Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group

Recently, past couple of years, I have had agoraphobia and fear of driving over bridges and past exits on the highway. I won't drive on the highway and don't need to.my mom and I both think that I am overrelating to my friend who killed himself.Even my behavior therapist(IN VIVO) thinks we need to work my friends suicide into my recovery. Basically, my friend had just been admitted to a psychiatric hospital. But, he wanted to go to his car to "get some music".He got one on one priveleges and went with staff to his car, he then punched out the psych tech, and drove his car to the I-95 bridge and jumped.I am terrified to be in my car alone, terrified. In March of 07 I was driving home, and I had been up awake a lot, eating lots of caffeine and popping 2 mg of respiridone(ironically I had it to get over my fears of travelling ie train, plane) and all of a sudden I heard a voice say "OMG she is going to commit suicide"! It scared the crap out of me that I was now"hearing voices" I felt like I was being pulled out of my car. I was terrified. I pulled a U turn and decided to go a neighborhood and just run before it got worse.I ran down the street. A lady was walking her dog. I asked if I could use her cell to call an ambulance. I just told her it was a panic attack as I knew I would be discriminated if I told her I was psychotic. The ambulance came and she said
"I don't understand it a minute ago she was shaking like a leaf"They took me to the ER and let me go four hours later saying it was a panic attack. A week later I admitted myself to the mental hospital where they proceeded to put me on all kinds of drugs that also made me paranoid. Another story... the point is... if anyone has over identified with someone who has committed suicide or it has caused them to have fear over something. Please let me know. It has been years since my friend died. I have joined NAMI (national alliance for the mentally ill) but I am so scared bec. this has just popped up recently. I thought I had recovered from my friends suicide.And I use to love driving..let me hear from any of you that can constructively or thoughtfully change my fearful life. thank-you for reading this far. Jewel
Posted on 10/24/09, 01:10 am