Family Issues Support Group

My good friend- we call each other sisters- is married to an abusive alcoholic with anger issues. They have two children age 5 and under, are both more or less unemployed- though not for lack of trying on her part- and cannot afford their rent, much less food or anything else.

Her husband will soon collect unemployment & then military disability at which point the only that would keep him from drinking all day is is she takes all the money and all the credit cards away when she goes to work. When he drinks he becomes physically abusive to her. He has threatened to kill her on three separate occasions, and has hit her several times. Our mutual friend confided in my that she witnessed him slapping the five year old across the face for no other reason than he was drunk.

When he is not drinking he is rarely supportive and has emotionally abused her and i suspect mentally as well, as five years ago she wouldn't have put up with this crap if she hadn't been pregnant with his child.

When she is miserable, she is not a good mother. The oldest needs his shots, and he needs to be in school. Their living situation is up in the air so I understand her desire to wait and enrolll him until they are settled somewhere. She doesn't seem to realize that having him in school will give her time to work, care for the younger one and find places to live.It will also get him a at least one meal. I have calle dthe county services and I told her about the country's health & human services innoculation program for $0 per vist or free if you meet income qualifications. I told her I would help her get her sons in if she needed it, as they only have one car and her husband refuses to get his license.

The younger one is a very unhappy baby. My sister is stressed out and miserable and the kids get the brunt of it. She yells at them all the time. There is very little to no structure in their learning and our boss (we work for the same woman) has told me she doesn't know if the kids eat when they aren't with her (our boss).

When my sister's husband was working they didn't qualify for food stamps, but she did have WIC. I told her to apply for foodstamps again because I"m sure this time they will qualify(plus the county info guy said they would).

She told our boss that in October they were going to try to have another baby because they want a girl, Two boys and a girl.

HOW DO I TELL HER THIS IS A TERRIBLE TERRIBLE IDEA???
I am afraid she want this child to try to bring her and her husband together again. They were very close when the second baby was born. What if it isn't a girl? She was too young to be a mom and she doesn't want to be one right now. I am afraid the eldest is going to get pushed aside, because he already had been a bit when the second one was born. They cannot afford to properly feed or house themselves now, they aren't possibly going to be able to afford an infant.

She is not going to be happy with another child. She knows they won't be able to collect unemployment forever, and her husband has become a lazy alcoholic who won't acknowledge his anger issues and get himself some help.

My nephew confides in our friend. He tells her he doesn't think his dad loves him, and that he doesn't want his dad to be his dad anymore. He also talks to her about his dad's drinking.

A CHILD OF FIVE SHOULD NOT KNOW THAT DRINKING MAKES HIS DAD CHANGE. There is something wrong with that picture. I told our friend to call CPS next time she sees the husband lay hands on the boys, but she is hesitant to ruin a friendship and to be in a position where she can protect somewhat.I understand that as I have wanted to make time in my busy schedule to give my nephew a place to learn and be safe.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I don't want to overstep boundaries or move too fast. My sister knows her husband won't change. She's said so herself. I've given her information on abused women shelters and told her some of the place can help her financially. I told her to start making a plan so if he gets out of hand again she knows where she's going, how much money she has, things like that. She knows my place is always a safe one because that man does not scare me. Perhaps I should be, but I have so much anger and hate towards him for what he's done and what he's doing that the idea of letting him get the best of me is ludicruss. Besides, due to an domestic abuse situation that happend while they were staying at my place that he started, he is no longer allowed on my property by my landlord's orders. But I digress...

I am watching her life disintegrate, any chance of happiness, and she's taking her children with her..... and I want desperately to stop her but I don't know how.

Anyone any ideas? Advice? IF anyone's been in an abusive siutation, any tips on how our friend & i can help her more? coax her more? I don't want her to be finally convinced when she's lying in a hospital bed bandaged up .....

Please pray for her. Pray for Jax in S.D.
Posted on 09/05/09, 02:09 am