Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

I feel the same. I don't live with my mum and so my stepdad does most of the caring. I feel useless and can't do much to help. I just do what you do, I see her every week and either go out or help around the house.

Your husband is lucky to have someone as caring as you. It worries me that he has stopped taking his meds, this could have serious consequences. Is his doctor aware he is not taking them? My mum has a big filofax and during her chemo listed every med every day that she had to take and ticked when she took each one. If he is into computers there are probably programs he could use to keep track of meds, excel for one. I think you also need to mention your husband's state of mind to his doctor, the doctor could suggest things to help. Also mention your own feelings - there are resources available for carers. Have you been taking care of yourself as we all advised last time you posted? As I said then, it is important to do stuff you enjoy and look after yourself. Are there any other family members or friends who could care for your husband while you take a break?

sometimes i feel like a am a burden on my love ones.

Very good information from Lizzie! It is hard to bring in other people to help support you, but once you do, you won't regret it. As caregivers, we are the most emotionally invested and thus, are not always the best at judging exactly what needs to be done. I run into this problem all of the time myself. I call it 'the can't see the forest for the trees' syndrome. It is just that you care and love your hubby so much!
Also a pertinent comment from daredude. Men are very proud creatures and are used to taking care of their families. When this essential part of their pride is damaged, they are going to struggle. Could you find a social worker or someone in your circle to talk to your husband, one on one? Sounds like he needs to vent to another male.
Hoping you a better day,
JK

Thank you all for your comments. He's been with hospice almost since he was diagnosed and they send a social worker and a psychiatrist to see him regularly. There's also a male volunteer who comes by every week & they're really bonded. So all that is in process.

Also, since I'm still working fulltime, I set out his pills first thing every morning on a grid I drew up that has the hour when he's supposed to take it. He just takes it right off the grid. But he's been quite depressed this whole week and I've found a few pills left on the grid when I get home.

His hospice case manager and social worker both know about this and are working on tweaking his psychotropic drugs so he'll be a little more cheerful or at least mellow. So we're mostly trying these things.

Daredude, don't feel like that at all. They're your loved ones because they love you just as you love them, and I'm sure it's meaningful for them to be doing whatever they can for you and in fact helps with their feelings to know there are ways they can help and be with you. So please don't feel like that. I know my husband sometimes does, too, but I tell him I'm the judge of that and so far he's not a burden in the least because I love him and want to be there for/with him.