What is Families and Friends Affected By Suicide
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected by suicide to gather ...
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transference, alter ego?Help.Driving
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Recently, past couple of years, I have had agoraphobia and fear of driving over bridges and past exits on the highway. I won't drive on the highway and don't need to.my mom and I both think that I am overrelating to my friend who killed himself.Even my behavior therapist(IN VIVO) thinks we need to work my friends suicide into my recovery. Basically, my friend had just been admitted to a psychiatric hospital. But, he wanted to go to his car to "get some music".He got one on one priveleges and went with staff to his car, he then punched out the psych tech, and drove his car to the I-95 bridge and jumped.I am terrified to be in my car alone, terrified. In March of 07 I was driving home, and I had been up awake a lot, eating lots of caffeine and popping 2 mg of respiridone(ironically I had it to get over my fears of travelling ie train, plane) and all of a sudden I heard a voice say "OMG she is going to commit suicide"! It scared the crap out of me that I was now"hearing voices" I felt like I was being pulled out of my car. I was terrified. I pulled a U turn and decided to go a neighborhood and just run before it got worse.I ran down the street. A lady was walking her dog. I asked if I could use her cell to call an ambulance. I just told her it was a panic attack as I knew I would be discriminated if I told her I was psychotic. The ambulance came and she said
"I don't understand it a minute ago she was shaking like a leaf"They took me to the ER and let me go four hours later saying it was a panic attack. A week later I admitted myself to the mental hospital where they proceeded to put me on all kinds of drugs that also made me paranoid. Another story... the point is... if anyone has over identified with someone who has committed suicide or it has caused them to have fear over something. Please let me know. It has been years since my friend died. I have joined NAMI (national alliance for the mentally ill) but I am so scared bec. this has just popped up recently. I thought I had recovered from my friends suicide.And I use to love driving..let me hear from any of you that can constructively or thoughtfully change my fearful life. thank-you for reading this far. Jewel Posted on 10/24/09, 01:10 am |
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Hello Jewel. I'm so sorry you ended up here, that you lost someone close to you. We all have, I guess, and that bond isn't one we like sharing, is it? But welcome.
I'm not a psychiatrist/psychologist, but maybe your triggers and fears have been set in motion over the loss of your friend because you are so fragile right now. But I would also keep a close eye on the meds you're on too; there are warnings on just about everything now that help us cope that if we feel suicidal or have thoughts of it, to contact your doctor. My brother died by gun. I haven't shot one since his death and I quit hunting. But there are other things in my life that have been issues that his death made worse. Also, I don't like driving over bridges or suspended roads of any type--but that's a phobia I've had for a long time. Work on dealing w/your friend's death--obviously we never get over it. You are not doomed to the same fate, yours is a road known only to you--no matter how high or long. You're in my prayers. 
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Jewel...I hate that you, too have lost a loved one . After my son died I could not drive. I did not drive for almost 5 mos. I don't know the reason for this. It has never ever happened before in my life about driving although years ago I had panic attacks about driving over bridges. I can't tell you the whys of it or how to stop it because I have only started back driving in August. I know it is all related to the horror of this kind of tragedy. Maybe it is a fear of losing control...control that is never really ours in the first place. Just a guess. I have another friend on DS that has the same fear as you. I will tell her to answer to your post...perhaps she can be of help. You can only get through this with God. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Love and peace to you....Dale, Brandon's Mom
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TY for your responses. I will work on this with my IN VIVO therapist. Yes, I think it is a feeling of losing control. Which is weird bec. if there is a fire alarm, or I am in public and see someone sick etc. I am like the first one to respond!
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