What is Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia (FM or FMS or Fibro) is a debilitating chronic syndrome (constellation of signs and symptoms) characterized by diffuse or specific muscle, joint, or bone pain, fatigue...
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I feel like a child again....
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and not in control of my own life anymore!Yesterday my hubby told me about 2:00 that I needed to take nap and that he and my daughter were going to take the babies to town while I did so.I didn't argue because I was already exaulsted and had been thinking about it anyway.Him and my daughter both have taken to telling me to take naps and to go on to bed at night.Even though I know that they are right I still get irritated because it makes me feel like a 5 year old.I know that they love me and are trying to take care of me but it still makes me mad sometimes.At this monster[fibro]not them.
Today is my b'day and they[hubby and daughter] gave me a surprise party last night with all of my family,about 60 people in all.I really enjoyed it but around 8:30 everyone started leaving and by 9 they were all gone.When I asked my hubby about it he told me that he had told everyone that they needed to be real carefull and not overly tire me out.And that he had asked everyone to leave by 9:00 because he was afraid it would be too much for me if it lasted longer than that.As soon as everyone was gone he asked me if I thought I should go on to bed.I knwo that he is trying to take care of me but I still feel like a kid.Being told when to take a nap,how long my guests can stay for my party and then when to go to bed at night.My daughter has almost completely taken over my house,doing the cleaning,cooking and taking care of the babies.She also helps me my personl hygeine like clipping my nails and brushing my hair.When I am in the shower she will keep checking on me[because I have fallen before].She never complains about taking on so much but it makes me feel horrible.She had a real bad break up here awhile back and now she tells any guy who wants to take her out she can't because she has to "take care of Momma".She is only 20 years old she should be out having fun and making plans for her own life,she won't even go to collage because she says she needs to be here for me,to take care of me.I don't want her tied down to me and not have a life of her own.When I say anything about it she says"Mom,you have always taken care of me,now let me take care of you." Am I being petty and ungratefull?I don't mean to be,I just want my old life back!!To an adult again! Posted on 11/07/09, 07:11 am |
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of course i'm much older than you. happy birthday. but my adult daughter lives with us and is very helpful to me. she understands fibro and warns me when i seem too tired. she does the dishes, folds the laundry, and used to drive me to the drs. when i could not drive myself. i'm very grateful for her love and care. she even pays for me to have massages. so that's why we have families. my family saw me take care of my mother her last ten years, she lived with us. sure, i'd like to see her married, but till then am very glad i've raised such a loving person. 
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I am very proud of my daughter that she is such a loving and caring person.Sometimes I think she does use my illness as an excuse not to get back out there and act her age.I am afraid to drive any more because I get bad muscle spasms in my hands and arms and they will go limp so she does most of the driving for me.They are both so loving with me that I am afraid of hurting their feelings if I say anything about them smothering me.At times I do forget that they are only trying to help and I snap at them to leave me alone,that I will do what I want to do.Then I feel like a mean person and appoligize to them.It is so hard finding the right balance.
