What is Female Sexual Issues
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or c...
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No sex and married for 17 years
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Hi everyone,
I need some advice please. I don't know what to do, I'm at the end of my road with this one. I've been married for 17 years, known my hubby for 22. Sex, was always ok, but lately over the past year, he's completely lost interest. He never makes a move on me, and when I try with him, (like starting to kiss or cuddle and fondle,) he's too tired, or if its the morning, he jumps out of bed. We have three kids, 14, 12 and 9. Sex has always been abit of an issue, but never this bad. We never cuddle or kiss or really talk. When I have talked to him about this, he just closes up and doesn't want to talk about, and boy, I've really tried. I've got to the stage now, where i don't bother, as I can't bear the rejection. I don't know what to do, and I'm not the sort of person to write this, but i need help and advice. Please suggest to me if you can, what to do. Last time we had sex was Christmas day. Before that, probably June. Any advice, really appreciate. I feel very unloved and alone, and also very unattractive. I can say I've put on weight, but he says he's not bothered about that, is he just being nice. I'm loosing weight now, and have lost quite alot, but still no sex or anything. I miss the affection and close ness of making love, but don't know what to do anymore. Thanks, Love Noods xxx Posted on 04/01/09, 07:04 pm |
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Hi,
Sorry to hear you're got that issue going on. Is there a preformance problem with him ? That you know of. I've never had to deal with that, Im afraid I might turn into a Cast Iron Bitch an no one would come near me. lol But really I would tell him offten and loud that he's not preforming to my satisfaction and we need to do something about it. He might resist the idea of seeing some one for help as he might not think there is a problem. Ask him if hes still in love you. if he is then ask so what gives??? Have you done oral on him lately that always seems to break any ice there is in my relationship so it might be worth a try too. Let me know how you mske out 
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hi kat, thanks for the reply
Yes, believe it or not, i offered oral once and he said he was too tired. There might well be a problem, with errection, and i said to him about that, that we can talk about it, but he never wants to. I think he's too embarrassed. I managed to talk to him this morning, which was nice, we covered alot of stuff. But not about sex. I asked him if he loved me, as i feel he doesn't even like me very much. He said he knows he's not good at that sort of thing. I don't know what else to do really, I just feel something is wrong, but can't grasp what it is.
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Men don't like to admit to a sexual problem or see a doctor about it. If he isn't having that problem it could be any number of things. I personally have not come across with the lack of desire other than my first husband was cheating on me and was feeling guilt and no desire for me anymore. The not wanting to cuddle and such has brought up a red flag with me. Not saying that is what is happening! Your husband may just have lost the desire for any number of other reasons. Stressing over the economy, his job,his health,depression and age for some men. Enjoy whatever you have with him and service yourself for the rest. Hope I help some. : )
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Thanks so much for your replies. If nothing else, its given me food for thought.
Love you guys, just to be able to share on here, and someone actually reads it and listens.
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Perhaps he is having a male problem (ED, low libido, swollen prostate, etc) and is too embarrassed to talk to you about it or go to a doctor???
Just a thought.
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thanks, he has been to a Dr and also had a scan, they couldn't see anything wrong.
So, who knows, think I should just jump on him!
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my hubby has a premature ejac problem and takes meds for hight bp and cholesterol. It greatly effects him and his desire for sex and his performance. He says it physically is painful. This has effected our sexual relationship and we don't have sex very often. Does your husband take any meds? If so, maybe they are effecting him. Depression can also cause this. Is he depressed? If so, maybe meds would help. In any case I understand what you mean and I hope things get straightened out for you. In the meanwhile, how about investing in a vibrator. I have one and it helps.
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Sexual withdrawal is often a symptom of a deeper problem. Perhaps you would benefit from some marital counseling. A lot of times, with that type of therapy, one or both parties are advised to get individual counseling.
My exhusband didn't seem to like me, much less love me, for the last 8 years of our 29 year marriage. It was all very passive aggressive stuff, though, so outside of not having any sex whatsoever, we got along 'okay.' We have a mentally disabled son and I just assumed that we were going to stay together forever for our son's sake. Boy!!! Was I surprised when I got dumped!!!! If you think there may be problems within your relationship, even if they're mainly one-sided, best to try to do something now, in case later proves to be 'too late!!!!' Good luck!!! I know how sad and lonely being sexually rejected can be!!!
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Maybe a change of scenery for your talk? aka a mini break. My mum and dad were having problems with their sex life (my mum's got a lot of intestinal issues), and my dad has the same trouble communicating as your husbands sounds like he has. Get the kids to stay with some relatives for the weekend, go away, just the two of you. Get him relaxed and he might open up. As people have already suggested, he may have some sexual problem that he is too ashamed to talk about. Men feel their masculinity is epitimised by sexual potency. Maybe he doesn't feel masucline because somethings wrong?
It may sound odd, but maybe write him a letter to tell him how you feel?
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