Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

I understand even tho she to be your ex its hurts. I wonder what the other woman (in your case man) had that I didn't especially when I stood by him for 11 yrs. On a high note your ex will probley go back to using majority do and its a no no having a relationship with fellow recovering addict.
It will get easier as time goes on.
My AH left went back to using I haven' t started the divorce yet but its coming. Plus the woman he got involved with earlier this year calls me and says she has wrong number, we live about 2000 miles away and on her My space all the details were written for me to see. I was in the dark that hurts.

I'm sorry she still affects you that way. My therapist once asked me - "what does that say about you? It knocked some sense into me.
Two people behaving badly only makes it worse.

Don't let it get to you.I know easier said then done but don't let her bring you to her level..your better then that...do it for kids!!!

sounds to me that she is still trying to get a reaction out of you. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. It is a manipulation tactic.

I hear your anger, I feel it too. In my case, mine is in the ground, different issues, maybe, but my BF's x is also like yours. The anger is inside us, because of all the pain we have endured and continue to endure - hell yah it pisses me off too, and there are days where I think of what I really want to do.... I find that doing something physical gets it out - go for a run, go punch a pillow, chop some wood, etc etc - the adrenaline rush will help to get it out of your system.

Wow I hear ya loud and clear,and those choice words I have used often when referring to my Ex-..Its painful to go thru and made worse when their are kids involved.Hold on it does get better, altho I still have alot of resentment that I cant get rid of. But I move on focus on my son and try to get thru the best we can. Its been 2 1/2yrs since I tossed him out on his ass, and he still has the cujones to call and ask for help with shit! But the word NO took a long tyme to master and I am now very good at saying it.Oops I just went on & on..Hang in there it does get better and u will laugh & smile again!

I guess I missed this one. See I was out having the time of my life on Halloween and paying no attention to the ex.

This post screams PASSION, you have to be passionate about something to get this angry. I think I've said it before, the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. She is still in control of your life if you continue to react this way. You will not change her actions or make her treat you better. The only thing you can change is how you react (or don't react) to her actions. I'm sorry "she" ruined your night, but she only did it with your permission. I wish you peace and strength in the coming months. It does get better, I promise.

bob, [[hugs]] i am sos orry. i totally get what you are saying. hang in thwere, she will be gone soon. you will be so much happier bob.you are in my prayers........

I know you are hurting which is totally understandable - the sad truth is addicts love the reaction, hoopla, drama, but the more you react, get into the fighting and yelling match, the more fuel she will add to the already blazing fire - the addicts way of manipulation and control. As long as you continue to react, fight and yell, the longer and more the addict will do it. If you say and do nothing - ignoring all the hoopla, the sooner it will stop. When an addict has no one to fight with, no reaction, hoopla, drama and all the bs that goes along with it, it no longer is fun for them as they have no one that will be manipulated by their crap, then the circus will leave town. None of us can control people, places or things, the only thing we can control is our actions and reactions. The only part that bothers me is that you are categorizing all addicts as disrespecting pieces of trash, which hits a nerve with me, as I am a recovering alcoholic/addict for 22 years now - addicts are not bad people, we are people who made bad choices, and for the recovering addicts like myself, I worked long and hard to make amends for all my wrongs, and yes I felt like shit for what I put my loved ones through, making many, many amends, maybe in your eyes you think we would be better off dead is a pretty harsh and mean statement - right now I am taking it very personal - with my opinion that you need to vent your anger to those people, and not the addicts that have been clean and sober for quite a number of years and have paid our dues.

I too understand your anger, i went to hell & back with my ex cocaine addict but i have to say i agree with bcolliesmom about trashing the recovering addicts as i was addicted to amphetamins just over a year ago, i have suffered the consequenses, paid my dues.
Many replies you receive here are from recovering addicts who have worked very hard over many years. We have a choice to walk away from the chaos but most of us here have decided to stay thinking we can fix them & just created more chaos for ourselves so we must take some of the blame for staying with them.

wow you are a pretty cold fucked up person