Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006, and was sadly gone in a matter of weeks. I feel guilty that I never went to see her or went to her funeral, but at the age of 12 I was in a world of pain and had no clue what to do. Because my grandmother lived with me and helped raise me, it was like losing a parental figure. You are NOT a bad granddaughter. Never, ever think that. It's okay if you can't talk about it. I still can't, and that's normal. If you want to grieve, that's okay, too. The best thing you can do is to honor her memory. Carry yourself well and try your best to be a good citizen. Treat your family with respect and maybe even volunteer at a hospital or do a cancer walk if you feel ready. I know it hurts. Just remember she is watching over you, and you two will meet again someday, rest assured! I hope you begin to heal. Give yourself time and keep your chin up. Add or message me anytime!! :)

xooitsnicole has some good ideas. What about a donation to a cancer charity in your nan's name, or a memorial bench for her in a favourite spot? It might also help to seek some counselling, to speak to someone about your nan and your feelings. You aren't a bad granddaughter, you were a child of 11 and it is scary to see a loved one sick and dying.

I also have a massive amount of guilt. My mum has recovered from her cancer but when she had it I found it very hard to deal with. I couldn't visit her in hospital, I couldn't bear to see her with tubes and machines. My dad died when I was very young so she was my only parent until she met my stepdad in my early teens. I have always been afraid that she would die, I used to feel I had to keep my eyes fixed on hers in the car mirror to be sure she was still alive, and had big problems going to sleep as a child because I felt I had to stay vigilant in case something happened. And then it did, my nightmares had come true and I couldn't handle it. I feel enormous guilt that I left my sister alone to sit with mum in her hospital bed. But if I had been there I would have been very distressed which would not have helped mum or my sister.

Regarding doctors I am not fond of them either. They are a lot less expert than they let on in my opinion. When my mum had cancer it seemed like it was really slapdash - they would chop off a bit. look at it to see if they found any cancer near the edge, if they did they would go back in and chop a bit more. In the end she decided on a mastectomy as she got sick of them messing about. Often they won't even bother as in your nan's case, they like to tell patients they are making things up as this is easier and cheaper for them than investigating.