Foster Care Support Group

Hello! Glad you joined the forum and I am sure you will get lots of advice! Foster care is a wonderful thing to do but not everyone is capable of being a foster parent. It is very up and down, you sacrifice lots of your physical and emotional self.....BUT it is extremely rewarding. My husband and I are also doing foster care because we cannot have children and figured this would be a good way to help children out as well as ourselves. We are fairly new to foster care and are on our second placement. The girl we have now is almost 1 and we have had her since she was 3wks. Since me and my husbands goal is the same as what your family's will be (adoption) let me tell you some of the things I have come to realize. We want a baby to adopt sooooo bad. The problem with this is the main goal is to reunify child with parents...if not parents then a family member. You have to remember that the whole time. I find myself happy when bio parents are doing bad because it looks good for our chances to adopt. When bio parents are doing good I find myself getting depressed because that means they are one step closer getting back the child I love with all my heart. I hate that I feel this way. I never want to wish anyone to loose their child, but I find myself doing that. It is something I have struggled with and feel guilty about. I am not sure I am able to continue foster care because of all the ups and downs we have gone through. We have been told parents would sign off rights to us then have them change their mind over and over. IT is heartbreaking. I do not want to scare you away from doing foster to adopt because it is really a great thing but please be aware of the major heart break it can cause especially since having a child is so important to you. Just my honest thoughts since I am currently going through this now. IF you do decide to do foster to adopt I hope you get a child to adopt really quickly : ) If our foster daughter ends up going back to her bio mom we will have raised her for the first 2 years of her life...I can't imagine what that heartbreak will be like....it really takes lots of prayers!! I wish you the best of luck!

If you are willing to adopt an older infant, you could request ones that are close to TPR, termination of parental rights. That's what we are doing, after sitting for a year and getting nowhere trying to straight adopt. If you are willing to take a little risk, you can get a child that's close to being adoptable. Or you could take the riskier path like iAmy is doing and get one from birth. We have had three very young infants and none of them have been keepers because usually the case is so new that family placement occurs, or parents work their plan and get the child back, or they get moved to join adopted siblings. There are so many factors that come into play in the beginning of a case. In my area though, there are many people who just want to foster and as the case gets closer to termination, they move the child into an adoptive home. It's pretty low-risk to do it that way.

Take the classes and learn as much as you can. If at any time you are feeling that it isn't for you - don't be afraid to say so. It is not unusual for people to start down the path and then change their minds - it's OK!

If you are really lucky you may get an infant but know that even if they end up being adoptable, there is a good chance their mother was doing drugs or drinking alcohol when she was pregnant - you may have medical or mental issues to deal with later.

If you are open to an older child your options will be much greater but you need to be really careful and not be afraid to decline an opportunity. Write down all the questions you could possibly think to ask about a child's past and behaviors and don't think that you are being intrusive. Ask away! The worst thing that can happen is that important information is not told to you and that you didn't ask up front. You get a placement and then realize it's not the right fit. Some people call the initial placement a "honeymoon period." I like to think of it more as an engagement. See if it works and if the love builds over time and it is moving in a positive direction, get "married." Having a placement does not mean you have to adopt.

Fostering is a lot of work and people in this forum can share many experiences - some the worst and others fantastic. I have been at both ends of the spectrum so know that you can find the right match if you are patient and very careful.

There are a multitude of years of experiance here in raising children and people who are interested in answering your specific questions because they have been ther and are eager to help.We got in for the same reason and have added several to our family.Good luck.

my wife and I are empty nesters and we will looking as to start. Any hints you can give

I would suggest thinking long and hard about getting a long term foster care child that could be adopted. Make sure that they fit well into your family and that you can treat them as your family. I know I felt so uncomfortable with foster parents that would leave me out of things.

I would agree with what all has been said, its a long not so easy journey but rewarding as you supply a life for a child that was being abused. Its take a lot of prayer and patience. We got a 2 yr old thats rights are in process of being terminated so we were sorta lucky in this situation and we will have first dibs on adopting. It doesn't always work that fast and of course its hard to just straight adopt a infant cuz they need time for reunification. And we are his 4th foster parents and Lord willing his last! They are SO easy to fall in love with when you have longed for a child.. blessings to you in this journey

We have been licensed foster care parents for 2 years, we have had beautiful twins since they were 3 days old straight from the hospital, they will be 2 years old soon, we've had them the whole time and we recently took in their 5 year old sister when Parental rights were terminated. I will tell you that it's hard to not fall in love with the kids and it's even harder with all the ups and downs. We were told the twins would only be with us for a short while because the family was huge, lets just say that if your doing it for adoption it is a long long process and no matter how long you have the children it is not guaranteed that you will get to adopt them. Right now we are waiting for family members to come forward and if one is found fit they could take the kids away from us, they said that the twins will most likely stay with us because we've had them since birth and do not know anyone else....it is hard. My husband and I cannot have children and have had 15 miscarriages in 4 years of trying to have kids. The love you recieve from the children is the most awesome feeling ever. I will tell you with older kids it's harder to bond with as they already know their birth mother and their birth family. It's hard to get the children who have been moved around a lot to listen to rules and they have been through so much that they sometimes have issues. Our 5 year old has therapists, and support people who come weekly to help her through her issues. It is hard and time consuming but totally worth it. We are her 11th placement in 2 years. If you aren't sure if you can handle it or not, go to training and learn what you can, if you are still interested and want to do it think about one thing are you willing to put your life on hold for the agency, the judge, the birth parents and family, therapist, etc? Also you have to think about the kids also, you can't just give up if you can't do it because what happens is the poor kids get bounced around from home to home and then have issues with bonding with others. I am trying to be as honest as possible. I love all 3 kids and I would do anything for them and if you could feel that way too then awesome. But like iAmy32 said not everyone is capable of doing foster care, it's a hard, rough process with lots of ups and downs and stress. There are heartbreaking moments and wonderful happy moments. If you need any info please feel free to message me :)