Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Yes, completely. I think everyone falls in love with kind of a "full potential realized" version of the person they marry. So when things don't work out, the person today may have a bunch of bad traits but we can still see how it could have been.

Yes, it makes sense! No matter how bad things got, I always had a hope that it would get better someday, somehow. Now that we are working towards the divorce and the decision has been made, it brings another level of sadness. There is no more hope that it will work out. I'll never be married to the father of my children and that is the saddest part of this divorce. I don't regret my decision either. I did all I could and more.

You have done all you can do serenity. You're allowed to be sad over this. Because you've tried SO hard and given all you had to this man, and it's simply not going to work because of his addiction. So yes, you're allowed to be sad and grieve over this.

And wmagirl, same to you. It IS sad that this has come to an end. But as an outsider, it's even more sad to see someone give 150% into a relationship and to her family that's never going to work because addiction is involved. The hurt we cause ourselves and the pain and of course what pain they bring into our lives...it's not worth it if the addict isn't taking steps to live a clean life.

My favorite quote to live by since high school "Forget regret or life is yours to miss".

Thanks TryingHardXs3. I appreciate your comments and support.

It makes perfect sense to me, I grieved for about 3 years. Its a normal reaction to losing someone you once shared dreams and hopes with, but knowing you are better off without them. Take time to grieve.

I grieved my divorce from my first husband for 11 years...and don't remind me of it because it still hurts immensely (he was not an addict, the only reason we divorced was because it was what he wanted)...that is why I will not allow addiction to destroy my current relationship...it's bad, and it hurts...but the truth is it has never been worse than what I experience during my first divorce. My addict husband has never been married (probably because of his addiction) but there really isn't anything he could do that would cause me to inflict the pain of divorce on him OR MYSELF again!

just my honest opinion...but i don't see divorce as a solution to addiction...after all, if the addict was a child or a parent you can't really divorce them can you?

I disagree with Depressed. I've divorced a son and have never looked back. It can be done and must in certain situations.

I understand exactly where you are coming from serenity. I too grieve the life I thought I would have with my addict. I still have hope that by some miracle everything will turn out ok, he'll stop using drugs, quit the lifestyle and we will grow old together, happily.

Reality bites as this just isn't going to happen for me. The only man I have loved body and soul is an addict who will never change. Life with him is full of lies, drugs, cheating and pain. Without him it is just pain, different pain but still pain.

I grieve the loss of my ideals about where our life would go so it makes perfect sense to me.

Wow Nandou,
You sound just like me! I thought this was probably abnormal sadness, and some sort of insanity! It's good to know that it's not. But what about the restless nights and the nightmares? When will sleep become pleasurable again?

I am sad over my spouse being addict and leaving us for drugs. Neither of us have filed for divorce that will be another sad blow to me if he does that. He is with his x for now but I know that is only for the drugs. I have been having dreams these last few days thinking of him just showing up or calling and I start getting anixety attacks, I am not ready for him to come back into my life I just getting where I function day to day without him. I hope all of this is a bad dream, I still love him, but he is still sick and I want no part of that. I did all I could for about 5 years it is his turn.