidance you need is all we can do, even if it looks like we are just abandoning you. Something better is coming for you. Your right though- nothing is ever permanent for anybody, this feeling included.
Keep your chin up, know that it gets better and do what you need to, to take care of you. Follow the house guidelines, go to school, and talk to your social worker regularly.
Talk to someone- even the old fosters- about how your feeling. there may be underlying things that they can tell you to make you understand better. Nobody is perfect- not you, not the fosters or social workers, or me.....We all make mistakes. We all make good and bad decisions. Sometimes talking about what has happened and understaning the other persons reasons helps. It may not make it right, but understanding is helpful when trying to accept the situations life puts us in. ...ok i'm rambling now...Feel free to message me if you need to talk! All the Best!

You are valuable no matter what anyone else says or does. Never forget that. Find one person you can talk to in person and tell them what you think and how you feel. Make a promise to yourself that you will be a better parent when you are older than some of the people you have lived with and focus on finding healthy and positive ways to get what you need to grow. I don't know how old you are, but focus on things that will make your future better than the parts of your past you are describing. Also, if there are any parts of your past that are good memories, then try to focus on those as well. Finding one person that you can spend time with in person and trust to talk about things like this is very helpful.

1)You are valuable and people care, more than you can see. Find someone to talk to, reach out to social workers, former foster parents, ask for help and you will see.

2) Nothing is ever permanent, that is true, everything changes and it's part of life, people come and go, jobs come and go, what is important is what you put in it. If you give 100% of yourself, if you are kind to yourself and others and try to make the world a better place, even if its a little by smiling to someone, that is what matters.

You are here because you are precious and part of the universe, you have a roll and a place in this world, the world could not exist without you, this is your time, be kind to yourself and remember you are just as important as everyone else.

Dearest Rachel, I was a foster-child for only just under 5 yrs and it really messed me up. I can almost feel your pain and abandonment in reading your words. I required years of therapy for depression from the abuse and abandonment issues, but in the end it has all been worth it! Sometimes what you think might do you in, actually strenghthens and makes you so strong, and everything is minor in relation. I am now a very srong and independant woman working in a male-dominated industry, making good money and being financially independant. Not many women can do what I do, I can put up with anything that comes my way now! You also will find great strenghth with time, you are an extremely important individual with a purpose yet to be found is all. Just honor yourself enough to try and stay out of trouble and away from any sort of self-harm..always try and maintain your self-respect, and dont allow others to take that from you, it is yours and no one elses! I wish that I could give you a hug.

It is true, what does not kill you makes you stronger. My family used me to blame their dysfunction on me and abandoned me when I stood up for myself. I know what it's like to feel unwanted. Friends, family members have all betrayed me. In time I have learned that it was THEIR shortcomings, not my fault. It has caused me to look at myself and be a better person to others so I do not hurt others the way I have been hurt. I understand what the previous foster mom was saying, but what a lot of foster parents sign up to do is temporary placement. This is not what a foster kid needs. In life, people do not mesh. Thats just life. It is your family's job to be there for you despite conflict. That is not what the foster system provides because people are not perfect and it is hard for most people to unconditionally accept someone who is not their own blood. It sucks. I know, I have been there. But it does not mean you are unimportant. It means you got crappy cards dealt to you in life. It means you do not have the privilege of a reliable family to lean on as others do. You are strong.

Don't send that letter. It is alright to have those feelings, but rise ABOVE it. Don't repeat the past shortcomings of others.

Awe hon,

Tears are in my eyes. My husband and I have foster kids right now that are in a similar situation. When they came to us we were their 5th home in 4 months. We are proud to say that they have been with us for 8 months. They are younger than you are and still have a long way to go. I'm proud of you for being able to voice your feelings and questions. Sometimes you just hold it in until you explode.

You are the only person who can look out for you. At least love yourself because you are who is going to make a difference in your life.

As far as getting answers to questions...there are lots of reasons to cause a disruption (moving around a lot): CASA or Ad Litem rep doesn't like the foster family, your foster family is abusive or not caring enough - ie they don't get you to your appointments, there is too much 'travel time" involved in your case, DFCS or someone else wants to keep you moving because a crazy bio-family is trying to track you down...or the saddest: the family just looks at your age and decides that they want younger kids.

Should you send your e-mail? Yes, if it will make you feel better. But if you don't want to know the answer, then just think of it as getting your feelings out through writing.

I used to want to know my biological family...now I do, it was good for a few years, but IDK...I think I have like 11 or 12 half siblings and now I guess it wouldn't have made any difference because I really don't want to have anything to do with them now. When I started getting answers to my questions, I didn't want to know anymore and just stopped digging for answers. I decided that it was too traumatic for me and "got on" with my life.

Keep your head up and your thoughts positive.

Hang in there!

I first would like to say that I am a foster mom and this made me cry. No one should feel worthless or like trash, which you are not. You have been through a lot more than some adults have and I understand why you feel this way. I am so sorry sweetie. I have a 5 year old foster daughter who has been in 10 different foster families in 2 years, we are her 11th. I feel so bad for her also. It is so hard to believe that a child can be bounced around that much. I would like to ask you a question if it doesn't bother you...what can I do to make her trust me and feel more like our family? We have her twin siblings and we've had them since they were 3 days old (so they feel like they fit in) I want her to feel the same way as we are hoping to adopt all 3 children. If you could give me some advice on how to make her feel better I sure would appreciate it. Maybe you could help children like you that have been bounced around, help them understand their feelings and that they are important no matter what. Good luck and please keep in touch.

i felt like that when i came out of a 11 year care order i spent the first year in a childrens home and the past 10 years with the same foster parents i was in complete shock knowing someone for that long and that they washed their hands of me which made it quite clear they did not do it for the care but for the money and benefits that came with it when i left it made me realise i had no one depression had set in and i started to have bad thoughts that was 14 years ago let me tell you something you are not shit it is not your fault you are in this situation you did not ask for it as for the email yes send it them asking why ? whats the worst that can happen and if they don't reply it quite clear their is something wrong with them

Thank you so much for expressing how you feel. I'm sure there are many, many people who feel just like you do. Your post will help them feel like they are not alone. It's so important that people hear the voice of a real person going through such difficult circumstances. It makes them want to do something about it.

I hope that things are better for you now that a couple of months have passed. I'm so sorry if they are not. You have an incredible amount of strength to get through what you've been through. It took a lot strength to reach out by writing this post as well. Draw on that strength on the rest of your journey. Though it is unfair, sometimes the road is long, dark and scary, but the journey will change and the future will get brighter. Hang on, you can get through this.

I'm working on a group project in graduate school about foster kids who age out of the system and the challenges they face. I ran across your post while doing research. We are trying to find ways that we can help. I would like to share your post to really stir people to action so they'll get in there and help. Thank you again. I will be thinking of you and sending hopeful thoughts your way:)