Family Issues Support Group

I'm thinking........ I'm thinking.

This is a very fragile situation. A lot of scary subject matter here.

The only thing off the top of my head is to contact the prison and see if there are any programs around to help your son deal with it.

I wonder too, if any groups that meet like AA or any addiction groups would know of other kinds of groups. Or your local mental/hospital. I'd have all the documentation of 'the incident' available so that any assumptions that might be made can be dealt with from the getgo.

I think even before that though, his self-esteem needs to be dealt with. No other measure taken will help if he doesn't feel he is worth redeeming, in spite of what the new laws have labeled him, (which also to me seems very unfair).

And, I'd be willing to bet that a professional medical person would tell you you're too close to the situation to be the one to help.

What a mess... But I won't give up thinking.

Are you in a face to face support group for co-dependents? In counseling? You need help to get what you need in order to know how to deal with your son's issues.

It's a nice idea about seeing if the prison has any programs and they do. Unfortunately they are not what they seem. My boyfriend spent five years in prison and is a convicted felon who accepted what he did and knew he had to change. He has been out a year and still isn't working. He tried the programs but they don't do anything for you. What I have learned from my boyfriend is that you have to WANT to make things better for you. He hasn't worked since he got out and he is getting depressed yet everyday he is out there pounding the pavement trying to find some type of work. He needs to want to make a better life for himself not rely on you to support him. I don't say kick him out cause my boyfriend lives with me and I support him but he also helps in other ways as well. Sit down and have a serious heart to heart with him and put your foot down and stop supporting him 100%. Make him do somethings on his own too.

It sounds as if he could use a disciplined environment to give him a cause or a reason to live if he is unable to find employment. Would the military accept him? My son is in Afghanistan and is very proud to be in the National Guard. Maybe this would be an avenue unexplored or would his record be help against him. They need fine young men and do give them training and purpose. Maybe a visit to a recruiter would and explain he was but barely a kid himself when all this happened.

My goodness, whatever you do, do not take sottovoce's advice on this one, he wont get in anyway, as they take your mental state of mind into account, and having three very close family members in the armed forces I can tell you, if you think you are worried about him now, imagine what it's like every time the news says another soldier has been killed!!!!

That was terrible advice, my brother was in prison for five years, and sure enough, he cannot get a job either, he stayed with me for a while after he got out, and like your son he became increasingly depressed.

I started by finding out what he was interested in, which turned out to be football, photography and gardening, so, I made a compromise with him, if he did my gardening for me, I would pay for him and a friend to go to a footbal match! It turned out that he really enjoyed gardening. So the next thing I did was encouraged him to do my neighbours gardens for a small fee, which he did. Then, I sugessted he saved up for a camera, which he did. He started taking photos of the local scenery, and sold them in cheap frames for a small fee. Then as a Christmas present, I bought him a business management course, which he passed. Soon enough, he had set up his own two businesses, one as a professional photographer, and the other as a landscape gardener. Despite the recession, both of his businesses are doing well. He now owns his own house and car, and to think, three years ago, he was in the exact same position as your son.

There are plenty of things that you can do to help him, but firstly, you need to find out what he enjoys doing. It's unlikely that he will ever be employed with a criminal record, but with a little ingenuity, what is stopping him from starting his own business?

Hope this helps