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Discussion:
Adult Daughter who treats me poorly
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I wish it were as simple as to say I deserve to be treated better but its
not so simple. I find my hurt feelings are turning into rage at times.

Iam not well but she takes her 6 year old daughter here almost everyday
afterschool for me to watch, cook for, feed, bath, read to and get to bed. The thing is, shes not a good mother so I`d rather the child be here with me so I don`t worry about my grandaughter. But offer to help me once in awhile. Some days I`am bedbound and nothing changes, she expects the same day in and day out and I have to manage all by myself. The child has seen us have terrible arguments, mostly because I speak and her mother had probably been drinking. Right now shes not drinking, so she says but she is so unstable. With the flip of a switch her mood can become a rage if I say the wrong thing. Most everybody outside never sees this side of her, they see the sweet beautiful, hardworking single mother. I know the abusive, selfish, disrespectful daughter I gave birth to has broken my heart. Why can`t a counselor see through her? They all believe her cunning ways.
I can`t turn my back on her as much as I would like to for the sake of the child .. Today she informed me that she has a free gft card for the place she works and thats where I`am going for Mothers Day. This was after I told her I cant aford to take her to a resteraunt this year for her B-Day this week but week can get some Chinese and eat in. I told her I already spent a lot on gifts for her from me and her daughter.
I think that was a dig because she was not getting taken out to eat.
I started to cry after she left the house about the way she treats me.
I eventually told her how I felt about this Mothers Day gift and how I feel insulted. She of course got mad and said, now Iam in a bad mood! She is such a spoiled selfish bitch. My heart breaks and I have no way out. I wnder what her daughter thinks. I must hurt her so.
She did however come thru for me last week when I needed to get to the doctors because I couldnt stand up. I asked her to come over to drive me to the dcotors. At first she said , see if you can find someone else to do it. We hung up. She callled back and I didnt answer her call but she did leave me a message saying , ma I`ll take you, after all you do babysit every day.
Sorry for the long winded story. Maybe I just need to vent because I really don`t know what else to do.
Posted on 03/28/10, 08:55 pm
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Reply #1 - 03/29/10  6:46am
" I really am shocked at how some children treat their mums, especially one that does so much, as you do.
All i can say is thank god for you, for your grandaughter's sake!
I wish you peace and better health.
Hugs Juney "
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Reply #2 - 03/29/10  11:14am
" Yes, our children don't see the world from our perceptive. Hopefully, one they will when they are our age. In my opinion, I would everything I could for my grandchildren in this situatiion. Right now, she is need of someone who can give her stability. However, I would put the arguing aside where she doesn't hear it or see the anger between you and your daughter. It sounds like your daughter is using alcohol to deal with her own unhappiness. She could probably use some outside help. But she may be in denial. You are right, she is treating you with disrespect since you help her out and she gives nothing to show you her appreciation. I had a similar situation with one of my daughters and it turned out badly. I have not seen her 3 children in 3 months since we had a big blowup. She is angry with me and won't speak to me. I continue to try at least for my grandchildren's sake cause I worry about them since she lives a life that is not healthy for her children. You are not alone. It seems like more and more parents are dealing with similar situations these days. Let us know how things progress, ok? "
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Reply #3 - 03/29/10  9:48pm
" I find out last night the child spent the night with her. They had people over and her daughter didnt listen to her when she wanted her to put on her pj`s. I knew when my daughter told me today they had a little problem something happened.. She won`t let me ask any questions tho! She proceeds to tell me that she wasnt listensing so I tried to get her clothes off her and she hit her head off the bookcase and was crying. Tonight I asked my granduaghter what happened. I also noticed a black and blue thumb print on her (left I think) lower arm, probably from when her mother grabbed her so hard to get her to do what she wanted. Thats her style, abusive. ... My grandaughter said she doesnt know if it came from ma ma or not it might have. I dropped it. She did say, she hit her head back on the bookcase and mama never came to comfort her when she was in so much pain and in tears.
