Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

I can never really tell whats going on inside my mothers head. I grew up with her being abusive, now she sees me less and Im the only family she really has so she acts nice now its been that way for a few years. Im the only family within 5 hours around.

I know her life has been torn apart. The divorce with my father is almost finalized. He went about it in an unnecessarilly painful way. I avoid speaking to him myself unless absolutely necessary because as my doctor puts it every instance with him is a 'traumatic experience.'

She barely works a day a week. At home all the time. Talks to no one. Pushes people away. You know the drill.

One would think Ive been suicidal so many times I would know how to deal with this but all that does is allow me to see all the signs no one else does and realize how powerless I truly am. Of course these are things I worry about all the time but this past weekend in one of my late night run ins with her she tells me the only reason she hasnt killed herself is I need her.

Which I do, the only way Im getting any support for school, food, and health care (not optional) is by making it part of the divorce agreement because my father has turned into someone who cant be trusted to keep his word ever.

Theres no point in calling the cops or an ambulance. She is as cunning as the emergency services in my hometown are useless. Weve been through it before, she just puts on a face and signs a waiver.

Im not really asking for anything here. While Ive known a few people whove lost their mothers to other things like cancer, Im the only person Ive ever known with a suicidal parent.

Im just worried because the more I think about it the more I can see her actually doing it this time.

I cant talk about this with anyone in person save for my therapist.
Posted on 06/29/12, 11:16 pm