Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group

Ell please don't feel that way you could have done a number of things but if your daughter was determined to do what she did she would have found away no matter what. I am so very sorry that you are feeling this way and even as I say this I know just how hard we can be on ourselves and so many times saying something is so much easier than doing it but self blame and guilt dose not solve anything and is such a destructive emotion. I feel as if I am saying do as I say and not what I do as I have been feeling a lot of guilt myself. I think that it comes with this most unwanted journey that we have been forced to take. Please try and find something to do that will get you out of the house and keep your mind busy on other things for now. I hope that you will find some peace and be able to get a bit of rest, please be gentle on your self as it is NOT your fault it for what ever reason was the path that she was chosen to take if for no other reason then to teach someone else a life lesson and I know that dose not make it any easier. Love and hugs...Kathy

my heart goes out to you. It is NOT your sin. You didn't do it. You didn't make her do it. My 16 year old brother tried to take his life last November and my mom and i walked in on it.....it has been the hardest thing to cope with in my life. Trying to make sense of what happened...whether or not the attempt was successful or not, is hard for EVERYONE.

I'm 20, not a mother, but I watch the struggles my mother goes through.....dealing with my brother day to day, unpredictable, unstable...it's all very difficult and confusing. i pray you find some comfort. PLEASE do not hesitate to message me if you need someone to talk to. keep your chin up. i know it's hard, but do your best not to blame yourself. love and hugs. xoxoxo

Sad, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I know there's no worse loss than a child of ours. My half-brother took his life quite a few years ago and those thoughts that either I did something wrong or didn't do something I should have done were with me every day for years, and still pop up once in a while. I'm not going to tell you to accept the loss, but am telling you to accept those thoughts, if that makes any sense.

Ell, My daughter just committed suicide by hanging herself. She was 37 with 3 children. She was in such despair. She had lost her second husband to suicide one month after they were married. And also had
a problem with alcoholism. Also an ex husband that verbally abused her for the past 8 years. This had been her 3rd attempt, She had been in AA and seemed to be doing very well. We don't know what is in their minds when they do this. And don't know the pain that they have inside. I have found that I have no control over anything, even though I was her mom she had her own will. No matter what I did or didn't do. She seemed to have it in her mind that this was what she was going to do. If not then, later down the road. My faith in Jesus Christ has been the only thing that has gotten me through this. It is not my fault, it was her will not mine or Gods. I am Letting Go and Letting God one second at a time.
Take Care and don't beat yourself up. We can't change what has happened to our children. Just keep looking up to our Higher Power
God Bless

*hugs* please please don't blame yourself. We have all at some point gone through the stages of 'what if i had said this?' 'what if i had done that?'.....when someone decides to take their own life in such tragic circumstances they have already chosen that path, and are only thinking of their pain and how they can stop it. I know that I still think everyday that I should have read more in to my ex partner's texts the night he died but he made me believe that he was ok.......we can never understand just what or how our loved ones were feeling when they made their decisions but they alone were the ones who came to the heartbreaking conclusion that this was the only way to end their pain. Just know that we are all here for you xxx

Ellzeena, you don't know how often I think of you and how much I appreciate your words of support on this forum. I'm asking you please, don't blame yourself for this. It is not your sin. There's no sin here. I've read of all the precautions you took with her. You did everything under the sun to protect her. God Bless You, you did. You KNOW you did.
Sometimes you can't save them from themselves. You do everything and they still take that step. Please, oh please friend Ellzeena, take comfort in knowing that you did everything humanly possible. We aren't mindreaders. If we were, we wouldn't be here. I consider you to be one of the strongest women I know, even though I've never met you. You help so many here and I'm sure other places. Take heart that you may have stopped someone from taking that last step and have saved his/her family from being in this place with us.

Ellzeena I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain too..
i know we weren't to blame for our children's deaths but it's so hard to not feel that guilt and remorse..I knew my son was going to do this and I couldn't stop him either..
I was so depressed and stressed my brain wasn't working properly.....that's all I can think of was the reason I didn't realize how soon the end would come....
I think in the end some aren't able to be 'cured' of this illness and are going to leave no matter what we do....doesn't make it any easier to bear though *hugs*

Ellzeena it was my fear that stopped me from thinking clearly in the end. Yes depression and stress played a huge part for me too, but after a couple of years of living with his illness and begging my partner to get help I believe during the last several days and even weeks, I was frozen - frozen in fear. I was not thinking clearly and thought that I should leave or I was going to be hurt. Then of course after the end I feel the guilt of not being able to have done something or anything. I know they say you are supposed to call 911 but he told me if I did that would kill him and I was just frozen in fear. It has been more than 4 years now since my partner took his own life and I had forgotten about that but I remember it now. I feel the fear of it now as I think about it – it’s very strong.

Thank you all so very much, and August, you're right. The fear was paralyzing. It still is. Years of it. I actually dreamed last night that I told my daughter "If you take your life I will go off the bridge. Is that what you want?" These are words I never said, of course. She was sick enough, she didn't need to feel responsibility for my life or death. In fact, I often told her it was the other way around, that she needn't worry about me, that I was the parent. I wonder if I had said those words, would it have stopped her? I think not. Nothing would have stopped her. God bless you all.

After blaming myself for a very long time I came to the conclusion that I was blinded by love, but also by trust. I think that if you are a person who would never commit suicide, then you have a hard time seeing that possibility in others. It is just incomprehensible and hard for us to imagine under any circumstances. I trusted my partner, and I would have never thought he would hurt me this way, never. So when things happened with him, my mind just could not see it coming.

It seems crystal clear now that he was going to take his own life, but at the time, I could not imagine him doing so. We all think we have a lot of influence over our loved ones, but now I think we really have very little impact on those we love. I think Vincent started slipping away from me a couple of weeks before he died, but after he lost his connection with the world, I doubt there was anything that could have stopped him. He was an adult, and I could not watch him 24/7, and I doubt he would have signed himself into a hospital voluntarily.