Food Addiction Support Group

I am almost 29 and since I was 12 I have been on my diet hell. I will point out that my obsession with food as been there since forever, it was only when someone pointed otu my weight at a young age, that my eating disorder began.


I was put on Zyban, (Wellbutrin) I believe it kind of helped, in the sense that I stopped worrying so much, enjoyed myself when I went out etc.



My husband (who was my fiance at the time) said he really did see a difference in my attitude and behaviour. I started relaxing a bit and being more forgiving when i overate , which was every second day pretty much, and went extra extra hard on meals or dinners out.

Then I tried on my wedding dress and it was a tight squeeze and (in my opinion anyway) looked terrible.





The pre-wedding 'dieting/ healthy eating' anxiety or whatever you want to call it started again. Which meant that my mentality, my stress about food and exercise started again. i started seeing a trainer. It was so hard, I was constantly 'slipping up'. Maybe my definition of 'slipping up' is different to most people as I don't allow junk food in the house etc, but the binging pattern is still there. The stress was so immense, plus the wedding planning, (family is all overseas, interracial wedding, didnt know how things would pan out with cultures clashing, m organising everything plus problems at work etc) , then you deal with your own demons with food , training and exercise. The trainer says no coffee, no alcohol...i would say i nearly lost it. I have always just felt like food controls me, not the other way round.

I quit my job, I needed a breakbefore the wedding and despite the economic climate I quit my job 4 weeks before the wedding.



Anyway, i got married, through blood sweat and tears thank god everything went ok. I even apparently looked good.

My husband I and i went hard eating and relaxing on our honeymoon and ate to the point we felt sick afterevery meal. It was awesome not worrying about a stupid wedding dress. I only gained a little bit of weight in 3 weeks so i was stoked. OF course i havent lost it, and now the battle is trying to slow down the process of gaining more.



However, now I am back to my old tricks. The constant up and down battle of healthy eating, then binging, then eating ok, then binging. Then on the weekend there is alcohol involved, and after that I can eat sooo much junk that i feel nauseas all the next day.



I use the website www.fitday.com

Does anyone else use that ? Do you find it useful? I do at times, but when I have a 5000 calori day every second or third day I really wonder if it is helping me feel better or worse.

What do I do? I thought maybe it was just the stress of the wedding that distracted me from whether zyban was actually really working. Then I thought I had changed and didn't need help. Today I just had another binging session.

I used to be severly overweight, and now I am not, but its like I fear that OLD me will come out again, which means the way i feel about myself, and the way others see me will change. You gotta wonder, has the way I feel about myself REALLY changed in all this time?



Is anyone else on zyban ? God, how do you even know anymore if things are working or not?



I am not overweight anymore, and I am fit. But I know that if i ease up even a little the weight will come back really easily. I have a small frame, but gain weight easily and it all goes on my face which is horrible. (the pics prove it haha).



Doc says its food addiction, not emotional eating, i only get emotional when I do overeat, like I am doing now. I used to turn to drugs to deal with overeating but I dont do that anymore. Can anyone give me any advice on how to avoid binges ? I eat a high protein diet, 5-6 meals a day now, vegies, lots of fish, eggs, dairy and a sugar free chocolate as a treat. I'm hitting (on a good day around 2000 calories and weigh around 50 kilos for my small frame which weight wise isnt unhealthy.



I don't know how long that weight will last though, it has already started creeping up, I just want to be able to stick to a normal calorie count per day, rather than turning every second day into a binge. If anyone can offer insight I'd appreciate it.



Thank
Posted on 06/21/09, 10:06 am