Female Sexual Issues Support Group

you sound exactly like me when i was your age. the only difference is that i could make myself come after i found my mom's ''back massager'' and learned to orgasm that way, but sex with a person is an entirely different sensation. the level of arousal is much greater with a person, but vibrators are basically just orgasm machines. anyway, using a vibrator became so easy that it got boring after awhile. sex with a lover feels empty when you're with someone you care about and you can't experience what everyone tells you is the absolute peak of intimacy.

but back to what you were saying: i don't know how to cope with inability to have orgasms with a partner as far as how it affects your relationship. i became very bitter and cynical about it, because whenever i became involved with someone, the fact that i never had orgasms made me lose interest in sex after awhile, partly because no orgasms made the whole thing seem pointless, and partly because i resented my partner who was having them all the time. i feel like i missed out on a lot of years of dating, love, and relationships because i felt it was impossible to sustain a romantic relationship while missing one of the essential components. it makes me sad that the medical/psychological community don't take this problem as seriously as it deserves.

if you're looking for advice, i believe alot has been posted here already. the only thing i would add is not to try TOO hard. i suppose if you've never orgasmed on your own, learn to do that first. use some lube, your fingers, and a smutty novel. i have mixed feelings about vibrators, because although they work really well, they don't feel anything like a human touch, so it's harder to learn to tell your boyfriend what to do, because nothing he does is going to feel like that. if you can't get turned on enough on your own (i used erotic stories) then try to have a session of relaxed ''sex play'' with your boyfriend, where there is no particular objective other than having him touch you in your favorite ways, the ways that get you the most worked up, and just lose yourself in those moments. (hint: it was when i was not expecting anything to happen that i had my first orgasm with a partner). as far as your boyfriend's frustration over your inability to orgasms, i would put that last on the list of things to stress about. he can either grow up and realize it's not his fault, but either way it's his problem. you are already upset about this, it's not fair for him to dump his insecurities on top of that. in fact, i absolutely commend you for being honest in the first place. you are doing all of womanhood a favor by not faking or lying about it -- those are what contributes to guys who get impatient because they think that whatever they're doing ''should'' be making their girlfriends come.

regarding some of the replies in this discussion: i have read that women who are ''biologically incapable of orgasms'' are VERY rare; less than 3% or something. so i would bet that's unlikely in your case. as others have said, your age is definitely a factor; women who can have them at your age, especially from penetration, are very rare (another hint: lots of girls who tell you they are having them are lying). the only one of my high school friends who was orgasmic with her boyfriend got there from oral sex, not intercourse.

in fact, to everyone who is reading or who has replied to this, i intend to start a discussion to ask other women who don't have orgasms, but are in a relationship, to explain how they maintain arousal/interest in their partner if they can't come.

i hope you found some of this helpful. don't worry about it so much now -- you're younger than most women are when they become orgasmic, and it's not a race. you will figure it out eventually, or it may just sneak up on you.

yeah i realise that too...the older you get the more sexual you become. i can get turned on now really easilly and have such less anxiety about than i used too.

In general I also find it hard to orgasm except maybe with a vibrator.I feel like I can't be bothered to have sex a lot of the time; it just seems so much effort and feels like it takes so long to get the big O.I have looked at my diet and perhaps seen some improvements and some improvements throuhg drinking far less.It's horrible to feel abnormal.

dazed1 --
after countless conversations with strangers, i have found that i can at least take comfort in the fact that women who have sex without having orgasms is very normal! it actually angers me that in this day and age, society refuses to acknowledge that women rarely come as easily as men while having ''penis-in-vagina'' intercourse. i wish that a more realistic version of women's experience of sex could be portrayed by information sources, media, and so-called ''women's magazines''. maybe then there woudln't be so many women who feel ''abnormal'' about their bodies' sexual responses.

Me too.For me it is not just the actual intercourse-I also find it difficult through foreplay though funny enough it has been a bit better lately and I am not really sure why-perhaps becuase of a better diet.What is particularly hard is when you are with a partner who has a high sex drive and you don't,I know it is about compromise but you know.It is frustrating.

Only once in my life did I orgasm during sex. I was 21 at the time, and despite my better judgement, I was on top. Something to consider. It worked only that one time. There is also a very powerful 'toy' you can buy which might help. It's expensive, but well worth it. It's the only thing that works for me. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post the name of it though. Let me know, and I will if you want to know. Good luck to you

newagegirl --

why did you say you were on top "despite your better judgment''? it worked for you, so i'd say it was pretty good judgment!

in fact, of all the women i've heard from who can orgasm from sexual intercourse, a great deal of them say they HAVE to be on top for it to happen. for one thing, more blood flows to the clitoris, causing it to become more engorged and presumably more responsive. not to mention you have more ability to control how you move against his body, which is essential to how most women achieve orgasm.

I think I can help you achieve an orgasm. First of all there are nutritional things that must be present in your system or you'll never orgasm. Number one is testosterone. You must get blood work to see. You can rub on testosterone gel prescription. Women should balance with progesterone which is often another problem as well as estriol, esteodial and estrone. Next add GABA, arginine, ornithine, tyrosine, niacin as well as some other nutrients. Each has a different function but what you want to have happen is to create nitric oxide in your blood which allows anyone to have an orgasm. Nitric oxide is critical for the tiissue in the clitoris to relax the blood vessels making engirgement if those veins possible which without nitric oxide emwiuld not allow the whole cascade of arousal, engorgement, pleasure and sensuality to happen for you! Next you need to see if your not depressed or have any psychological blocks, read For Myself about women exploring their own sexuality. I hope I helped. I'm a guy but I've learned alot through the years... Hope you discover and rekindle your sexuality.

Have you tried using a vibrator? I myself, like majority of women, cannot climax from penetration. Clitoral stimulation is my only option and it was through pleasuring myself that I was able to learn what works for me. Only when you know your own body well enough can you really expect a partner to be able to get you to the O. My boyfriend is good at oral which is really great, but no other man ever could get me there.