Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

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HI! i'm new to this sight. I don't know where to start so lets just do it. My wife is bi-polar and I've been dealing with it for a long time now. I have tried to understand that it's an illness and took it in to consideration with everything that comes along with being the spouse of someone who is bi-polar though it has not been easy. I have dealt with alot of different issues with her including the cheating and we have worked thru it. Recently I have found out that she has been cheating on me again for a little over a year. I see the cycle happening all over again. She tells me she does'nt want to be with me anymore and that I deserve someone better than her,( same ole, same ole),I can see rite thru the wall. I know she loves me with all her heart cause I know who the true her is when she is not stuck in her highs. She is on Lithium but not getting the counseling she needs to go with it. I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm hurt, angry and confused. You would think that a person would get used to it after so many years but you don't. How do you let go of your soulmate and hand off to this god forsaken disease. There's nothing I would'nt do for her but I don't think I can accept this anymore. We have been together for 20yrs. and married for 141/2 yrs. thats a long time to throw away but I don't know how to go on from here anymore. My biggest fear is that I won't be there for her when she crashes back down to earth. I'm the only one that has ever been there for her and it would kill me if she ever hurt herself
Posted on 10/06/09, 12:10 pm

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20 Replies | Most Recent

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Reply #1 - 10/06/09 12:59pm

hi..sorry this is happening.

If the behaviour is being driven by the BP you would expect that she would be having an episode. In theory only while we are in an episode (and that's the mania/hypomania rather than the depression) would we exhibit hypersexuality, risky behaviour, doing stuff out of charachter. Over a year seems like a very long time to be having a manic/hypomanic episode.

If she has ben in an episode for that time then clearly the meds aren't working and she needs to see the doctor again.

We don't all need counselling, for many of us the meds are sufficient. is there some other reason why she needs counselling?

Reply #2 - 10/06/09 1:07pm

She has alot of issues with her childhood that she has not dealt with. She also is'nt taking the meds the way she is supposed to. she doesnt take them when she drinks.

Reply #3 - 10/06/09 1:23pm

ok, well drinking will undo the meds.

So basically she is unmedicated.

I assume you've tried to stop her drinking and to take the meds? Do you know why she drinks..if it is because the meds don't help then the obvious is to get her to take something else, so she does not need to drink and so she is stable AND sober.

Reply #4 - 10/06/09 3:31pm

Yes I have tried to get her not to drink but she just gets really mad and says that i'm just trying to control her and that I just don't want her drinking because I don't drink. The reason she gives for drinking is that its fun and she likes to do it. I think she is self medicating. So does the drinking completely neutralize the meds?

Reply #5 - 10/06/09 3:51pm

I don't drink myself but a number of the people on BP board have in the past and they say it will interfere. Alcohol alone of course can cause mood swings.

The 3 most common bits of advice on the BP board are

1. Go to your psychiatrist/ER
2. Take your meds
3. Don't drink

As to how to stop her drinking..unfortunately that's something I don't know what to advise on. Maybe if there is a support group here for F&F of alcoholics (I apprecuiate she possibly isn't) they might be able to give you some advice on that. But equally i think a lot of the BPs drink to escape the depression but also the awful anxiety that sometimes comes with elevated moods.

Reply #6 - 10/06/09 4:07pm

I don't think that she is alcoholic but when she does drink she doesnt know when to stop. she drinks herself into oblivean. I'm finally starting to realize that it has to be her that wants the help and that all the begging and pleading and trying to steer her in the right direction is doing nothing but making me look i'm being controling to her. I think it's time I just let go and hope that she realizes what she has lost and gets the help she needs. She has been diagnosed with Bp and was doing the counseling for a while but quit going and quit meds. then she started up on the meds a few months ago because she said she was tired of being that way.

lr78571

Reply #7 - 10/06/09 4:50pm

UGH... Parttime, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm in the same situation with my husband too. I don't really have anything to add, Curious really knows his stuff and pretty much covered it all :)

This is a great group for us who support BP sufferers, you are not alone :)

Reply #8 - 10/06/09 4:51pm

do you think she might be willing to come to the BP board to talk? Or if she wants some privacy there are some others I know of.

froggiez2

Reply #9 - 10/06/09 5:59pm

Part time, I feel like you are speaking my words....my husband drinks to feel better, to kill the pain.....and like you I have always been there when he came crumbling down....there were times I was the only one ever there...mine has never cheated on me (that I am aware of) but its so hard to stick this out, I am at the end of my rope too....but there is still that part of me that is afraid to leave him (even though he moved out a month ago, I am afraid to give up on him) for fear that he may need me and no one else will be there....

I wish I could offer your words of wisdom but I am just as confused and angry as you are. If ya need a ear I can always listen.