Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Not to sound mean, but if you're leaving him and truly want closure than why does it matter if he's an alcoholic or not? My ex was an alcoholic and everything you describe seems excessive. Drinking while driving everyday at lunch? Please, do you yourself a favor and run in the other direction as fast as possible and don't look back.

I can tell you firsthand - he is an alcoholic - no ifs and or buts about it. "Normal" people do not take "go cups" with alcohol when they go for a drive. Yes - you are the written definition of co-dependent - the only way to stay out of it, is to get out of it. Get yourself into alanon. Check out co-dependency meetings too - google it to see if they have any in your area. Get a copy of Co-dependent No More - it's an oldie, but goodie - read it. There are no conclusions to jump to, he is addicted to alcohol, and quite possibly to other drugs - it's very rare in this day and age to be only addicted to alcohol - possible, but unlikely. I am telling you this because I am a recovering alcoholic/addict for the past 22 years, and been there and done that. You might want to google alcoholic to get more insight and info - an alcoholic does not always fit the profile that was what society originally classified an alcoholic to be - meaning - they don't have to drink everyday - they can be binge drinkers, only doing it once or a couple of times a week. Everyday drinking, binge drinking, drinking to get drunk, drinking alone, hiding their alcohol consumption, going to different stores whether it be liquor stores or stores that sell liquor each time they buy a new bottle, for fear that the employees of the stores will begin to recognize them, drinking because they are happy, mad, sad, pissed, bad day at work, day started out wrong, sun didn't/did come up - i could give you a million more reasons and excuses - those are signs that a person is an alcoholic. Alcoholic's can drink for many, many, many years before they damage their liver - because the liver is the only organ in a person's body that is able to rebuild itself. Quit with the what if's and worrying about him, there is nothing in the world you can do to make him see the light, nor can you control people places or things, the only thing you can control is yourself and what you want to do about and with your life. Take care of you.

Thank you. I know he is an alcoholic. I just needed to hear it from someone else that has been there. I also know I am a codependent and I am in counseling for it. As my counselor says, I am doing better than I think. I have read several of Melody Beattie's books and they have truly enlightened me. "Women who love too much" is another excellent one. We are broken up, but he keep squirming his way back in. We were together a year, it was 6 months before I knew how much he drank.. and that his excuse was everything under the sun (sad, happy, stressful). I know I can not help him. It just makes me sad to see him not be able to figure out why his life does not improve. I KNOW why it is not getting any better. However.... it is no longer my problem and he needs to figure it out and go on to the next girl. Thank you again.

Come on..... you are kidding. He's an alcoholic.. the good new is the relationship is over and hopefully you are working on what it is that attracts you to these kinds of people.
Get on with your life.

I am definitely working on what attracts me to these men and them to me. I know he is an alcoholic, but sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees. More like.. not wanting too. I just never thought I would get sucked into this drama. Thank you all and on I move with my life.