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I've seen a few posts on this board that tell me there are folks out there who need some extra support from our group.
I believe that with each of us sharing our own experiences we are virtually offering our hugs, prayers, support to each other. As I read a couple of posts earlier today, I found myself wanting to jump through the screen and tell you "don't let them do that to you!". However, I think the really powerful thing that this group brings is for us to share our own experiences with "our addicts". A few members here have stories so close to mine that have made me feel less isolated and not so "abnormal". It's also empowered me to "move on", handle things differently, gave me an ok to grieve, etc. My own experience has an ending that nobody with an addict wants to believe can happen. I lost my brother last New Years Eve. He was a long time addict and was found by the city police under a play structure in the children's playground of a city park. He was near death and then died on the way to the hospital. They ruled his death a suicide because of the number of drugs found in his body. Nothing will ever prepare you for reading the autopsy of your loved one that so severely abused their body with drugs. His liver, lungs and heart were greatly damaged due to his long term drug abuse. As I said, my experience ends in the worse way possible. I hope that by me sharing it can help others here on this board come to terms with the reality of what can happen. Our family was initially shocked and devastated and it eventually morphed into relief that we no longer have the stress of him and his addiction to deal with. It's a journey I wish on no one. Posted on 08/22/12, 11:48 am |
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I am so sorry for your loss. And I agree, when we share, we are offering support and trying to share each other's burdens... Thank you for sharing your story. 
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I am so very sorry for your loss. What a tragic story you have lived. I can't speak for anyone other than myself but I do agree with you that the ending of your brothers story could happen to any of us on here and that is my biggest fear I hope and pray that is not the case for any of us but I know the likelihood is possible. hugs to you Dee
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Thanks Kim and Dee...my story is no worse than others on this board, just the ending.
I find myself in each post on here as we all deal (or don't deal) with our addicts. Someone told me a few years ago something that didn't impact me until a couple of months ago. They said, "I pray you have discernment when it comes to dealing with your brother". I kind of shook my head after that and didn't give it much thought. However, now I get it. I was in such a fog with him and his addiction, I didn't see through it. I hope for discernment for each and everyone of us dealing with our addicted family member. See through the addiction and the addict...pray for discernment.
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i am so sorry for your loss. on my worst days i keep telling myself that while he is alive there is hope.
i pray your brother is in heaven and at peace.. And he is suffering no more. Thanks for being there for the rest of us who are still living with the addicted persons one day at a time
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I am so sorry, for your loss and the loss to your family. Sharing has become a kind of release for me, whether it's in my journal or with our board. The greatest part is learning and each post brings a new understanding of this terrible disease that has infiltrated our lives. There is a sentence that permiates my mind and I try to always remember the words written by an addict, " I am not a bad boy trying to get good, I am a sick boy trying to get well. These words helped me to stop hating, stop be angry and start to absorb all the knowledge I could about addicition. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Dee, I too, have that sentence in my mind a good portion of the time.. Helps me gain perspective. Mybrother, keep posting, we all need friends walking with us.. Grace & Peace, K
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I am so sorry for your loss. I cant truly imagine what you are going thru.
I have been so worried that my addict will end up the same way. Since we as outsiders worry and know this can happen. How come the realization isnt any easier?
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Sorry to hear about your loss. That must be extremely difficult. I do understand your feelings of relief - so to speak - of not having to worry or stress about his addiction anymore. I think we always wonder when or if that will ever happen. We can't be with our addicts all the time to "save" them.
My husband is an alcoholic. I still have a fear every time I leave the house that he will drink himself to death or hurt himself or someone else while in a drunken stupor. But I can no longer be his babysitter. I have to go on with my life and not feel responsible for his actions. He is making a choice to drink, not me. He is buying the beer/whiskey and pouring it down his throat, not me. Right now we are in marriage counseling. Not sure how much it is helping because he is still an active drinker and the counselor won't address his problem directly because he doesn't want to lose his trust. I struggle daily with leaving him or sticking it out. I think there comes a time when our bodies and minds tell us enough is enough!
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As the mother of a heroin addict, the fear of losing him to an overdose will always be present, as will the fear that he will continue to use and not die. The only solution to his father's and my daily torture would be his complete and permanent abstinence from drugs, and yet this is the one most unrealistic solution for the time being. So, we have to arm ourselves to face the worst. I am so sorry your family has faced it already.
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Beantown - I think I didn't even come close to realizing that would be our end result.
My sister did...she said many, many times "I wouldn't be surprised if we get a call from the police saying they found him." I attributed that to her disgust with having to deal with his addict B.S. all the time. Sadly, it came true.
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