What is Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia (FM or FMS or Fibro) is a debilitating chronic syndrome (constellation of signs and symptoms) characterized by diffuse or specific muscle, joint, or bone pain, fatigue...
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feeling down... please help
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Ok so I dont post this kind of post often... but I need to vent and I need to be pulled out of this hole.
I have SOOOO much going on and i feel like Im shuting down. I am officially 31 weeks pregnant. I have 8 weeks to go til the baby comes. I have a little over 5 weeks til hubbycomes home. I am missing human contact. I am sick of a dirty house. My body is sooo sore from having to be in bed so much. My sleep is so screwed up. I can barely fall asleep befor 5 am and then I wind up sleeping ALL day. Mean while my daughter who is 5 falls asleep around 1 or 2 in the morning and is up by noon. She is such a good girl. She stays out of trouble and plays with her toys or on my lap top while I rest those few hours I need after she wakes up. She has gotten so independant the last month because mom cant take care of her the right way. I buy her 'snacks' that she can feed her self. Fruit and lunchables yougurt and stuff. SHe pretty much decides when she is hungry and gets her self food. She even makes momy sandwhiches. To be honest I dont know what I would do with out her. I am in so much pain and I even when Im not I cant breath to get up to do what needs to be done. I know that part of my problem is my fibro pain, part is pregnancy problems and part is from my bipolar. I am working so hard to not fall into a rut and for my biploar to take over but its hard when Im in pain and feel so socially isolated. And the fact that I cant even go to the toystore to walk around and let me daughter make her christmas list is sooo frustrating. They dont have the carts to go by them selves and I run out of breath soooo fast that I cant make it throught the store. I know my fibro is making me sturggle to recover and breath better. I cant help but think if I didnt have fibro I wouldnt be having such a hard time getting back to normal. I am just so sick of life looking so dim. I should be in heaven right now expecting my third and last baby. I havelearned how to pace myself. I have accepted that my c section will take 3 months to not hurt instead of 6 weeks. I have accepted that me and baby will be on mommy/baby time for the first 6 months and that maybe in 6 months to a year I can look at going back to work for my own emotional well being if I want to. But at least thats for a good reason. Its still hard accepting that the pain is slowing me down too. I get to where i think I am accepting then I fell so overwhelmed again.... Is acceptance ever truely complete? I have been at this for over 16 years and I think Im pretty well accepting but then bam.... Am I being a horrible mom letting my daughter be so independant at 5? She still asks permission most the time. But then we go places like my moms and she displays this level of independance and it makes my mom nervous... have I overstepped what is ok for a 5 year old???? How do I keep my emotions from going to the extreams with my bipolar??? I know many of you probally cant answer that one. I am unmedicated for my BP so I am doing it on my own. I have hit an avoidance behavior and I need to snap out of it. I need to call the people that Ive been avoiding like my councilor and my medical apts and get back in the swing of things.... Its just so hard Sorry its so long.... but I neeed to vent Posted on 11/07/09, 07:11 pm |
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I wish I Could Help..but I have No idea what to say..5 is very Young to be so alone in doing things...have you no one to help while in this stage of your pregnancy ? even IF it means your daughter goes to Live with Gma &Gpa until you are back in the swing of things ? or can you ALL go stay with your Parents so you have some round the clock Help/Care ??
I guess thats what I Would TRY to do if in your shoes...is stay with your parents..how old is your other child ? 
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Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you, but I wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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My mom lives over an hour away and staying with her isnt a real option for a few reasons. One being that she just isnt in the frame of mind to have people in her home (long story) and I have 4 cats that need to be cared for so I cant just leave them and go stay with her. My son is 16 but lives at his dads during the week. He comes over on the weekends to help with the cat box and trash and stuff and to visit of cource.
I guess I should clarify a bit about my daughter. When she wakes up I pretty much do to. I stay in bed and rest in the quiet but Im by no means asleep... She spends a majority of her time IN my room even when I am resting. I have made the house pretty kide safe and she has never been one to get into things that she shouldnt like the knives or chemicals. (Not that Im not aware that accidents can happen which is why I am usually alert to whats going on) She does get things for me and get her self the things she knows is ok to eat like the yougurt and lunchables and stuff. She doesnt use the microwave or anything like that and every thing that she might want is at her level and she doesnt have to climb. She does usually ask if she can have things. ALso our house is extreamly small. SO I can hear everything thats going on. Unfortuantly I am on bedrest so I cant do the cooking and cleaning that I think a mom should be doing. We have made our situation work for us but I think my daughter has had to grow up a lot faster then I would like.
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Bug hunny.....you can do this. You're in the home stretch. But I know 5 weeks until hubby gets home is a lifetime away when you're on modified bedrest.
