Family Issues Support Group

i haver a toxic mother, i cant know how you feel about a sister i am an only child, but my mother adds to my depression and anxiety all the time, she fuels it sometimes with her behavior, i am her only child yet most of my life i felt like the outcast of the family. your sister sounds like she needs more help than you do, sounds like you took the hard road but did everything right, and maybe she is envious of you for how you handled it, or maybe she is just trying to justify herself as the better person and you as a bad person for some reason,

i will be honest, to me she sounds toxic i know she is family but stay away from her. your true friends will stand by you and not listen to her. as for your mother, havce you sat down with her and told her the real truth about it

First of all, any and all negative influences can add to depression. So don't feel bad that it's family that is adding to your own feelings. It can be a friend, work, the economy, the weather, etc...

To me it sounds like you have a few issues going on at once.

1. Your relationship with your sister

2. Your relationship with your mother

3. Your feelings about your first sexual encounter

4. Your anxiety over your future life.


Sometimes depression can be a confusing place and perhaps it would be easier if you separated out all of your issues like my example above and worked on them separately instead of perhaps seeing them as a big tangled ball. It might help to keep a journal and write things down as a depressive state can sometimes make your mind skip from issue to issue with no resolution on any of them. Keeping a journal can help with this.

Also, thought he may or may not be good at advice, your boyfriend is your main "ear" right now. Talk to him about some of these things which lets you share with a real human more than you do online. I'm not saying be a whining drain on his life, but share some things that are bothering you and vent if you need to.

Sorry that you are going through this period and am sending good vibes your way that you come through it and can live a much happier life!

My mother has been toxic my entire life, as far back as I can remember, maybe kindergarten? I believe that is how long I've been depressed. And yes, I do believe other people can be the cause of our depression. My mother lives with me so I still get the negativity each day, almost each day, and its hard to make changes when what caused it in the first place, is still digging in to my heart. I don't think I have posted here yet but I'm glad that I did.

my parents are toxic been that day for a long long time. my parents make me feel like shit daily never had anything positive in my life i grew to the point where negativity was the norm and knew it wasn't. i still live at home can not move out until i get a job i am so mentally exhausted with pounding headaches.

Wow! I am really sorry for all you guys. First,I wanna say that God did not design for families to be divided and dysfunctional, but number two is that it takes a family to make dysfunctional.

I know what it feels like to live with ppl who are negative and don't really contribute anything good to your life. It's been like that with my own brother. I am the youngest of three.

Part of the reason why so I have PTSD is because of the strained and broken dynamics between me and my family, esp. between my mom and bro. A lot of strife, anger,disputes, violence occurred and boom! It changed everything. 2 1/2 yrs later, God has helped open doors for me, so I can leave from my family, hopefully sooner than later.

Sometimes and I can say it's going on now, there is no worst pain than those inflicted on you from your closest ppl.

I apreciate all of your comments! And JohnnyZ everything happened all at once so quickly it does feel like a tangled ball. I have been thinking about starting a new journel for some time now. This time im going to focus on writing positive entrys instead of negative, im also going to sepertate the issues that have been bothering me and try to figure them out for the better. Im a little nervous to share some things with my boyfriend, I dont want him to feel like I exposed our relationship.

I have definitely learned from this expierence to always keep a guard up when it comes to toxic people.

I have a toxic brother in law. This guy still lives with his mother, has no job or money and is trying to collect SSI because he gets bad gout. He was living by himself, until his latest business venture failed and the sheriff was forced to evict him. Until then, he would call his mother and my wife to beg for money for food and when she would tell him that she didn't have anymore to give because of her own bills, he would scream at her and call her names, and actually get mad at her for paying her bills instead of giving HIM the money. AFTER trying to get it from her, he would then call his sister, my wife and scream at her for not giving him money either. THEN call the next day apologizing and begging for money.

So eventually he got kicked out and moved in with his mother. She is also his biggest enabler. He continues to yell at her when she won't give him money. Somehow he managed to get money from somewhere to pay for his jeep and then he has the audacity to yell at her for spending money to put gas in her car because that means it's less that he can put into his. He also got her to pay his monthly storage room bill so that his stuff won't get kicked out and her response is always "What am i supposed to do ? Let him lose his stuff ?!" and we tell her YES !! Because he needs to realize that when you have no job and no income, you don't get to HAVE stuff !!

My wife has lent his thousands of dollars and he just continues to expect it and has NEVER even said thank you and they frequently fight when she tries to tell her mother that she needs to stop paying for everything for him. As we speak, my wife just text me to let me know that she has no money because she gave HIM over 300.00 to go on a fucking trip with his friends !!!!!!! One of the reasons that i don't like going over to the house as much anymore is because he and i have had words about this same situation and i suffer from severe PTSD from being a veteran and so i don't trust my temper around him because when we all lived there together for a short time and one month we had to give her a LITTLE less for rent (which he doesn't pay of course) he actually had the nerve to call ME a fucking leech !! And this was AFTER i had it out with him for telling his mom to shut the fuck up and calling her a bitch because she asked him to give her her ATM card back.

