Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Support Group

Hi All, It's been quite some time since i've been around here. we've been getting swamped here with bad luck and bad health. I just need somewhere to vent my frustrations right now so here it goes. My 10 year old son is struggling desperatly with stealing, lying and peeing in innapropriate places. it's escilating and it has become unbarable at times. We did start in home counceling about 2 months or so ago and it obviously has gotten worse since then. I hold onto the hope that it is getting worse now because of that and it will get better?! So he has been under punishment or grounding for quite some time now. he steals and gets grounded and as soon as he is ungrounded he steals again and has to get grounded again. it's a very very vicious cycle. So to outsiders and family members who are ignorant about what were dealing with it looks like were treating him horribly.

So that being said my husbands 4 brothers decided to turn us in for child abuse. They stated in the report that there is too much screaming, yelling and long term punishments. My thoughts were "really??? Well, when you have to wake up in the morning and smell urine in your whole house because your son has peed in the heating vents for the 3rd time let me see you not yell a bit, and when you start dealing with the obsessive lying and stealing lets see you just let your kids get away with it. " AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
We were terrified at first that the county would come take our kids away, but when we started talking with our councelor about it all she assured us that would not happen. so after the inital fear went away we were pissed off!!! it is absolutly appauling to us that people who by the way have literally been to our house one time in 2 years for about 2 hours total think they know our children or know whats best for them. one of his brothers has seen the kids a total of 5 times in 2 years and another for one week in 2 years the other about 4 times and the other 2. thats in 2 years!!!!!! none of them have been here to our home to see the kids or talk to us or see how we run our house.
Not one of them is interested in learning about FAS or RAD or ADHD which 4 of my children have. They dont know the first thing about these disorders. They have heard that they have these disorders but dont care to know what it is. They have never offered support or to help watch the kids so my husband and i could have a break from the madness here. not one of them knows anything about us. These kids have made massive strides in learning and they are growing and thriving. But they wouldn't know that because they didn't know them when we took them in.
They see the kids getting put in time out during family functions or see my oldest son not be able to go sledding or snowmobiling with his cousins at a family function so they assume we are being to harsh. but what they dont know is if i let my son go do those things then in his mind he has won and it's ok to steal because he wont have concequences.

I'm sure i'm rambling but i'm just sooooo MAD!!! We have so many other people in our lives who we count on and trust with our kids and several of them are mandated reporters. not a single one of them feel like we are abusing our kids. they all are angry at what these people have done and some have even laughed at how ignorant they have been. My husband and myself know that we are doing supposed to be doing to help our family live happy healthy lives. Yes, I yell, and yes sometimes i have even screamed. Yes sometimes our kids are in timeout for a large portion of the day and yes sometimes they have to be grounded no matter what is going on at the time. But NO that is not child abuse or grounds to get our family ripped apart.
I'm so sorry for going on and on.....I am so hurt, angry, and in disbelief that my husbands own family, his brothers would try to hurt us and our kids this way. If they had any sence about them they would have offered help or asked us what was going on or brought their concerns to us. But they thought that ripping these children from the only loving home they know and seperating them out into some foster homes would have been better for them than being with their mom and dad who love them very much and who they also love.

My advice to anyone taking in children with these types of disabilities......be very very carefull who you allow to be any part of your circle. I have been told by a few social workers and now some councelors that this is in fact a very common occurance. especially if the children are family before you take them in it is common for your own family to turn you in for abuse. I'm sure there are many psycological reasons why, but from what i understand it happens all the time.

It's devistating to have it happen to you. It has and will now deprive our children the privlidge of knowing and growing up with all their family supporting and loving them. it's heartbreaking.

Thanks for listeing to my rant. God Bless.
Posted on 02/27/09, 11:02 am