Just take it one day at a time. You'll be looking back at all of this soon and realize how fast it did go. As for your daughter. I don't see anything wrong with the fact that she has independence. Kids now days rely on their parents way too much. Think about back when we were kids. How many of us were latch key kids in 1st grade? LOL, and I was fortunate to have an older sister and brother to help me out. But I do the same thing with my little guys. They are 4 & 2. I set things in the fridge for them to go in and grab what they want when they want. And they know to put the dishes in the sink for me. (well, my 2yr old is not as great at it, so I sometimes put his stuff out and he grazes all day long). Obviously your daughter is a caretaker. Did you know that your Children's habits that they have now are the work traits they will carry out as adults? These are instilled in them by the time they are 7yrs old. So, their coping skills, their problem solving skills....all of that is what they will carry forth as they grow to become adults. I'd say your daughter is right on track for that. Let her be responsible. As for your BP. You've got 2 months babe to make it. Two months and you can be back on your meds if you choose to do so. I've known many of moms who have gone this route. It's hard. A kind of hard I don't know, but I admire all of you who go through it. Just hang in there hun. And just dream of that little one coming. And remember, your hubby will be home in time to help prepare the nest. LOL, I never got to go through that with my second. I was cleaning and bent down to pick up a toy off the floor and my water broke. So, I was nervous coming home. Sending you big hugs hun.
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thank you. ANd your right I didnt think about the fact that these behaviors she has now is what she will ahve when she gets past her rebelous stage. She is a very loving and caring person. She does try to take care of mom and tell mom to do the right thing... ie when I have to pee but Im being stubborn and refuse to get up for the 15th time in an hour she will tell me to just do it lol... its kinda cute. She is so loving and tender and is such a sweet little girl even when she is being bossy lol... she wouldnt dream of hurting a fly. She is such a joy to me.
Glad to know Im not the only mom that has kids that feed them selves at a young age. It really does help knowing that im not alone. And yes I plan on going back on my meds the day I deliver. I have my scripts ready to fill and dont plan on breast feeding because I feel my family would be better off if I am on my meds. Despite the mixed opions I have gotten about my choice I know that the good of the greater all is whats best for my situation. Me off meds and then facing pain and recovery and post partume depression would be far worse then baby being on formula. So I try not to let myself feel guilty about that choice.... And yes I really hope hubby gets here befor baby (which he should) so that he can help me get things righted around cause I cant do it... I know I tried...
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I'm glad you can vent here because you definitely have a lot to handle. When I was pregnant with twins, we hired a teenager from the church to come over every afternoon to play with my two children so I could nap. It was really inexpensive, and gave my kids someone to rake leaves and jump in them with...or play games - doing things I couldn't at the time. Is anything like that a possibility? It would be so good to have some support for you - we all wish we could help. And it would be good to have some additional interaction for your daughter?
But I also think of your love and thoughtfulness for her, in that you want to take her to the toy store to make a wish list. In this day and age you have an option I didn't back then - the internet. You say she already plays on the computer - maybe something you could do with her is take her virtual shopping online - to look and make her list? You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hold on - your hubby coming home in a few weeks might make a big difference too for you! Rest well.
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It sounds like your doing a great job with what you have to deal with. The food she is getting is healthy and she probably enjoys taking care of mommy. She can play in your room and spend alot of time with you. Some kids hardly ever spend time with their parents.
Maybe go on line to a toy store and let her look at pictures to make her Christmas list. When I was a kid we made are Christmas list from the sears toy catalog You made it this far just take it one day at a time Sending Hugs and Prayers
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we deffinantly spend A LOT of time together. She has been very clingy to me since dad left and I went to the hospital. Ever since she has gotten home she is very close to me. SHe has even told me that she perfers that we dont go places if I dont feel good so that I dont have to go back to the hospital. She doesnt want to go stay with my mom away from me. She is going through some seperation anxiety over her dad leaving and my hospital trip so I dont think staying with my mom is a great idea unless she absolutely has to.
I may try the online thing. Its not the same and I want to actually look at quality of items like a new kitchen for her. I bought her last kitchen online and it turned out to be really poor quality. I want the next one I buy to be good quality and thick plastic so that it will last through both my daughter and the coming baby. Im kinda thinking that that is what her main christmas present is gonna be so I wanna get it right. We went to the baby store and walked around a bit it was rough. we were going to go to both stores but I couldnt manage to do both.
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you sound like a good and loving mother. i remember calling a neighbor's kid to come over and get my medicine for me, from another room, when i was a bit broken and could not get out of bed. he was a real sweetie and we're friends to this day cause he helped me when i was so down. your local highschool will have a list of good kids who need some hours of work a week and are cheap. this is not the time to stint. get some help and company. i think your daughter is great to be so helpful and she'll be a gem when the baby gets here. feel better, kid ,we all know how hard it is. i had my last baby when i was 42 and i thought it would kill me. he's 27 today and making more money than his papa and i can. kids come with their own luck you know. in yiddish we say the come with their own "sack' PEKEL,of what they need. remember the song billie holiday sang; G-d bless the child that gots his own". your going to be very happy with this new baby. hope husband is home in time, too.
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BugBite,
Your daughter at the tender age of 5 is very young to be so responsible, but it sounds like she is handling it like a trooper and is happily doing it. You really have your hands full and there doesn't seem to be anything else you can do other than what you are doing. God Bless you and your family I will pray for you. Take care of yourself!
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