What is Female Sexual Issues
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or c...
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Low Libido, what to do?
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Hi gals, I'm new to the group. As I've read in past postings, I'm not alone when it comes to having a low to no libido.
I have a wonderful husband and he's a wonderful father. He's very cute and is probably what many woman would want. We're both 39. We have a 5 yr. old daughter and twin infants age 8 mos. I am a stay at home my with the twins. Fortunately, the 5 yr. old is at daycare. If she weren't, things would be 10x's tougher. I have issues when it comes to sex. I wish I wanted it like he wants it or even a small fraction of what he wants. I want to make him happy and be the wife that he can brag about, but I simply don't have the energy or desire. Sex feels like a chore to me. It's just one more thing to add to my already long day. Anyhow, I want to want my husband, but my body says NO WAY and my mind says, are you crazy. When he tries to get close to me, I just kinda brush it off as a joke because I don't want to be misleading and have him think I'm ready to go when I'm not. When we have sex, once every couple weeks according to him, sometimes less, its good but getting in the mood is sooo difficult. I try to advise him of things he might be able to do to get me in the mood, but he's afraid that if he goes out of his way, he still won't get it and he might not. I just want to go to bed by 9pm after watching for a bit. I don't know why this is such a task. In the past however, its not like we had some steamy, hot sex. It was always good but not so good I wanted it all the time. As time went on, my interest went down. I don't know if its because there no excitement to it or what. Sometime I think because I'm older, have children to care for, have an STD that sometimes aggravates the sex issue, have gained a few pounds, not much be enough to the point that I don't really feel sexy at all, that this is why I'm not interested. I could care less about sex. If we didn't have it for months, I wouldn't be pressed at all. My husband still thinks I look good, but I beg to differ. I take his compliments as a way to get me under the sheets. Of course, I know some woman would be grateful for that, and I am, but I'm still not interested in sex. We just went on vacation this past May for our anniversary and had sex four times that week. The first two times I wanted to and enjoyed it. The other two times were for his benefit. I could have lived without romp numbers 3 and 4 but i did it for him. I was able to go the extra mile because I wasn't tired and I had nothing else to concentrate on so it was easy to engage in sex. Now we're home and sex is barely there. I wish there was some libido pill to make me want it. Is there? Any advice, suggestions or just to know someone else is like me out there would be helpful? I guess I can't always be on vacation huh. :) Posted on 06/30/09, 04:06 pm |
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You are lucky to have a husband that wants sex, sex is not as bad as you think, have sex with your husband as often as he wants. At least YOU have sex, I don't. 
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I forgot... to get you in the mood, drink some alcoholic beverage with lots of ice, yeah.
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LOL. If it were that easy, I'd be having sex and not on this board talking about it. As for the advice to have some drinks, done that. :) I'm a wine connoisseur... really. :) So, the problem is primarily... mustering up the energy and finding a way to be interested... I'm so tired. Ugh! Its frustrating as I'm sure you well know but from a different perspective evidently. :)
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oh dont worry, its just a little help you need theres nothing wrong with you.
Try and take a step back and have a little fun with yourself and enjoy your own pleasure. Walk about naked shower be sensual. No alchohol helps me its an emotional issue. How do you feel emotionally? Maybe see a therapist? Enjoy your own body back to basics....enjoy
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I completely understand. I have a 5 year old and 7 yr old twins. And believe me when they were younger I didnt want sex AT ALL. I think my husband I actually went about 6 month without having sex. (thats the longer ever and our relationship almost feel apart) It sounds like you are overwhelmed and lost in motherhood. Does you husband help out with the kids at all? You need to focus on you a bit and dont worry so much about the sex part...it will come. Do something that will make you feel sexy. ask for help with the kids when you need it..and talk to your husband about things that can help you take some of the stress off your shoulders. Its not easy being everything to everyone which is soo expected of us moms. IF your husband loves you and wants to make you happy and wants "sex" from you then he will go out of his way to try to make that happen. I hope things work out. good luck
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Hi Everyone,
I really appreciate the responses. And, Vaebutterfly, thanks for your supportive comments. I am sometimes overwhelmed and don't even know it. My 5 yr. old drives me nuts because we're struggling with her being a "good listener". She constantly chats, loudly, which creates a chaotic environment when she gets home from daycare. The twins are really the least of my problems, but towards the end of the night when they start getting cranky, I'm tired, feel worn out and I get cranky too. Everything at the end of the day is a chore and usually my mood changes at 6:30pm when my husband and daughter get home because they bring home chaos for what was once a peaceful, quiet environment. My husband is a good man. He does try to make me happy and for the most part, gives me what I want and need. With that being said, sometimes I just feel like I'm being a big bitch when I don't feel like having sex! However, last night I went out with some friends, came home with a new attitude and jumped my husband. He was happy as pie and I enjoyed it too. I have to say though that if I didn't have sex last night, I wouldn't have been bothered by it. I could go for months without it. THIS, not caring to have sex, seems to be my biggest problem. Not wanting to, but wanting to only for him, being to tired to give it to him and often denying him. Like I said, it feels like a chore. I want to want it like he does, but its just not happening. I need to find a way to boost my interest and I feel I've tried everything (videos, romantic settings, masturbation, etc), and there hasn't been any concrete solution that's long lasting. If there is a pill that works, then perhaps something I should consider. Anyhow, thanks for listening everyone. I know there are women on here that have much bigger fish to fry and I feel for them as I do have a workable situation. I'm not overlooking that fact and I'm grateful for what I have. I wish everyone the best and hope their sexual issues become resolved soon or at the least, get better.
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Please, when you dont feel like having sex your not a "bitch" your words; you are upset or tired. My ex girlfriend used to come back from work and dive on me and sometimes i was tired and i didnt say that really took us apart emotionally.
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I think id does sound like it is an emotional problem. It sounds like your tried all physical things. I hope that you can get a proffessional to help you talk about feelings and history that may have hurt you and mean you dont want to accept pleasure for yourself.
Or of course you could just be Knackred! Lovely talking with you.
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I'm a 42 yo single mother to a almost 4 yo. According to studies, it takes an active engaged mother of even one child (never mind 3 kids and 2 of them twins) three hours to shift hormones and emotional/mental gears from the nurturing hormones to the jump the lover hormones. It is an actual biochemical process. That may explain why when you went away, you came back feeling better.
There is also the change in how we relate to our own bodies after becoming mothers. I was quite sexually active the year before I conceived my child. Once I was pregnant, I wanted sex more than ever, but I conceived with a donor (I'm a lesbian) and was single since I was two weeks pregnant. All that lovely horny energy went unexpressed. Once my daughter was born, I was exhausted and even depressed. When my hormones normalized, the hormones of breastfeeding turned off my sex drive for a long time, maybe about 2 years. I was hungry for relationship but not sex. Now that she's almost 4 and I'm doing a lot of things to care for my health, reduce my weight and build up muscle as well as improve its function, I find myself getting much more interested in dating and sex. Things that are working: getting better sleep now that my Vitamin D deficiency is being corrected. Sleeping better because of treating my sleep apnea using a CPAP machine. Kettlebell workouts. Z Health exercises with my personal trainer. Hormonal balancing. There are many things that might help but I don't know you well enough to fine tune my advice yet. Feel free to message me or friend me. You can find the balance you seek and you deserve to have a happy you. RW
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I consider myself havin no libido lol. I'm on a lot of meds, which includes meds for depression. I've been told it could be the meds makin my libido low.. Anyone else think that may be the cause or is anyone havin the same issues with meds?
Julie
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