Advertisement
Do you suffer from chronic pain?
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
Learn how straightening up can ease your pain
Chronic pain management tips
More DailyStrength
|
Being Hurt (Again) by Family Member
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have a family member who lives about 1,000 miles from my home. We have been close since we both became adults (I am 10 years older).
She and her (only) son are VERY, VERY, VERY close. Many people think they are married, a notion they really don't try to rectify. But that's another story ... He's 22 and is a nice young man. I do love him. OK, here is the problem. My family member was diagnosed with breast cancer about 4 months ago. When she told me, I told her that I would be there for her, make arrangements to fly to her location, be with her before and after surgery. I am a cancer survivor, so it was a labor of love. We talked 2-3 times each week since she told me about the cancer. However, two days ago, as I had credit card in hand to book my flight, I get a call from family member. Her son's girlfriend had asked if she could come along too when son comes for his mom's surgery. Family member gave me a call, told me that GF was coming and that she "couldn't accomodate me". Family member has 3 bedroom, 2 bath home, much larger than mine. Family member said I should come 10 days AFTER her surgery. No attempt at all to try to find a solution where I, son and GF could be there at the same time. New time frame just doesn't work for me because of commitments here where I live (church, school, social). Husband doesn't want me to go now. He thinks I should have been given some little priority and thought because I planned my trip first, even though I didn't book it. I don't want to feel like all my support will be wasted ... Am I off base for feeling this way. Should I go even later this summer, despite how I'm feeling? Thanks for any help. Posted on 06/05/12, 01:49 pm |
| 5 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I would talk to the patient. What she wants should be most important. She may not even know about these new plans and might wonder why you aren't coming to be with her. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
The patient is my family member. We had made these plans months ago.
Adding her son's girlfriend is what caused all the confusion. I had moved (literally) heaven and earth with making arrangements and rescheduling things that fell during the time period that WE AGREED ON. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I didn't spend the money on the airfare ... And I still don't understand how 4 people CANNOT find places to sleep in a 3 bedroom house.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Honestly, I think you should speak to her about how you feel about the situation. It could be a mis-understanding. I wouldn't want you to find out after her surgery that she really wanted you and because things were not settled, you and her missed out on a very important time in her life. Talk it out!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Well, that's the thing. I have talked to her about it -- basically, she doesn't really care that I have a scheduling conflict. She wants to have her son's girlfriend there and is willing to have me stay at home to achieve that goal.
I work for a living. I can't change my schedule at the drop of a hat. I had to do a lot of shifting things around to even get free for the original dates that she and I agreed on. She and I -- not she, I, son and new girlfriend. OBTW -- I'm a cancer survivor myself and really thought I would be helpful in helping her through the pre-surgery and surgery stuff. Guess I was wrong ...
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You are not off base at all. Although she is going through a very bad time and could be acting irrationally due to it, you have your own situation and life. Your life involves a family, a job, and other obligations that may not be able to be readjusted. I would simply and gently tell her that due to job, church and other obligations you are not able to change your plan. You may have it in mind to not go, but don't let it be your absolute decision yet. Don't elaborate or state anything final when you make your reply. Just the facts. Give her a little time, if there is any. She may rethink what she said and adjust. If she doesn't in time for you, then simply know you aren't going and she knows it. IF, and that's a definite 'if', you are able to go later on, then do so and try to understand her state of mind. You've been there, and would know. If you cannot accomodate her request for when you should go, then explain that, too, later on. If that happens, you've still been successfully supportive, and gave as much as you can.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
Advertisement
More From Around the Web
