Fitness Goals Support Group

I have mild CP and that is the reason for the limp.



thoughts?

Hi Chris!

I haven't been frequenting the forum too much lately, but now that I'm on summer break I have a little more time to nose about...

I'm curious as to what you mean by "would be too much for those who are athletic." You could be referring to several different types of scenario (as to why someone would care)... so I'm not sure exactly what to address.

Fitness, in my humble opinion, is a worthy goal to pursue in and of itself, regardless of what anyone else thinks about it. It is your body, you are the one who has to live in it, you are the one who has to be at peace with it, you are the one whose quality of life is most directly affected by it.

A lot of emphasis in our culture (particularly in the advertisement and entertainment media) is placed on perfect bodies. I think it is way too easy to hold up those images next to our own and to feel inferior, defective, unlovable. It's an impossible ideal, and truly an unfair comparison.

I think many people are afraid of going to the gym because they feel intimidated by the appearances of the folks who have been working out for years. I know I was when I first started training. I had a totally unfair stereotype in my head of bodybuilders and just assumed that they would all categorically have nothing but contempt for me.

What I learned was this: all the big guys are doing the SAME thing I'm doing. They've just been doing it longer (that's why they look the way they do). And a lot of them are really great guys who want to see ME succeed too. Sure, there are jerks, but you know what? In my experience, they're in the minority.

If you're referring to how you are perceived by the opposite sex... then let me tell you about my mother.

She was born with one hip fused and the other one out of the socket. Because this was in 1927 and her family was hard hit by the Depression she didn't have corrective surgeries until much later in childhood than should have happened. The result was that by age 18 she had one leg several inches shorter than the other and very limited range of motion at the waist. You can imagine what this did to her gait and the stares she never really grew accustomed to attracting.

As a child it never occurred to me to think of her as handicapped in any way. I knew to have an elbow for her to hang onto whenever we went to the store and she needed to climb a curb or walk over uneven pathways (bricks, stones, gravel). Her limp didn't stop her from finding love, from having children, from being the person who probably has had the most profound impact on shaping who **I** am. Dad was never put off by it - (I'm here, aren't I?) They've been married for 55 years (56 come October).

Mom used to tell me stories about walking to the one-room school house she and her siblings (two brothers, three sisters) attended. It was about a mile away, and up some rather steep gravel roads. She laughs now about how they used to worry whether the pasture fence would contain the cantankerous bull and whether or not they would spot bears (not uncommon at the time). She tells about how it was part of her daily experience that she would stumble and catch herself on her hands - and then have to pick the gravel out of her palms.

So when my Mom tells me that her approach to life's troubles is to "pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going," it's not just a nice little cliché done up in needlepoint on the wall. It is her physical reality - and represents her attitude to the obstacles in her life path.

If you ask her about her physical condition (and at 82, bless her, she's a walking encyclopedia of all the things that can go wrong with a body and not kill you yet) she says she's not angry about it. "No one did this to me," she says. She doesn't spend a lot of energy wondering about why - or for that matter what other people think about her body. I don't mean to imply that she doesn't care or that no one notices...

...only that she chooses to "dust herself off and keep going", and she makes that choice daily. I can't know what it is like to live in her body. I know that it has shaped who she is. I know that she chooses to some extent how it will shape her. I know that she chooses not to give in to despair. These are not choices she makes based on how other people will perceive her. She makes them because she must to be fully herself, who she chooses to be.

I guess this is the long way around of saying that you should choose to be fit because YOU choose to be fit - because it part of who YOU choose to be, because YOU find it fulfilling. I have faith that the other stuff will come.

peace,
Brian

I can get into great shape but i will always have a right calf muscle that is smaller than the left one. I am concerned that people on my level of fitness would reject me because ofa limp or that difference in size ofthose muscles. i am concerned about that because i want to find someone once i get therethat has thesame motivation i have. i am worried most of those people are shallow but i am not sure.

Some things the Old Bald Guy (me) has learned about attraction in the last 50 years and possibly as related to fitness levels, that maybe don't make sense to anyone else but me:

* Whatever you look like, and I do mean WHATEVER, there's a group of people out there who think you're hot.

• Of the people out there who think you're hot, there's a few that you also think are hot, so the attraction is mutual.

• Just because you are PAINfully aware of flaw "X" (too big, too little, too hairy, not hairy enough, too strong, too weak, too old, too young, too - too - too...) doesn't mean someone else will be turned off by it - or even give a s***.

• There are some people, much as you really can't understand why, who think your flaw "X" is hot. Go figure.

* Confidence (not to be confused with arrogance) is attractive.

* Knowing your self and being comfortable in your own body is attractive.

