Families & Friends Affected By Suicide Support Group

Thank you for posting that. I also think they would want a do-over. I also think that if they'd have just waited. Just waited one more day. Alas, they did not.

The man you spoke of wanted to be helped. Instead, he found the outrageous and inexcusable lack of compassion and empathy that appears rampant in our society. Had I been there, I would have done anything to stop him and to help him.

A person who puts a gun to his or her head does not want help. That person often goes to elaborate means in order to hide his/her intention on that day and this can include appearing "normal', even happy. Once the decision is made to stop the horror, relief takes the place of the horror. The nature of mental illness is such that this person cannot SEE and UNDERSTAND that if s/he can feel happy and relief NOW, s/he can feel it in the future, with help. Not being mentally ill, we can't get inside the horror of it, much like we can't truly know what it's like to be a bear, a butterfly, an eagle: we can only imagine. Very little is understood about serious mental illness; even the drugs being given are an unknown quantity: sometimes the "work" and no one really knows why. Other times, they don't. And no one really knows why.

If the soul regrets its decision, God is immediately available to that soul. There is great comfort and love and those who take their lives are not morally responsible for doing so. I think we can take our comfort in knowing they are safe, they are joyful, they are cared for and loved beyond our wildest imaginings, and they will be there when our time comes. What a wonderful reunion that will be. God bless and comfort you.
jill

I have always felt that my husband didn't really want to die. He was in a great place, emotionally, often acting like everything was great but then making bad decision after bad decision.... a cycle of negative feedback was going on. And I'm afriad I was no help him as I couldn't comprehend how he couold make such poor choices... I thought he just needed a slap across the face or being told off..... I really didn't have a clue.
I loved him and hated his behavior.


There is a concept a pastor friend of mine talked about called Egocide. It's not that they want to DIE as in game over... but they want a different game, they want a new set of circumstances, a new mind-- they want to kill the current line they are on and get on a new track-- sometimes they feel they are being driven by their ego, a part of themselves (in psychology is more complicated) but in this instance is the par of themselves that is screwing things up. hence the term "egocide".
I feel that this was what my H was doing. Not wanting life to be over-- not wanting to take a "pansy way out" as he always called it, and certainly he did not want to hurt us, especially his son.

BUt he was unlucky, and didn't commit his egocide correctly. He jumped off a bridge a friend of his had jumped from a year earlier as a stunt trick. He got to see his friend emerge and say "Wow! Glad I'm still alive!"
BUt that had been June, and H jumped in March, during spring run off and high water. He hit his head, and drowned.

How dreadfully unlucky...how sad.

But in the long run, this is what *I* think was going on. Some others agree with me, most people do. But the doctors and coroners, anyone else... there was no difference-- he committed an act that ended his life. Period.

woops

PS-- I watched that movie about The Bridge (GGB) jumpers. I think it's called The Bridge. The interview with the man who speaks about it now is really cool. There were people actually doing a study-- filming the bridge every day for a year.... seeing patterns.... seeing the same people every so often show up and grab on the railing, and look down... hope the movie goes to better training for any police or other task force types in the area.

This really made me think, thanks for sharing it. Ive heard about this guy but I didnt know the details.

So beautifully stated and so impacting! I KNOW my son had a moment of lucidity after he took the 300+ Tylenol PM, He called me and his father and 2 close friends before he collapsed.
Sadly, he suffered a horric death as he survived in ICU for nearly 3 weeks and was fully aware of had happened but couldn't talk as he was intubated. As tears flowed from his eyes and he would look at me with a most telling manner. It is haunting sight which still traumatizes me and I obsess about. So, yes you are right about their regret of their impulsive & desperate action. I will never cease agonizing about this discovery as his organs were slowly failing & ultimately leadin to his death.

I don't really think this applies to all completed suicides. A person who calls for help realizes his error. A person who paces a bridge is begging for help and acknowledgment. Freud is a bit retro at this point: "egocide" is an interesting term but it doesn't apply to full blown mental illness. There is no "ego" in the profoundly mentally ill. They are lost in a cycle of horror, they can't see themselves subjectively, they can't see the possibility of hope - not ALL mentally ill, but some. My daughter was schizo-affective and bipolar. Either of these diseases can be impossible to live with, but especially if combined. She fought it in her own way, she tried valiantly, but she was unable to admit her diagnosis and so was resistant to medication (even though she was taking an anti-psychotic). Once the bipolar aspect kicked in, that was the end. She knew I was there, I was there every second. She knew how much she was loved, how well protected by both me and her Dad, her future assured for her financially. She knew all she had to do was TELL ME and I would be there for her. But she didn't, she couldn't. There was no cry for help. There was only the need to ESCAPE the horror, the daily mental anguish, the terror of delusions and hallucinations, the manic state, the depressed state, back and forth (rapid cycling). No. She didn't want to be stopped. If only she had, I would still have her in my life.

I will probably be kicked off this board but I lost a co worker to suicide just two weeks ago. I have been suicidial for 35 years and when we get to that point, nothing matters and no one. We are not all mentally ill ( a reallly bad assumption, we are not crazy, we are sad and hurt). We just have been treated like "shit" all of our lives, that does not make you mentally ill, it makes you hurt and sad. When no one cares about you, you have nothing left to lose so you give all the people that hate or not care about you what they want - you off the face of the earth. Think about that the next time you see someone, they may be someone with nothing to lose and at that point, they do not believe anybody will be affected because they know no one likes or loves them. Whether you do or not, it is not coming clear to them. You may blame them for not seeing it or feeling it but it is not their fault. If you kick me off that is fine but you all need to know the truth. Your loved ones and my co-worker believed at the end he was uncared for, unloved and hated by all and he just gave all of us a favor and gave us what we wanted him gone. I am sorry but this is the truth. I have spoken to many suicidial patients. By the time it is their time, there are no words, no actions strong enough to cancel their horrible lives they are living. Remember love your friends like it is the last day you will see them and because just maybe it is.

I quess I write either very thought provoking or intruing statements because no one ever seems to answer or reply to me. Do I just say the right things or what? Seems like since my co-worker killed himself two weeks ago I would get a little support but obviously not.

My husband committed Suicide and i have thought about this so much he was inside a car when i found him. The ignition was in the off position and the door was ajar. I like to believe that maybe he changed hismind and it was just to late. I'll never know for sure but hold that close helps!!!!

My Husband took his life 6 weeks ago,but he was pleading for help by the mental health team he was being treated by here in the UK but they let him down.