Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

Hi Libbysmom

I am sorry to hear about your daughter, is that her on your avatar? She looks so cute.

My mum has breast cancer. I find the best thing is not to think about it. Keep busy with work or hobbies or friends or anything so you don't start brooding. Don't be proud, let people help. Let them look after the kids and pamper yourself. If you are trying to do everything and run ragged then you aren't helping your daughter at all. Also it might help to talk to someone, not necessarily 'proper' counselling, maybe just calling a charity helpline if you are upset and venting your emotion with someone anonymous who is trained to help, if you feel you can't call your friends and family for support. Talk to the doctors too, there are probably things provided by the hospital as well.

The most important thing is you don't have to be on your own here, in fact being strong and alone seems to be only causing you stress. Ask for help, I have found there are a lot of people out there who are very kind and supportive.

I couldn't be you. My mind tries to think about if it were one of my children when they were small and it recoils away - I can't even let myself think about that. So kudos for you for getting up every day and trying to get through it all over again.

I think being needed keeps me going. I think knowing that my husband's mood and indeed his peace of mind and security are all dependent on my own mood and involvement give me impetus. Left to myself, I'd probably fall apart, but I'm needed and I can't afford to let that happen.

I also take "me" time when I can. He's very good about sitting beside me watching television while I read or knit and just feeling that I'm there with him. I haven't really cooked in ages - no heart for it - but I'm having a good time planning for Thanksgiving when his whole family will be here and throwing myself into that. So projects that matter to me, time to be on my own away from it all, they all do help. If you like to walk or swim or anything else like that, it can be most helpful as well.

All the best to you. What heartbreak and worry you must have. I know you want her not to be suffering all this and yet you can't make it stop. This is a good forum for you to be able to express your feelings to people who will understand.

PS - I agree - let other people help you. It actually makes them feel good and feel appreciated, and then you don't have to be keeping all the balls in the air by yourself. Don't just accept help but even ask for it when you just can't handle it all.