What is Family Issues
A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accomm...
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My husband doesn't know how to deal with stress
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My husband has been blowing up over the stupidist things lately. He says that the stresses in our life right now aren't getting to him, but then he unknowingly takes it out on myself and our children. My baby has been sick for a week and a half and I have been up all hours of the night with him....I am exhausted. My husband doesn't work right now, he is on parental leave to "care for" our 4 children, the baby is 8 months....while I work full time, monday to friday.....but yet I am the one waking up and taking care of the baby.
The other night, the baby and I woke him up at about 4:30 am, heaven forbid. He started loosing it at me, saying that I need to relax and my stress is taking it's toll on him. I don't think he even knew what he was talking about. All I did was mumble to myself that one of these days I needed to get more than 2 hours of sleep. wtf? Anyways, he woke up the entire household because he was yelling at me from downstairs while I was upstairs and slamming doors like it was going out of style. I was totally mind boggled and couldn't believe what he was doing. It was like dealing with a 2 year old that you can't talk sense to. How can I get him to "dummy up" and quit directing his anger in such awful ways towards the people he loves? I feel like a bad person for allowing my children to even witness such ridiculous behavior. I am almost at the point where I feel I should leave and force him to cool off on his own, but it's not so easy leaving MY house with the kids. Posted on 10/01/09, 11:10 pm |
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TELL HIM THE TRUTH. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. WHY IS HE HOME RAISING THE CHILDREN AND YOU WORKING? A MARRIAGE IS ANOTHER JOB, YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT. MAYBE HE IS ANGRY THAT HE'S THE ONE STAYING HOME AND YU WORKING. NOT SURE BUT MABE MALES PRIDE. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE THE BREAD WINNER IN THE FAMILY. 
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I wish it were that easy to diagnose. He is at home because he got laid off from his job due to the GM crisis. After that happened he decided to take some time off and get his shoulder fixed. He had to get ligaments replaced and screws put into his shoulder. He has found another job, but can't start for a few weeks until he is properly healed.
Our life has been completely chaotic in the last few months. The contractor that was adding onto our house screwed up royaly and we were forced to bring it to the courts.....still pending. Then my step son was kidnapped by his mother and the police had to bring him home a week later. Now we are going to custody court......AGAIN!!!!! Our relationship seems to be falling apart and instead of trying to mend it and draw us back together, he seems to be taking the other route. He is just plain selfish and figures he is the only one that is dealing with stress, therefore taking it out on everyone around him. My problem is that I don't know how to make him change his thoughts and actions. I have tried everything it seems. I actually convinced him to talk to a counsellor....which he refuses to go back because they did nothing for him. I know there is probably no one that can help me out in this situation, I am just basically venting....I guess. But thanks for the input fibonae.
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WOW, THERE IS DEFFINATELY ALOT GOING ON IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD. NO WONDER EVERYONE IS STRESSED OUT. IF YOU LOVE HIM, WHICH I THINK YOU DO, OR YOU WOULD OF NOT POSTED THIS. JUST KEEP TELLING HIM HOW YOU FEEL. MAKE A SPECIAL DATE JUST YOU AND HIM. SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT MUCH HELP, BUT I'M HERE ANYTIME YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO YA. GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND.
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I know what you are experiencing since I have done things like your husband is doing now and I am experiencing the consequences of my selfish behavior at the current time. I have no problem going for counseling and have gone with my wife and children on occassions. It seems though that I have difficulty in "getting it" and fall back at times into these destructive patterns. What helps for me is to take long walks, walk away from confrontations, seek quiet time, read the Bible and other self help books and try to improve on my behavior. It has taken a toll on my wife and children and I an sorry for that. I feel as if I am always getting put down ( which does happen at times ) and my family seems to always be annoyed with what they refer to as "my stupid questions". If you can get him back to counseling or at least look at the anger management group on this website, maybe that would be a start. I feel for you and your situation, maybe hearing what he does to you and your family will help me in seeing my irresponsible outbursts.
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Unfortunately you cannot change him. The best thing you can do is to get help and support for yourself. I know that it is hard to do with work and small children, but it's actually for your children too. I have been living with a rageful husband and my kids and I have suffered deeply from it. I also have the guilt of staying in this relationship.
I am getting help for myself and my husband is also working on himself. The problem with him is that there is always an excuse for his rage and venting, etc... He does not fully take responsibility and I don't think that he ever will, even with yet more professional help. My hope is in reaching out and getting as healthy as I can be. That is the best gift that I can give to my children besides our faith in God. You, I, and our children deserve much better. Home should be a safe place in a crazy, stressful world. God bless, Ann
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helpseekerdon, it is kind of nice to know that my husband is not the only one that acts like this and that it is not just my "thinking". But also, your input kind of gives me little hope. He will not own up to his own actions and figures it is entirely US that make him miserable. When in reality, I think it is the situation with his own son that makes him act out negatively towards the rest of us. He doesn't want to make his son upset, but he doesn't see the harm in making the rest of us "pay" for it.
AnnSummerton, at least your husband is trying to make himself better. Not too sure what steps he is taking on doing this, but I envy you for that. Don't get me wrong though, I hope the best for you and maybe he will turn around *hugs*. But unfortunately in my situation it has been quite a while now that he has acted like this toward our family and he shows no signs of seeking help, aside from the ONE counselling appointment. Which, by the way, he only tried to make me look bad in. His councellor requested I go see him as he thinks maybe I am the root of the problem. goes to show how good he was. I mean, I admit I am not perfect, nobody is, but at least I take steps to help myself out.
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Sheira, I am not going to tell you what to do, because I think you already know what you should do! But I do want to ask you a question...
If you were forced to choose between your husband and your children, who would you choose? Don't get me wrong, I am in no way trying to offend you, it's just, I grew up in a household like the one you are describing, and my mum felt that having an abusive dad was better than having no dad at all. Unfortunately, the stress and fear that I experienced growing up traumatised me so much that I developed multiple personality disorder. Everyone thought that I was fine, but I was just really good at hiding it. My mum died before I was diagnosed, but I know that if she only knew the damage that growing up in that kind of enviroment caused me, she would have left him years ago. I know it's daunting and difficult to throw a man like him out of your house, but it is possible, I suggest you go and speak to a solicitor to find out what court action you can take before your husbands behaviour gets any worse. He's not going to change, there are some men who can change, and some that can't and he's in the second category. So like I asked earlier... If you had to choose between you husband and your children, who would you choose?
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