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Wifes attempt on thanksgiving
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Hi all, I am new to this. I am 46 years old 2 sons 24 and 15 and 2 grad kids.I am a general contractor and sole bread winner. I have been married for 17 years, and we have know each other for 21 years. She is from down under and I am from california. She has always been fisty and straight to the point, no bs ing around, you knew where you stood. I love her and how she carried herself, ones own unique style. Over the years we have had the above normal problems, From my porn viewing 15 years ago, to the last 3 years, of our oldest son on herion. rehabs and more. His girl friend getting pregnet,haveing to have DNA tests due to her deceptions and lies regurding their relationship. My mother having dementa and care giving for her for over 2 years ( she is now in assisted living).

My wife has built up her drinking and several years ago fights have evolved to a higher level when she drinks (like my father). At one point she was arrested for an extreme DUI. She had to go to programs, jail time and fees had to be paid. Our fights have been more and more.

The fights are mostly started by her and her extreme rage and in defence I fight back because I am fed up with it.We do a dance, once I am in , its a loose loose for me, no way out but to walk away and get needled for reaction. Other fights are started by me in reguards to our sons and what they are going through and or her ratical behavior. Her father (adopted) now has stage 3 prostrate cancer and is in the beginig stages of dementia. My wife has been careing for him (over the phone). His 10 to 16 calls a day have defenitaly run her down. He came out in aug and that is when she dropped the bomb, he had molested her as a child. We all were blown away, no one knew. This is when all hell broke loose, her rage seemed to explode and at me! not the abuser.

My defending myself from her rage attacks with my own anger of being attacked, I am angry towards her for doing this in front of our 15 year old. Her father was very physical and verbaly abusive, now sexually abuse has been exposed. The fights are a no win for me, from her wanting to sell the house and live on the street to her telling our 15 year to find a ride home from school because she will not be picking him up due to the fact that she will be living on the street. These attacks kept going and going.And more and more irratical behavior.

She kept telling me she should have left my ass a long time ago and divorced me. She took off her rings and basicly distant herself. She went out looking for a job. ( She raised our kids and took care of the house duties, a more that full time job) She left at 4pm and by 12 mid night after no answer or message, I text my oldest son to see if she was there, he had no idea where she was. By 1;30 he found her but only said she was fine and she would be back in the morning. During the next 3 days, she crept out at 11pm to make a phone call, got caught in lies, and she claimed our oldest son knew where she was that night. So I am think affair, shes have an affair!

Many more verbal encounters

She picked a fight with me on a thursday night, and left the house 5 times back and forth in a complete rage, then drove a 6 hr trip to see her abusive father at 10;30 at night and came back the next night, a 22 hr road trip, Crazy! She then said wait and see what happens in 2 days!
In 2 days, nothing happened.

I have choose not to talk to her at all and do my thing (which is used by her, that I punish her by the silent treatment). Days before thanksgiving we both decited to be civil, it was great! we got along, talking laughing and just being a couple. I was on cloud nine. We have always been close, talking and laughing, fliting and very intimate over our 21 years. Thanksgiving evening she wanted to watch a movie, just the 2 of us.I was loving this. Then she brought up the past, her past ,my porno stuff of 15 years ago and she wanted to fight. I got up ,told I was not going to fight and left the room. she followed in now full rage, I took my son to his friend house, like I had done before.

I came back to 3 more confrontations, i left and came back when she was a sleep in the other room. What i did not know, she took 13 oxycoatons, (trip to her fathers, his meds). The next day, around 130 pm my 15 years sons found his mother in the bedroom,face swollen and very close to death. he called me in a panic. I called the paramedics, they gave her the electric jolt for her heartbeat, rushed her to the hospital. Her liver and kidneys were in danger of shutting down, or at best they would be damaged. For the next 4 days she recovered and supprised everyone. The phys released her from the hospital with out inpatient counseling, Big mistake!

Within 4 days, she is enrage again, telling our youngest son, that she had not finished what she started, I call crisis, I called them 3 more times in a week and a half. By dec 27 she was now acting like she was on cocain or meth. I have gone through everything in the house looking for anything and getting rid of any pill or alcohol, my oldest sons recovery meds. I finaly took her to the emergency room, she though it was 1996 feb 12th. They ran blood tests and scans and in 8 hrs there was no trace of anything in her blood, they told me she mental broke. They then released her. I went to the mental hospital the next day, they told me that she had had a stroke and delearium in the brain. On Dec 31 I had to pation the court to get her.

They came and got her at 11;50, by 4 am she was transfer to Good Sam. For the next few days, she had spinal taps, MRI s, and other tests, 6 doctors and when her mental statis was stable, they transfered her to the mental ward on Jan 7th to Jan 2oth. During that time, she was dianosed with pregresive dementa, brain damage. In 2 days the dianosed her with a rare brain disorder( dhsp??) toxins in the brain due to what she took) and in the last 4 days of her stay, she made a complete recovery! What a blessing a second lease on life.

Now because she is all better, the ahcss insurance may not cover her bills. The mental ward released her and because she is good to go, they can not make her go to and counseling, any programs, just check ups for her meds.

She has been back a week and a day, as of today. Within 4 hoursof her getting back, she started, pissy mood, fights me on the doctors orders to be watched for several days, taking meds complete resentment. By the second day, I am blamed for making most of this up, turning her friends against her, that the doctors don't know what they are doing and so on and so on. I am back to where we started. She made a statement to my youngest son that I am the reason that she wanted to kill herself.

Most importantly, is the protection of my son! I have him in counseling, school and out source, friends and backing and support from all.

