Families of Prisoners Support Group

be patient my friend, if he hasnt been there long it will pass, he is confuse right now it seems as if they lash out at the ones closes to them. i will never forget when my son first went i alway left him crying i got to the point where i had to tell him enough, you are not in this alone and you cant keep treating me like this hed stop for a while and start again and you get to the point as if you were talking to him as you would if he were at home. ( i am praying that this will pass) stay strong

Just as I wrote on your journal entry sweetie,you can expect for him to go through all those emotions and them some.Im not saying that its right but its how it is.I know that its hard for you but its just one of the crosses we must bear to love these men.You just have to decide now if you are willing to go through this or not.Nixon did me the same way when he first went in and then after awhile he realized that I loved him and I wasnt going anywhere and he calmed down.You are both in my prayers sweetie.
XOXO CeeCee

This is one of the reasons why, as much as I want to hear my loved-one's voice, I prefer letters. Letters (usually) require organization, thought, and logic. While this does not mean letters cannot be full of raw emotion, writing down words makes you OWN them. How much time, thought, and planning do most people take to hurl an insult at someone? I detest these verbal hit & runs (as I call them).

Unfortunately, I have had to use this phrase with my loved one on more occasion however, I do what I need to do for ME and then I hang up. It goes something like this.

"_______I know you are feeling badly, I am too however, I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO ALLOW YOU TO TREAT ME THIS WAY. Therefore, I am going to end this conversation and we'll talk again soon. In the mean time, please write.

Hope this helps. Remember, you teach people how to treat you, so teach them to treat you with dignity and respect!

My son was never like that to me, but my fiance, OMG he was a moody jerk. You never knew what would set him off( still don't and he is out) You could be talking nicely and all of a sudden he would go balistic, or just hang up.

I think they sit in there and listen to the other guys saying how their " old ladies" are cheating, and they get it in their heads too. Plus look at what is going on in their lives and in their heads. They know they messed up, and left us with everything to deal with out here. Every minute of their lives is watched and dictated to. They can't fight with some guy that is a jerk or they get punished, they have to do whatever the guards say whenever, they are told when to eat, sleep and toilet. They lost control over every aspect of their lives. They are missing us, they are missing a normal existence.

My bf has been in 4 times since I knew him, and he gets worse each time. My son has been in for 2 years and seems to be very comfortable. It depends on the person.

They have way too much time to be bored and think and let others crazy thoughts get in their heads. They are miserable, they are lonesome, and they are mad at themselves for being so stupid to be there. So hon, it isn't your fault, he isn't mad at you, he just is reacting to all his emotions and can only take it out on you, because he knows you love him, and will put up with it. It isn't fair, but it is that way alot. Good Luck, I will think of you. Been there, done that.

Unfortunately my bf went in for a DUI and now out is drinking worse, and disappearing so he will get caught and go back in. I don't think I will be there for him if it happens again, too much has happened for us. He has changed to ten times worse than before. Try to be strong, don't let him just be awful to you. Hang up...he will call back. That pissed my guy off more than anything. He could do it. I couldn't. He would call just baffled that I hung up. Be strong, yet understanding if that is possible.

Hope this helps a little

Write to him, tell him everything He makes you feel, and how he makes you feel when He is UGLY to you. In a letter there is no interaction between both of you, I call it . . .You have his Undivided Attention! ( unless he tears up the letter) but he won't unleast until After he 's read it. That way he cannot interrupt you when you are trying to tell him what he causes you to feel, when he is mistreating, verbally abusing, or accusing you of things that are not happening. Tell him YOU did not put him there, HE put himself in prison, or jail, and that HE put YOU there TOO! UNFAIR. . .tell him all your feelings, and of course that you LOVE him, and support him emotionally, THEN don't answer his calls for a couple of weeks. Watch what happens then. He will call other people to call you and tell you to accept his calls, when YOU are ready, accept his calls, when you do, Reiterate what you told him in the letters, if he Loves you he will recognize he has been MISTREATING YOU ! and will be Proactive in making changes, like taking anger management classes there in jail. My bf now husband did just that, and he has changed so much, and KNOWS how much I love him. . .I hope this may be of some help to you. God Bless you and Give You Strength. . .jaynera (emmyare)

Well I do agree that they all have an adjustment period and it is extremely hard for them.....but more than that is this.....

They have others whom are jealous, telling him that you will leave him period....maybe now or a week or a month or a year but you will leave him there to rot....and that you will cheat on him and have someone else in your guys bed touching you and graphically telling him what you will willingly do for the other guy and that you and him will be just a cold memory....just a matter of time.

They tell ones this kind of rotten things because so many of them have no visitors and no letters and nobody waiting for them!

Which normally ones would see it for what it is....just trash talk but because of the situation....their minds amplify whatever they know about you two and will add it up to think you will do those things.

They are terrified about everything though they will try to sound as if none of it matters and that they are strong....think about it.....they are absolutely terrified for a million reasons!

It will take time to see you are going to be there and hearing you say it a billion times before they accept that you will not leave him because a life without him can not even come close to being happy. Time changes that! And letters and your reassurances by actions and by words!

Think about how terrified you would be multiply that by 1000 and you will see where they are coming from! Complete and utter terror their life is over and nothing you can do will stop them from thinking that until they see you are there and are staying.

Constant reassurance until they get their sanity back and realize that yes you are staying! That your love is not going to wither and die away!

That though the others telling him this garbage may have nobody, you are going to be there for the long haul! Until he is set free and comes home!

As they regain their sanity they realize how stupid it was for them to believe even for a minute that you might not be there 100%....but before that....before they calm themselves they are not thinking rationally and are tossed around be all the possibilities!
DO NOT LET THEIR TRASH TALK HURT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM!

Love Rhea
All things pass.......... let the bad comments just do that....pass by your heart and do not let them hurt you!

And then one day soon he will be more rational! And you both will be stronger for it!

Love and prayers!
Love Rhea

WoW, you ladies have really lifted my spirits,i was so sad and frustrated by my husband's comments and couldn't understand why he was so insecure about us since we had a great relationship before he went to prison.It is so nice to be able to see the other side of things. Thank you so much for your wisdom.