Let me paint you a little visual.....i'm a 360 pound powerlifter and he's a scrawny little shit with a gut because he doesn't take care of himself and has a bad limp because he always has gout. So..needless to say....i would destroy him in a fight quite easily.

So now i'm just getting texts from my wife as to what's going on over there. I'm torn right now because i do want to be there to defend her and her mother should he decide to get physical but on the other hand, if he and i were to get physical, like i said, it would NOT end up well for him at all. Her and her mother already made me swear that i wouldn't hurt him and i told them both that if he were ANYONE else, ....well...i'll let you use your imagination.

To top it all off, she actually let him handle her finances (a guy with no job or money) and my wife just told me that she informed him that she was going to be doing it from now on and apparently he just went off on his mother for it (verbally). I told my wife "Of course he's mad because that means that he won't have free reign with her money anymore." However, she always ends up feeling sorry for him and winds up giving him money anyway. H

He also does this knowing fully well that she'll never kick him out. All he does is lock himself in his room all day and night and watch tv and play on the internet.

The only saving grace is that her aunt and uncle lost their house and so they moved in with him so his outbursts are less frequent now. Her aunt didn't want to believe how he treats her but with todays outburst at least she gets to see this side of him now.

Sorry so long....i just needed to vent.

I have a toxic daughter n law. She likes to start trouble in the family. Thank goodness she has moved faraway.

"My wife has lent his thousands of dollars and he just continues to expect it and has NEVER even said thank you and they frequently fight when she tries to tell her mother that she needs to stop paying for everything for him."

sounds like my mom. my mom has been for years bugging people for money and never wanting to pay them back at all because of "we're family." in 97 at age 10 almost 11, my brother paid 2k for a divorce lawyer for my idiot mother yet she never went thru her divorce.

so, she says now she is so happy/content, hates people, hates my dad, hates the other women out there, etc saying my dad is better than welfare that he provides her a roof over her head, medical insurance, food, etc. wow! what normal mother with good self esteem would stay in the same in marriage like this?

what a lovely example to your daughters about love and marriage. my uncle told me how my mom has this you owe me attitude and everybody should take care of her we knew that. he doesnt want anything to do with my mom because she is nothing but a habitual liar yet shes the oldest sibling.

u try to help her theres no thank you in return, she screams, yells. curses you out, etc. then she cant understand why nobody in the family wants anything to do with her she says fuck them. my grandma sent her 700 dollars and my mom sent it back telling my grandma i dont need your money (mom is the one who begged her mother for it). ohhh, it blew up in an argument really bad.

my mom said its not fair she gives my brother money and not me pinning her kids against one another like she does with me and my siblings. i dont know if my grandma gives her son money just to be giving it because he's the only male and that he has this entitlement attitude that i do not know.

we all know my mom is horrible with money. u can give her money and she will spend it on something so stupid like jewelry instead of spending it towards the lawyers or a P.I. she brags about how she's a great saver because her generation from the 50s era were such savers blah blah i said if u were such a great saver u would have investments and assets and wouldnt be still depending on dad to take care of you yea she screamed when i said that.

both parents are narcs and sociopaths with mpd and everything else under the sun. she never has money always broke i guess always keep it spending it on crap. she almost has 20k now but i dont see her at the lawyers office thats enough to move out. she gets 745 dollars from my dad's social security. for years, she says i am always broke always having to scream at dad for money how bout get a damn job? she has not worked in over 30 yrs and has no skills except a nurses aide and working in a factory.

Well, Fridays are my day to go to my VA (Veterans hospital) for my weekly support group and to learn about coping and living with PTSD.

So...we got on the topic of anger and so i decided to mention by brother in law. Mostly because yet AGAIN, the wife and him got into it because AS USUAL he puts his nose into her and his mothers financial business !! My mother in law asked my wife how much she owed her (she pitched in for a birthday gift for me last week) and when my wife told her, her brother chimes in and asks what the money was for.

I had to hold back SO hard because all i wanted to scream was "None of your fucking business !!!" Thankfully, he decided to just waddle his gimp ass back to his little hole and lock the door as usual.

Anyhoo....the therapist who moderates my support group asked my wife how she felt about it and she said that she's worried about what would happen to her brother if he and i got into it ; but i know that she realizes how badly i could hurt him.

So, everyone in the room told us that he and i need to stay away from each other. Truth be told, if i never see this bastard again, it will be too soon and the only reason i tolerate his worthless ass now is for the sake of my wife and mother in law.

The therapist also told my wife that she should talk to her brother about my condition and how he needs to stop starting these situations. The problem with that is that he simply doesn't care and in fact he would probably only try to egg me on more, hoping to start a fight so he can get me arrested. However, i refuse to give him the satisfaction and i fully intend to let HIM throw the first punch so i can just lay him out and make it self defense.

So, i just do my best to avoid him at all costs. Unfortunately, sometimes i have no choice if i want to go and visit her mother, even though he stays locked in his room most of the time anyway. But as soon as i hear his door open, my BP skyrockets as i wait for him to give a smart ass remark towards the wife. Because i honestly believe that he does it on purpose because he enjoys it and he knows that no matter what he does, his mother will never kick him out.