Foster Care Support Group

hi i couldnt help noticing u have also joined the self harm group...does that cause issues? ... as 4 me my carers were wonderful and supported me through my struggle....but then i havent cut 4 the last 6months and now it feels my carers dont give a shit...whenever i say i am struggling with urges they say...'well its your choice' and when i did cut once about 3months ago they dropped me off at hospital and told me to call when i was finished...which was very different to usual...and now i am desperate to cut but i am scared i am going to lose the if it do =( just wondered if u have exsperiebced this?

You are not 'bad'! There are no bad kids...there are confused kids, kids who make bad decisions, kids who are stubborn and won't accept help...but there are no bad kids. I know it is very hard to trust and connect with an adult in your situation and based on your experiences, but this is what you need to do to get stable in a foster home!

If you try to pick yourself apart to find "whats wrong with you", and why people treat you the way you do, you will be doing it for the rest of your life. Its hard, and I can understand why you would feel the way you do. Cutting yourself isn't the answer though. I am sure you have probably noticed by now that it doesn't release what you are feeling inside. Its good that you have access to a community that offers support online, and hopefully you have access to that same type of support offline. I don't have enough information about your situation to be able to give you any real advice, but if you want to talk to someone you can always feel free to email me.
I was adopted, and I have been to over 15 different schools, moved over 24 times in my life and I am 25. The longest time I have ever lived in one place was 3 years. My adoptive family sucked almost as much as my biological family... so I have been on my own pretty much since I was 15. So I can at least relate to you in some areas.

- Melissa

Hey-
I'm a new foster mom, but I was also a rebellious kid with issues. So I can understand the idea of being "bad." I grew up in a strict religious background so everything I did was pretty much on the "bad" side of the spectrum. You are not "bad" - but you may be someone else's idea of "bad", which can be hard to swallow. I had a shrink tell me when I was 19 that I could make my own decisions about right and wrong- that it wasn't my Mom who decided or the church, but me because I had the brain to make the decisions. You can make decisions on your own of what is good and bad. If you feel you are doing things you shouldn't, then step back and ask for help. `You are alreay half way there by making this post. Good Job! :)

From a bigger picture, can I ask, what do you think you do that makes you feel you are bad? Why so many placements? I just don't understand how a kid who the foster parent knows is having issues could ask that a child leave - except that maybe you are putting their kids or themselves in harms way. I am curious about your behaviors and wondering (again from a bigger picture), what we can do to help foster parents through times with kids who are having difficult problems.

Feel free to email me. It hurts me to see kids placed over and over. It is so unstable and unhealthy and wreaks havoc on self-esteem.

Good luck. Elise

no u cant bother me i am 17 and i wantto help you go to a foster system program they can help you ive never been in one but i havee frineds that had kids and wentinto one i am going to have a baby in less than a week and i am so excited. if you need anything you can email i would be glad. to help you

I am currently in fostercare and I do not think of any kid as being bad. I have relized that almost everyone that lives in fostercare has issues. I tryed living in a fosterhome and it didnt work.So now I am living in a group home with 6 other s. I find it easier because Im not looking for a mom or dad. Im looking for somewhere to go to school and make a future for myself.
Dont get discouraged and I know it can mess up your head thingking that nobody wants you but dont focus on anything except making a future for yourself. NO ONE can ever take that away from you.