Fibromyalgia Support Group

It's been a while since I've posted, it's been an insane year. I was dx with fibro in April of 2011, as most of you probably already know, but what you don't know is that right around the time I was dx, my husband became severly depressed over some things that some how creeped back into his head from his past. We finally got him help and now he's on meds, he's doing a million times better and now I'm left with the last years scar all over me. It was hard listening to the things my husband would say to me, the accusations he'd make without any reason at all.

In the last year I lost my best friend, my sister, no, she didn't die, she just quit. She got mad at me for something really stupid and hasn't spoken to me since, she also moved clear across the US. She and I were best friends, we hung out every day, we actually BOTH moved so we could live in the same neighborhood, 1 street away (not even a full street because we lived at the end and they lived at the end)! I babysat my neices every single day and they were like my own children! Now they're gone and she has another baby (which she told me she was prego before anyone else, she was actually really compasionate about it, she knows I won't more kids, but can't have any so she wanted to make sure I was the first to know, to give me time to be upset or sad if I needed) that I can't see, that I don't know if or when I'll meet

In the last year my uncle passed away from lung cancer, that was actually only on 6/10 so it's still fresh. I didn't see him but once a year at our Christmas party (sometimes more during bday parties and such), but whenever I needed him, he was there and I miss him so much more then I ever imagined.

In the last year we lost our home because of this stupid MONSTER who took so much of our money trying to find what was wrong and how to fix it (which I now know isn't possible). We've moved back in with my mom who steals my pain meds and every oz of sanity I have!

In the last year we've become so broke (because my husband's work has cut back hours, in order to keep from having to let some people go) that I started selling nails (I design and sale them) and I have yet to make a penny! Even though everyone ALWAYS says how much they love my nails and I sale them really cheap!

Here we are, today, or more the past few days. Everything that has happened over the last year is just sinking in because I wasn't able to really grieve much of anything, much less the loss of myself, I started to before my husband became depressed and then all of my energy went into trying to make him happy, trying to make him understand that there is NO WAY I could cheat on him, not only because I love him too much, but I can't even get out of bed most mornings! They've switched my meds around AGAIN and I am HURTING, more then ever. I wake up every morning so swollen I can hardly move (thank God it's summer and I don't have to wake up and get the kids ready for school), my nightmares have returned full force so when I can sleep, I wake up scared and sad and wishing I hadn't slept, sleeping has became a double edged sword. The pain is becoming more and more unbareable and over the past few days have had to take 4 pain pills a day instead of my usual 3, which of course will get me into some major trouble at the end of my 30 days! But my pain doctor is incredibly stupid and refuses to understand that 3 just isn't enough, 4 would work and I don't think it's too much, but I could be wrong!

I woke up today and just cried, I am SO sick of hurting like this, I thought the pain was being managed pretty well (for the most part) and I NEVER imagined it would get this bad, I'm sick of the nightmares and the off and on sleeping, I'm sick of taking these meds that make me cloudy, but still do'n't take the pain away (completely, they do help SOME). I don't know what to do anymore! I feel like I've become lost in this body, this swollen, painful, unwilling to do ANYTHING I want it to do anymore, stupid body!
Posted on 07/01/12, 09:48 am