My oldest son is in denial, and still has that druggy brain, sleeps untill 1pm, but he does work and cares for his kids, regiously! But does not want to deal with his mother situation.And he resents me when I get on his ass to do anything. (like his mother) The kids are torn apart, my oldest with his mother, and my youngest with me.

I do remodels and before Nov, we were ok, 10,000 on a cc, and jobs in the future , ready to go. loosing all the jobs during this time of chaos and with the med bills, (no insurace) I am now 140,000.00 in the hole, Being blamed for everything by her, protecting my youngest son and trying to keep order and security for all. I am at my wits end! I want out, is that wrong?? I feel that I have done more than my fair share, and that I am being drained of everything I have.being draing of my being!. I am trying to get 2 jobs right now and I will get them, catch up on my bills (2 months now behind), get a savings, and see where I am at and see where my son is at. He is fed up with his mother and brother. On a postive note, our father and son relationship as grown a lot stronger.So I am making several plans for the near future. This of couse will change, due to that she has not gottne help for what the issues are in the first place, After years of fighting me on seeing a counsler, she is now open to it, as long as its her pick.

Its been hell!
Posted on 01/28/12, 11:26 am
18 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
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Reply #1 - 01/28/12  12:05pm
" You're in a serious predicament. Your wife appears to be suffering from some underlying psychosis or personality disorder. Her drinking must have been self medication. You mention a court order, did the hospital get legal guardianship of her? Because of the damn HIPA laws you can't even talk to her psychiatrist but I would let him know what's going on even though he can't discuss her case with you. I'd dole out those meds, wouldn't trust her with them. If she behaves in a way that is threatening, call the crisis hotline at the hospital and ask for an intervention. It seems to me she needs psychiatric testing and perhaps long term hospital care to determine if the medications are the right ones for her. You do have to protect your son but you don't know what the result will be should you take him and leave the home. Getting legal guardianship over someone for the purpose of having them hospitalized is very expensive and the courts are very slow to give it. Hospitals usually can do this easily. Since she's willing to see a counselor, I would do that, let her choose one. If a therapist sees she's erratic and out of control, s/he has the authority to have her hospitalized. Meanwhile your 15 yo son definitely needs counseling to help him cope with this horror at home. "
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Reply #2 - 01/29/12  1:08pm
" Thank you for the digestions, I he done pretty much what you have said. Its been calm for a day,strickly because we are gone.

Thanks "
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Reply #3 - 01/29/12  11:44pm
" I read your story with great attention. It's just overwhelming, and the fact that you are still fighting on your family's behalf is an incredible testament to your character. Unbelievable. You have a lot to be proud of. I am glad you realize the affects all of this will have on your son and that you need to protect him. This must be so hard for him, well for both of them. I am glad your relationship has grown through this. I have been through hell over the last 5 years or so, but there have been some rewards and incredible lessons learned. Your tenacity is inspiring. "
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Reply #4 - 01/31/12  10:04pm
" Thankyou, Before this forum, even though I talked with friend and relatives (not a lot) I felt that their heads were nodding yes , but unless you experiance this , no one really understands the intensity. I have sadly shut off to her, every time I try to help, I am blamed by her for turning her family ,friends against her. They no longer check in to see how eveyone is doing, which means to me that she has menipulated her friend s again. Oh well, you find out really quick how this all works. So, thats fine, its my son and I. My other son has now be convinced by her that I over exaggerated the situation. How can one exaggerate a attempt of suicide?? Crazy how she make light of all of it. thanks "
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Reply #5 - 02/09/12  12:39pm
" I am so sorry that you're going through this. It seems like theres been a huge separation in your family and I can only imagine how difficult that must me. Your wife making light of the situation is actually her being in denial and not wanting to take responsibility for her problem. I'm really sad to hear what you're going through! Try to keep your head up! "
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Reply #6 - 02/10/12  3:27am
" Nobody should use the kids, not as a alibi or make tem lie in any way. That teaches them that's okay. What will they think in the future. LET HER see what could happen if the child needs help and plays this game in the future He will lie to her when he needs her and your help. My kids are older and this has happened, they were protecting me because they didn't want to hurt me. It wasn't taught to them, and now they are better off , I can't fix every thing but they know I'll will help them If they tell me . "
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Reply #7 - 02/10/12  3:46am
" Who did your wife loose to cause all this? "
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Reply #8 - 02/10/12  8:38am
" The secret of her fathers sexual abuse came out. No one knew. When her father became vanurable,(cancer dementia). This was like a bomb going off. Rage,blame, odd and crazy behavior. Just like.....snapped! "
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Reply #9 - 02/10/12  3:36pm
" I'm here in az too, try lookin into treatment at banner Scottsdale behavioral health facility. She sounds like she's suffering a serious mental illnss.
I had a breakdown last june,not as serious but something just snapped.....turns out I'm bipolar, with no history of mood disorders.... "
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Reply #10 - 02/10/12  11:38pm
" i wish you well, she was going to go to banner, but was given an option to do out patient, that did not work. she finially landed in good sam off of mcdowell, that was great, then the mental ward to see how she was doing. Now she is out as if nothing happened, but the problems remain, and resentments are stronger than ever. It s like waiting for a bomb to go off, I know it will happen but when. I am very emotionally drained. You put your heart and feelings out there for years, with no thought other than love for your partner. Then you become the scapegoat, and your feeling and heart get majorly hurt, hurt like never before. I am frustrated, its a loose loose for me. If I help, she attacks, if I dont she shuts off . I feel horriable for her, yet, she sees it a different way than I do. I may seem one sided, but I am in protection mode for my son and I . And honestly, right now, I am the only one watching out for him. Thank you for your comment, this is such a hard time for many. "

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