What is Family Issues
A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accomm...
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Desperately trying to reconnect!!
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Recently my life has gone from bad to worse. My daughter, who is in her late teens, has basically written me out ( or so it seems she wants to ) of her life. She constantly tells me she hates me and does not want me to walk her down the aisle if and when she gets married, etc. This really hurts. I know that I have not been the best Father to her by a longshot. I have a definite tendancy to focus on things that are negative and seem to be constantly telling her to clean this up, do this, why is that???, etc. I have also yelled in anger when she does not listen to what I tell her to do or when she disrepects me. I never earned my kids respect since I always made the mistake of wanting them to be more like a friend to me, rather than a parent. She is very hurt by all of this and this is why I am in this predicament. I am trying once again to turn my life around which I have done in the past but then failed after a short amount of time. I really want it to stick this time.
I am having so much trouble even getting her to talk to me, sit near me, etc. Anybody have any ideas how I can slowly reconnect since it is going to be a slow and long process if it does happen. Posted on 11/04/09, 06:11 pm |
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Teenage years are difficult to say the least. As hard as it is, try to stop the yelling. When you are feeling that you are getting to that "cracking" stage, walk away and calm down before you react. It takes time, patience and practice to learn how to communicate effectively.
1.Seek info about teen development. Talk with other parents. 2.Know that you’re doing your best as a parent and value your increasing wisdom. 3.Have a positive attitude about your changing teen and your own life changes. 4.Talk to your teen with 2-way communication. Listen and share things that are important to you both. 5.Stay interested in your teen’s life. Spend time with your teen and encourage them. 6.Keep your perspective and sense of humor. 7.Enjoy your teen! Consider what you appreciate about your teen and let them know. 8.Most important of all, tell your teens how much you love them. Because love heals all, and speaks much louder than words. Good luck to you. You can do this! 
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Connect with her heart above all. Also, you have to become a safe person. Get help to see why you have been raging, critical, unforgiving, unloving, negative, apathetic, etc... Just stopping a certain behavior for a while doesn't get to the deep issues. If you don't face and heal your problems you won't be able to be who your daughter and your family need as a father and husband. I know. I live this and so do my kids. They need safety, love, protection, kindness, calmness, care, peace, and a soft place to fall.
Instead they have gotten enormous amounts of stress, rage, finger pointing, criticism, ignored, dismissed, negativity, complaining, unsafety, ranting, crying, aloneness, feeling like their sense of well being really doesn't matter, and then more excuses, empty promises of positive changes, more raging, and on and on.
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Is your daughter engaged? Where is her mother? It sounds as if your daughter needs attention, but the right kind of attention. She is striking out at your and you say you've failed, but how have you failed?
If yelling is the worst thing you can list then you can stop that. However, it seems she is getting the upper hand with her threats of shutting you out. Best advice I can give: Silence. No one can argue long with a person who is silent. It takes two to quarrel. If you remain that way she will soon try to get on your good side. Give it a try.
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