This is why I put up with so much crap. I wish somehow someway someone would interviene. I have tried every avenue I know and everyone shuts doors in my face. Counselors have failed this child miserably. Social services thinks my daughter is a wonderful mother even if she is usuing drugs at times they said. I give up! "
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Reply #4 - 03/30/10  5:48pm
" I wouldn't normally reply like this because I don't even know you or the whole situation and I don't want to offend you or be hurtful in anyway especially since you are already so upset, but I hope you will at least think about what i have to say and ask yourself honestly if I may be right. Only you know because like I said only you and your daughter would know the whole situation. I read all of your post and your reply more than once and it just stood out at me. Sometimes it really takes someone seeing things objectivly. First of all let me say I know your upset and everyone says things they wouldn't normally say when they are, but the way you spoke of your daughter, your own flesh and blood that you brought into this world and I'm assuming raised is just awful. I mean we as parents have to take some responsibility for why our children are the way they are which requires us being painful honest with ourselves. Now I'm not saying we should beat our selves up over it because the past is the past and everyone makes mistakes. There is no perfect mother or child for that matter, but sometimes we tend to hold one another back from change or from becoming a better person and getting past our mistakes by staying focused on them. Chances are your daughter couldn't be better if she wanted to because you see her as a horrible, selfish, immature, mean, thoughtless, ungrateful, abusive, drunk thats just a b**** as you you stated and maybe it's the same for you maybe you feel like she sees you a certain way and you can't get past it either. Here's the thing though YOU are the mother and she is the child even though she is grown and has one of her own. You are still older wiser and more mature than her and God made YOU the mom for a reason and that's to be the one to set the example for her and live and guide her unconditionally. Let me make something clear though loving her does not mean you let her treat you like crap! Once again I don't know the whole story, but if you have honestly been a good mom and raised her well and there's no reason for her to have any unresolved anger toward you for anything you may have done in the past and she has just desided to be an evil person on her own. Then you just need to pray for her and love her from a distance until she starts treating you better, but first you need to be honest with her about how you feel without acussing or placing blame. Just tell her your sorry if you have ever said or done anything to hurt her and make her react this way towards you, but that the way she is treating you is hurtful and if she's not willing to change it then you'll have to distance your self from her until she is. Just remeber as hard as it may be at times that YOU are still her mom and it's our job as moms to find out whats wrong with our babies and try and help them no matter what there age, even though we made need help our selves sometimes. It's part of the job that unfortunatey we don't get enough appreciation for. We moms have the hardest job in the world. I really think you and your daughter can have a great relationship if your willing to be the bigger one and try to once again look at her through the eyes of a mother instead of maybe being resentful that she isn't more of what you need. I'm not sure if maybe you don't have anyone else, maybe there's no husband or father (maybe that's where some of her angers coming from too) or maybe you don't have a mom of your own (maybe she has passed or was never there to begin with)but whatever the case it seems you are in need and aren't well. I'm sure that's very frustrating not having anyone to be there for you and it sounds like you all don't have a whole lot of money either which can make things worse. I'm only trying to help, I'm not in anyway trying to cut you down, but if this is the case and you can't get anyone else to help you but your daughter than I would recommend trying to make some friends, maybe join a church near by, or get to know some neighbors, maybe find someone that could help you out sometimes and take you places etc if you can't afford to hire help. I would have to say as much as I'm sure you want to be with you granddaughter it sounds like its not even wise in you condition for you or her. Also by you taking her all the time and assuming your daughter can't handle her own child it will only cause her to never grow up and mature. Sometimes you just got to let go and let god. I know you may be worried about your grand daughter but she needs her mom to be a mom not you and your daughter needs you to be her mom and have some faith in her that she can be as good a mom as you. You can teach her that by loving her and showing her how to be a great mom no matter what and that way she wil pass that down to your grand daughter and they won't be having these same problems one day. I speak with love from much experience very close to home. God bless you and your family and you will be in my prayers! "
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Reply #5 - 03/30/10  11:39pm
" what a rude disrespectful bitch. "
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Reply #6 - 04/01/10  3:48pm
" I'm just saying, respectfully, that sometimes people are just psychotic and/or sociopaths, and at other times there is SOMETHING there that is causing this kind of behavior. Which one do you think it is? Either way, blaming will not solve anything. Neither will name calling. Actually, name calling and finger pointing will only exacerbate the situation. "
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Reply #7 - 04/01/10  3:50pm
" Post script: I avoided my mother like the plague - the reason being if the woman criticized me or put me down ONE more time, I was going to explode. She never quit. So I stayed away. I wasn't treating HER poorly, I was saving my own sanity. "
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Reply #8 - 04/09/10  3:18pm
" I agree with ILOVERABBITS !!!
No matter how good or bad we raise our children, eventually they will choose WHO they want to BE !!!! "

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