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"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE PEOPLE LOVE YOU & KNOW YOU NEED NAPS! EVERYONE AROUND ME SAYS I NEED TO SEE A DOC CAUSE ITS NOT NORMAL TO NEED SO MANY NAPS LOL YET ALWAYS BE TIRED! THATS OUR ILLNESS THEN THEY SAY YOU LOOK HEALTHY! SHOULDN'T NEED SO MANY NAPS AGAIN I TELL THEM WHAT I HAVE I THEY THINK I'M LYING OR MAKING STUFF UP! YET THEY TELL ME TO SEE A DOC WHICH I'M =THREE! GIVES THANKS FOR YOUR BLESSING THAT THEY ARE NOT TELLING YOU THERE IS NOTHING WRONG W/ YOU! I HAVE NO-ONE=I COULD DIE IN THIS HOUSE & NOT BE FOUND FOR DAYS MAYBE WEEKS! ONLY THE DOCS /ACT CARE PROGRAM( A VISITING ADVOCATE & NURSE!) THRU MY PHYSCOTRIST= WOULD EVEN CARE THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! ALSO MY FRIEND SHAWN WOULD CALL THE PROGRAM! TO CHECK ON ME AGAIN WOULD BE DAYS! I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF TO SLOW DOWN & TAKE NAPS I USE A 15MIN TIMER, MY CAT & DOG COMES & TELLS ME ITS GOING OFF! THEN I CAN RETHINK WHAT I WAS DOING OR NEED TO DO =LIKE TURN OFF STOVE OR WATER RUNNINGOUT SIDE OR EVEN THE BATH TUB HAVE OVER FLOWED IT 4-10 TIMES=YES HE BATH FLOOR IS RUIENED! HEALING PRAYERS & AGNGELS TO WATCH & GUIDE YOU & BLESS YOUR LOVING FAMILY! OXO PAULA
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Dang! I can't even imagine such treatment. I'm thinking I'll be one of those people who die and no one discovers them until three weeks later.
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I know it must be frustrated to feel you're being treated like a child- but I think you are very lucky to have such support and love in your life.
Many of us have people in our lives who resent our illness and in turn are less than sympathetic, which makes dealing with our illness much more difficult. Are they telling you to slow down because you push yourself too far? Do you get grumpy- or can they just tell you've done too much? Are they hovering because they care or are they enjoying bossing you around? I honestly wish my family was that supportive and caring. I feel like I'm the glue that holds everything together and it's falling to pieces because I'm not "myself". Happy birthday to you, relax and enjoy it!!!!
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You are very very blessed. I think all fibro people do feel a bit like a child because you have to count on others when it comes to daily living. LIke housecleaning!!
I think so many of these wonderful postings have given you great advice. A good discussion is in order where you thank them, tell them how much their love means to you!! First and foremost..then ask for a bit more freedom as far as you deciding how much you can handle, unless they notice you pushing yourself. I tend to really push myself, so it has taken me 13 years, yes 13 to finally learn to take things easier and in peices so I can get things done. I cannot believe how personality A I am! I also find a regular routine super helps!!! You could ask if they would help you write up a daily schedule! Maybe then, they would stop telling you what you need to do because its right there in front of you. AS far as your daughter. Thats a tough one. She may be using you as a shield for life but you cannot change her, only yourself. You can however encourage her to take a class, online or at a local college. That would get her out in a new social setting plus help her future. Just make it a first step forward for her, and tell her you want to hear all about it, that you want to live through her life experience!! It would mean a ton to you. lol. try that!
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hmmmm if I was in your stituation I think I would try to explain to your family that sometimes just sometimes you need to push your self to far. Like with the birthday party. I would have perfered one nite of fun and late nite socialization with friends and family that werent worried about breaking me so that I could feel normal even if for jsut for a nite and paid the price the next couple of days. I know Im harder to be around the days following and I know my family suffers along side me but I also know I need to feel normal from time to time.
I know I am approaching that point myself. I have been on bed rest for over a month now and so isolated from people that Im about to explode. I will probally end up pushinf my self (with in safty limits for baby) so that I can feel normal again. Let them know you need to feel normal from time to time. Fibro wont kill you even if it feels that way some times and its ok to push its limits. If you are being so limited now what will life e like in 5 eyars? 10? will your bed time be 6???
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Thank you all for your comments it has helped me to see that I should really appriciate their loving care more,and I don't want to seem like I don't.I am used to being the one to take care of everyone else,to make sure their lives are easier.Now I just feel like a burden to them.In the last year since my health has went down hill I can't even hold babaies because I am afraid of dropping them.Right now there are 5 in the family.Up until 5 months ago I thought I was loosing my mind because I was so tired and sick all the time and nobody seemed to know what was wrong with me.And I was afraid to tell drs and family how much pain I am always in because there are some of my family who are having problems with drugs.
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