Family & Friends of Cancer Patients Support Group

I would say that the best thing that happened to me while being my mother's caregiver (she passed away from colon cancer Dec. 3, 2009, after being diagnosed October, 2002), is that I know I had the power, strength, and love to care for her from the beginning to the end. I still have my days of uncertainty over some of my choices, but I do know that I did my best. We loved and enjoyed each other more in the last months, and for that, I am eternally grateful...
I have a greater appreciation of life and nature which I learned from my mother and father, Now, as I work outdoors preparing my gardens, I feel that they are there with me, cheering me on. It is my goal to try to enjoy life more and to live healthfully. That is another gift from my time as caregiver.

Why should there be good things about it? As far as I can see, having a loved one suffer a horrible illness is bad. There is no shame and nothing wrong with admitting that, it is just a fact.

I think it's easy to focus on the negatives and if I do that, I'm doomed. If a loved one has cancer, it's SO hard to see anything positive. If I have a positive attitude at least it might rub off on my loved one. . . at least it can't hurt.

I believe it can hurt. For example, if someone is trying to be positive and struggling, because they feel very real hurt and fear and pain, which they push away and force down, this can then erupt and have a worse effect than if the person had been honest about how they felt. It can also lead to people feeling really guilty about the way they feel, because they are not bright and upbeat. This worsens the feelings they already have.

I don't mean spend the whole time moaning at your loved one. But you are as important as they are. They depend on you as their carer. I think it is important to be honest about how you feel and talk to each other and cry together.

They will also be feeling these negative things. They are more trapped as due to chemo or illness they may be restricted in who they can mix with or speak to. People lose many friends at times like these as well, due to the friends feeling uncomfortable and basically not staying in touch. So it is important in my opinion for the person to feel able to discuss anything with the few people who are true friends, even negative things.

I have two close family members who have cancer, both potentially terminal. They both fear death, but I no longer do. I believe that sometimes when there has been suffering in life, death can bring a quiet and peaceful end to that suffering.

The illness has also taught me that life is short and that there is no promise of tomorrow. So we need to make the most of today. Take an inventory of your life and LIVE IT. Don't wait until you are ill. And whether you are a person who has an illness or a person who is a caregiver or a person who is blessed to be neither, live the good parts of your life along with the bad - allow yourself to do that.

In being a support person for someone who is ill, you find within yourself (at times) that you have an amazing strength to keep going and you are able to do things that you never thought you would be able to do. It doesn't always feel this way - sometimes you just feel like crumbling under it all.

I became a good cook!
As a teenager, I was the main caregiver for my mom who had lymphoma. She needed to eat to keep up her strength, so I would make fabulous dishes I learned from watching cooking shows. She would always complain that I "gave her too much food" - so I would put tiny amounts of really great stuff on her plate, and then she would say - is that all I get? : )

My 2 year old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia and now she is 4 and ending treatment next week.
I would say there has been many positive things such as the love strength and courage to get through any situation. It's given me a whole new outlook on life and to not worry about the same stuff. We don't put things off until tomorrow because we never know what tomorrow will bring.
My daughter has gone through the last 2+ years with a smile on her face and has taught us much about loving life.

Being a caregiver for my husband hasn't been always easy there is alot of pain.. The best thing that has happened to me, is seeing my husbands smiles & laughter during this tough time.. We are dealing with terminal cancer but just knowing the fact he is still with me and his positivity from all he has gone thru, there isn't anything more that i could ask for.. Keeping as much positivity going is helping the patient more than anyone really thinks, this is a special gift that only a caregiver can give..

Quite a diffent question, but thanks for asking..

Hi,
I'm totally grateful for this topic because my love and me (he has metastatic cancer, returning one) try to keep up a positive attitude each day as/and we've found it most helpful. Glad whenever we find others who consciously try to grab the good part of things and so we can encourage each other. I also believe in God and we both believe in reincarnation and kharma, so this is much much of extra help.
We also have a non-usual relationship (if there are 'usual' relationships at all! :)) ), he's 60+, I'm 30+ and we've just found each other a year ago, he was rediagnosed a few months ago as a strange surprise :P
Anyway, I've discovered many good, yes, GOOD things since we're dealing with this thingie, e.g.
if I was able to be happy with the simple joys of Life before - now I can get so enthusiastic about them, stopping and paying full attention, giving thanks, letting smile overtake me, that a few people think I've gone crazy :)))
But, you know what? Let them do so! After all, at some point of our life on Earth we should learn how to exclude negative voices. Now we have a perfect chance, so to say!

Once again, thank you for this brilliant and very spiritual place, I think I'll be a returning visitor ;) I've found a place on the Internet, where sentences started with: Thank you for cancer for/because...
Wisemen say if we are able to give thanks for any sort of thing - we are enlighted. Well, time to get closer to this, as it seems... *sighs*
We've started to realize good things after the first shock, of course. But thanks God, that's gone :)

Hugs and

@Beccaanne
Thank you for writing all this. We're just living these emotions these days.
God bless you, wherever you are on your journey dear.