What is Families and Friends Of Addicts
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professi...
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Hi everyone. It's been about 6 months since I've been on here and I had only posted once before, so I guess I'm still considered new. My husband recently went to a meeting and later that night he confessed that he's been popping pills for over a year. I caught him smoking weed about 6 months ago (reason for me posting at that time) and I thought everything was ok. As far as I knew he'd been clean since I met him, other than him smoking weed twice with his buddies 6 months ago, which this redhead was hot about! Now I find out that he's been a pill popper for over a year. I'm so angry, hurt, frustrated,betrayed and the list goes on. I don't trust him for obvious reasons, and what sort of example is he setting for our daughter? When I met him he was going to meetings, he eventually stopped going for his own reasons and being young and dumb I didn't question it. Now that he's done all this how do I know when enough is enough? Where is that line? How can I forgive him and be able to give him the support he needs, when I don't even want to be in the same room? I know forgiving him is more to help me, I just can't do that yet. I've looked up to see of there's any close NARANON and there isn't...ALANON is also over about hour away..so this is my closest outlet. I now know that I need help and to be able to talk to someone about his addiction..it's not just about him it affects his family too. I don't know what to do and where to go from here. I totally feel like I married the villiage idiot for him to do this after he's been clean for so long. Any advice I would really appreciate, thanks.
Posted on 11/06/09, 10:11 pm |
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I totally understand what your going through!!! My guy cant seem to keep clean either, his drug of choice is meth but pills always seem to lead to that! He used to be honest with me when he would use at least but now we have added lying to the mix! he will start out getting pills and then bam hes high on meth, its such a roller coaster he recently began using again after being clean 5 months of which he tried hard to lie about! Your right, its not just hurting them its those of us that love them that hurt the most I believe! As far as not even wanting to be in the same room thats a tough decision for you. Its very, very hard to continue to be supportive when they keep choosing to use, Everyone will say he has to want to be clean, this is true but what do we do in the mean time??!!! Stay strong hun and be firm, tell him enough is enough is enough. My guy is in jail right now on a fluke traffic ticket but In a way I am happy because at least hes clean! Is rehab an option for your guy? I know, once the trust is broken its hard to believe anything they say. I feel for you hun! Be strong today!!! 
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Set healthy boundaries. Do you want to live with a active addict? Sure he has a problem and only he can fix it. So it all comes down to choices as to how you want to live your life. We can't fix them, they have to decide on their own to quit and stay clean.
I fought hard for 11 yrs, my AH went to several rehabs, missions, sober living homes......... He came and went like our door was a revolving door. He stayed clean for almost a year twice only to use again. Finally I decided he had to leave and I had to be strong and not let him back. His behavior was driving me insane. I decided it was better to live with peace and quiet then live in constant chaos. I miss him but I do not miss the drama. So it all comes down to setting your boundaries, not waivering, and knowing you cannot control the addict. They will lie, steal cheat to use drugs if that what they are wanting to do. You will be left alone until they decide they need you for the short moment between using episodes.
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Do a God letter. It is something that I have passed on to many people, and although you may think as you read it, it will not work, it is very powerful and works.
Take out 2 pieces of paper. On the first one write "Dear God" and start writing, it can be a lot or a little, just put down your fears or what you wrote here. Then put it down and sit back without any interuptions, phone off the hook no one around, and do nothing but relax. In about 15 minutes pick up the second paper. Title it..Dear (your name). Then start writing. You will think you are the one writing, but I promise you when you read it, it will not be something you would have said. It will have your answer. Please pass this on once you do it to others that are suffering. It can say Dear God, Higher Power whatever you believe in, but the answer will blow you away. And please also let others here know how it works, not what you wrote unless you want. I had a site that people would do a God letter and the posts were amazing. It is something that at 3am in the morning when there is no one around and you feel you cannot do one more minute will be your comfort.
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