What is Female Sexual Issues
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or c...
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Loss of enthusiasm
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I've lost my enthusiasm to have sex wtih my husband. I don't know what can be done about it. Here's our story:
We had a 50 yr/male/lost job/relocating relative move in with us 7 months ago. I'm damn sure this is where the 'problem' is. NO privacy. EVER! Even when he isn't at the house, when he does come in, he's soooooo quiet, you can't hear that he's come home. You never know when or where. He say's he's that quiet because he doesn't want to wake us up. (even at 4pm or later? give me a break!) Here's how it's been going: Just a few months prior to his move-in, I reached my sexual peak, as alot of women do in their late 30's/ early 40's. So, hubby & I were having sex very often.....then the relative moved in.... If we go to bed early (8pm), he heads to his room too or he'll stay in the livingroom & watch tv but turn off the volume. Soooooo, when we realized we had an audience, our sex life went from 4x a week to 1x a month. I'm going nuts! It has caused alot of tension within our marriage & I've even told my hubby that it would be easier to go have an affair than to have sex at home with my spouse! It's true! Most resently, I don't even want to have sex with him. It's not worth the anxiety of "Are we being listened to? Are we being quiet enough? Is the bed squeaking? Did I just moan too loudly?" Augh! We can't kick the relative out, they don't have a fulltime job yet. We can't afford to stay in a hotel everytime we want to have sex & we can't afford to pay rent for the relative to live somewhere else. Psychologically this living situation is taking it's toll on us. How can we change our attitude toward this? How do we save our marriage & our sex life? I don't want either of us to feel like we need to go 'outside' the home to get our needs met. Any suggestions would help. Thanks! Posted on 09/11/09, 05:09 pm |
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Turn on the radio or the tv in your room louder than you are.
Don't rely on the relative who is trying t keep it quiet/listen in? to respect your privacy. And work on them getting to move asap. 
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I'm not sure how open your family is, but it may help just to talk to him. You don't need to necessarily tell him exactly what you're doing, but explain that you need some alone time every now and again. Or even plan it... tell you relative that you and your hubby are going to have a nice night in and wouldn't mind some privacy, if he has somewhere he can go.
Or, if you don't want to talk to him and depending on your financial situation, you and your husband could take day off together every now and then when you know your relative is out working or job-hunting. Just make sure you know what time he's coming home.
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Well this may sound harsh, but I believe in protecting marriage before protecting a whatever relative. This is dangerous to your marriage and as you've already stated, you both can't get the time to connect emotionally or sexually that is a necessary part of a marriage.
My own advice, kick the guy out of your house. He's been there long enough and its time for him to start taking some responsibility. Don't be a pushover in this. He is NOT your responsibility. Your responsibility, that you made vows to, is to your husband...same goes for your husband being responsible for you. Second of all, after you let this guy know what the new game plan is, I would suggest start having sex as loudly and as often as possible. Be your husband's girlfriend...like when you two first met. Play out every (legal) fantasy you have and don't care who hears it. Then have your hubby take you out to dinner to connect over some grub and wine. Come home and repeat process until you two have the marriage you're supposed to have!! I can see your heart in this. You wanted to help out a friend and thats great! But its destroying your marriage and I promise...keeping this guy happy and comfortable is nothing compared to how you're gonna feel divorced. This isn't worth it.
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I agree with Sparrow. Even if this guy wasn't so creepily trying to listen in, he has had more than enough time to find a job. Few adults want to work at McDonald's, but it's better than nothing. Give him 30 days to get a job and get out, and if he hasn't left by then, give him the boot.
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