* Attraction may initially be physical - but there's WAY more to it than that, particularly if you are looking for a relationship and not just sex. I stand by my original statement that if you are choosing to be fit, that you do so because it is who YOU choose to be. Choosing to be yourself, self-determination - that's hot!

* The whole "he's/she's out of your league" mentality is bogus. You can't predict what someone else's turn-ons are by their appearance. Hence my own stereotyped thinking when I first went to the gym, assuming all bodybuilders would look down on me. Wasn't true, and the same applies to thinking about the opposite sex.

* Generalizations about the mindset of fit people regarding a physical flaw? Can't do it. People are too diverse for that. But take a look around at the profiles here on the Fitness Goals community. Great people. Flaws abound. That's what makes us human. That's what makes us real.

* I have found that when I was feeling the least desperate, the most comfortable in my skin, flaws and all, that was when I was most likely to meet men (okay, so the Old Bald Guy is the Old Bald Gay Guy, but ya know, I think the basic principles are the same).

* Anniversary number 23 coming up this month (in 11 days). He's still the funniest man I know, thank goodness he still thinks my scatter-brained approach to life is cute. Neither one of us looks like we did 23 years ago, the attraction has shifted somewhat... but at the core of our relationship I think there's always been a mutual appreciation of the whole package - the person and the body the person comes in. I didn't meet him until age 27, AFTER I'd settled a whole bunch of personal issues.

* Final word of advice: be who you are. Fully be who you are.

Now THAT'S hot.

Hi Chris,
My question to your question is why do you care about the shallow people in the first place? To me, they don't even register on my radar; they are flying lower than my matters scale.

Listen to Fiddler; he's a very smart man. Me, I am not so smart, and maybe my age has mellowed me quite a bit, but what matters most is what YOU think of yourself and your fitness efforts.

I am certainly not slim, and I definitely have a higher fat% than lots of people that go to my gym but I feel fantastic! I always do my very best at the gym, when working on my own or with my trainer, and I have had some regulars who are in a shape I would give my eye teeth to have make comments to me or to my trainer about admiring my efforts and determination. They are serious about fitness and doing their own personal best, so they can appreciate the same in others, no matter what their level.

Now, I say to you, do your own personal best. Be proud of your abilities and accomplishments. I am sure I don't need to tell you that you will feel amazing after workouts because you already know that. Focus on your workouts and put aside any of that self-consciousness.

At my gym there are ALL types of people. You have the fit ones and fat ones, the exercisers and the chit chatters, the watchers and the doers, and I bet every single one of them could tell you what they see as their 'flaws'. We all have them so whatever!

I think you need to dig inside yourself to deal with these issues, sort of come to terms with your situation, and avoid cluttering up your mind with what you think others may be thinking.

Just stick with getting as fit as you can and I am sure you will find a nice community within your gym, like I have at mine. Over time, you will fit in just fine with all the other regulars at your gym, both young and old. There's an older married couple that I see at the gym every day with whom I talk all the time. There's also a really nice young girl who is a fitness model with whom I have spoken often. not too often though because she is all business since her fitness is her livelihood. We had an awesome discussion about this very topic awhile back. We decided that it's all about your fitness, your health, not what others think.

By keeping fit, you will likely outlive those shallow souls because negativity is unhealthy in itself!

happy exercising!

wyhy is it that people keep missing the point entirely? My poijnt is this: when i get there i will require people to give the same amount of physical effort to be the best they physically can be. I have to work harder to get there so i dont feel i should just settle for someone who doesnt try their hardest. I am concerned that jsut because i limp that the fit ones who like doing a lof of phyiscal activity will not want me. i am frustrated. HELP

"I am concerned that jsut because i limp that the fit ones who like doing a lof of phyiscal activity will not want me."

I hear you. You want someone who values fitness and hard work like you do. It sounds like you worry that if someone values those things they will also give the same weight to physical perfection and that you won't measure up.

What I've been trying to tell you in my last two posts is that you can't know or predict what someone else will value or find appealing. People are attracted to all kinds of things, and often in combinations that defy your own expectations.

To be specific - I am positive that there are plenty of athletic women in the world who have the physical work ethic you value who would not be put off by a limp.

But in order to meet them, my experience tells me (and I think this is true regardless of gender or orientation), you need to lose the worry. People are attracted to a whole package. You are not defined by your limp and I don't think people perceive you that way. Even by people who place a high value on taking care of themselves physically.

Which is why I keep coming back to the importance of being who you choose to be. Develop the whole package. Limp and all. If you want to find love and a relationship, you will. In my experience, it is easier when are happy to be yourself and aren't so concerned about how people see you. Take it from someone who has had the experience of coming out - it's a lesson I had to learn or die.

Thank you so much for your reply.

Fiddler...I think you said it all........

and Chris...I hope that helps you...

I kind of want a female perspective.