Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Support Group

I've thought about this a lot too. My adopted daughter is 18 and I just figured this out about 3 yrs. ago. Recently I shared a letter to her from her birth mother and she sorta figured it out for herself. Just today she said that maybe the cigarettes and alcohol caused her extreme behavior! Of course every kid will be different on this, but depending on their age I think maybe they have the right to knowl

When Missy gets a little older I plan to share the information with her. Right now I have talked to her about her adhd, bought the cutest book about a little boy explaining his condition and we have read it twice.

When I get into the FAS/FAE talk I will have to explain about her bio mom causing her to be born with it and I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, she's only 10 so maybe when she is 13 or so maybe longer???

Any advice on when you told your children??????

hi i have a son now 17 who is FAS. we adopted him when he was 5 but have had him since he was 2 days old. I had always told him of his FAS because I wanted him to be prepared and to not fall into the drinking as he got older. I believe today it was one of the worse things i have done in raising him. He is the most generous loving, caring and gentle young man. He loves the lord but boy oh boy does he hate his biological mom for doing this to him. He has a very high IQ yet has many learning disabilities. I look at him now and see a young man who has no future. He is determined that he cant have a life out in the world as he doesnt know how to relate to anyone. He told me before "mom I think about what I want to say and I know what I want to say but once I start talking it all comes out wrong" so he has no social life. He says he is missing the ability to feel emotions. He has no short term memory. Like he picks something up or puts something down and 2 seconds later he forgets what he did or where he put it. He cant do math and has lost all desire to do anything. What do I do. Where do I turn. How do I get him help. I am just lost. I keep trying to tell him he needs a support group but he says no. ok anyone got any suggestions.

I am engaged to a man who lives with FAS. He is intelligent and self-sufficient in many ways with a heart of gold but has had a difficult life due to the memory and cognitive issues associated with this disorder.

He was adopted and his parents told him during his younger years that he suffered from FAS. I really think that it's different for each child but for him, it has helped him to understand why certain things are more difficult for him than those around him rather than just driving himself crazy (he of course still has anger and frustration) trying to figure out why no matter how hard he tries there are just certain things that are beyond his control or grasp. As we are all unique and different personalities, I think that each parent needs to take into account their own unique child and decide what information will serve them best. Best of luck to you and God bless. :)

I've been giving this some serious thought. My little girl is only 5 years old but she knows something isn't right with her. She said to me the other day that God made her brain all wrong and she is mad at God. Often she will tell me her brain doesn't work right. She will ask me what is wrong with her brain that makes her act as she does. She knows her bio parents have drug and alcohol problems. Someday she will put it together for herself I am sure. I never wanted her to hate her bio mom, but doesn't she she deserve to know the truth? She might hate her if she knew the whole truth. Will she think I've lied to her if I don't be honest with her? I told her God made her brain just fine, but that she has to work harder at controling herself than others do. I told her, you are very good at reading, but for some kids that can be really hard, that everyone is different. She is going through a particularly difficult time right now with her behaviour. I want to do the best think for my little one. It would not be an excuse for her bad behaviour, but maybe if she knew the reason, she might understand it a little more and not be so hard on herself.

I had a short talk with Missy about why she has trouble controlling herself at times. I just told her that before she was born, while she was in her bio mommy's tummy her mommy was really sick with drugs/alcohol and did it the whole time she was growing. I explained her mommy was sick and that she should understand that, and be sad but not mad. She said she understood and we dropped it. I will go into furthur details with her at another time.

I think your gd should be told a little at a time as she can understand it, just stress that her mommy was sick with drugs.

JMHO

Thanks Lady. She is already angry at her bio mom because she knows why they couldn't keep her. For some reson she doesn't hold the same anger towards her dad. Maybe because she feels she knows him through me, and I really can't tell her much about her bio mom because all I know is bad. I do know bad things happened to her bio mom when she was young but thats not something I can tell a little one.

dshu,

Missy knows her bio mom was "sick" with drugs when she was born and the drs & nurses (CPS) said she couldn't take care of her properly but doesn't really want to talk about her at all. When we do talk about her I just keep reiterating that she was/is sick with drugs and alcohol... not the truth that she is a street walker that would do anything for drugs, alcohol or money to buy it. Missy doesn't know that her much older half brother was born with fas/fae as well, but someday I will have to tell her.

Like your gd mine doesn't seem to have the same resentment towards my son (her dad) as she does toward her bio mom and the adoptive's. I guess because she at least has contact with him via phone at least once a week and she did stay with him occasionally for a weekend. I wish my son had been much more involved in her life when they were both living in Ind but he wasn't, I think it would have made a world of difference in her life. . She misses him so much and tells me sometimes that she wishes her daddy could come for a visit, what she doesn't know is that he is planning a trip as soon as he saves up the money to pay for a flight, it will be a surprise for her. Now.....he told me that is what he is doing but he will not be allowed to tell her until the plane ticket is paid for and I definitely know he is coming, I will not have her heart broken because of a casual promise on anyone's part.

She is very angry and hurt that her bio mom did that to her, and she is mad at the adoptive's because they were always fighting, calling each other and her horrible names and sending her away all the time.

I know the time is coming, I'm afraid not too long from now when she is going to realize fully what happened and be terribly angry at all of them for what each did or didn't do, my son included. They are going to have some very hard questions to answer, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes!! And she is going to need lots of help dealing with it. I'm not looking forward to that time at all.

i believe that by schooling the children a little at a time, but making sure the parent is the one to hold accountable and i mean both parents.

I have always been opened with my son and yes he holds his bio mother more to blame, i think because she carried him. He doesnt speak about his bio dad as he is angry and doesnt care right now. maybe one day he will.

I do believe that by me making him aware and making sure he gets his answers to his questions, and yes there have been many, helps him to process and make the bouts of anger shorter.

He is still a very confused young man though.

I also believe that when they meet the absent parent they should meet the real absent parent and not one they have fantasized about because they haven't been told the truth.

I have never specifically told my daughter that she has FAS. I have mentioned that some things are difficult because of what she went through before I got her. I deal with her behavior like I do my other kids. It is what it is. I figure what is the point in putting a name to it or blame. She knows she has issues, but she knows she is expected to work through them just like everyone one else does in life.