What is Families and Friends Of Addicts
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professi...
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In love with a heroin addict...
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I am so last and feeling so helpless. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and this summer he recently relapsed into heroin after an illness that had him taking percocets. He didn't tell me it had progressed to heroin and I found out on my own. I tried sooo hard to be supportive and not enabling to let him know I wouldn't leave just cause times got tough. He started lying about money and where he was and I realized that alot of things he had told me over those few weeks were lies too. Recently, he got a great job and made it sound like he was very dedicated to qutting this horrible stuff. He did the suboxone thing and I thought it was going well. I was seeing no withdrawal symptoms and he was happy and looking healthy. But then last week, he started going places he normally went with me alone and staying gone for hours. He stated he was working late EVERY NIGHT and told me he was lending a friend of his some money cause things were bad. I found out that all of that was a lie as well. He started using and got so mad when I asked where missing money was and if he needed additional help. This weekend, I let my gut feeling get away from me and I started snooping around to find out if his stories matched up. They didn't. I admitted what I did and he got so mad and it just gave him an excuse to push me further away. He won't even be intimate with me because he is so wrapped up in the lie and knows I am disappointed in what the drugs do to his libido. He still won't admit that keeping this from me and lying about where he is and what does are in fact LIES. He doesn't understand why I am hurt and why I feel like I can't help him. I know he is ashamed and doesn't want be to be disappointed, but I can't help it....he is pushing me away. I love him with all my heart and I am scared that I won't stop. He is headstrong and confident in every aspect of his life so he doesn't want to hear all the things he already knows about what he will lose by continuing this. I am so scared to lose him by not doing anything, but I am scared to lose him if I do. I don't know what to do to help him but it makes my heart hurt to see him suffering through withdrawal and being mean and secretive. If anyone has been through this or has ANY advice....please let me know. I am starting Nar-ANON meetings this weekend because I just need some guidance. It is soooo hard not to take this personally. We have slready started making plans to get married and I don't want his to be my life. I need all the help I can get! Thanks.
Posted on 11/06/07, 10:11 am |
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Please don't marry him. My (ex) partner of 20 years was released from jail in May 08 after 8 years in jail for robbery to support his heroin habit. He was clean for at least the last 5 years in jail.
The whole 8 years he was in jail was one long, ongoing apology for what his actions had done to our daughter and to me. He honesty believed, I think, that he had finally overcome or grown out of any interest in using heroin. He was really fit and healthy before his release - seemed to be a changed person. The day after he got out he started using again and, to cut a long story short, he's back in jail for parole violation. 'I don't understand what happened,' he says. Well, I do... He will obviously never be safe from heroin. He's almost 50 and after everything that's happened to him, he still 'chose' heroin as the best means of support for his anxiety on release from jail. Basically, he has no other coping mechanism besides heroin. You're just at the beginning of a journey that could really mess up your life. You sound really smart and kind. Don't let your kindness lead you down this path. You should walk away now. It's the only way you can be certain that you won't spend your life dealing with this crap. All the best to you. 
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Loving a heroin addict is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go though. Loving my husband while he was actively using was more pain full then the death of my twin brother. It rips you apart it makes you question yourself. It is the worst pain because all along you are thinking "what did I do, or didn't do"
In the end you will find that there is nothing you can do. This is his battle. Admitting there is a problem is only the first step. Getting clean is just the beginning. And that intial withdrawal is painful to watch but it is necessary. I honestly believe that for an addict to quit they need to go through that pain of detox. THat pain will be a reminder of what they will have to go through if they use again. I have heard quite a few recovered addicts tell me that the detox was and is the worse pain that they have ever felt in their life. When my husband went in to a rehad for detox, I was a mess. I was crying and hysterical. The counselor there said to me in these words exactly. "Stop your f-ing crying. He is a drug addict. He is going through detox he is not DYING. He feels like he is but I assure you he is NOT!" Don't feel bad for his suffering through detox..... he has to go through it. You need to focus on you. Heroin is a long bumpy road and it doesn't get easier until you are educated about dealing with the desease. No one can help him until he helps him self. You need to worry about you. Go to your naranon meetings and really take in everything.... eventually you will decide what path is really the best for you.
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