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Gay/bi friend who hasn't come out
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Hi everyone. I have a friend who I have known for five years now throughout high school and now into our freshman year of college. He has dated many girls in these five years and no one has really openly questioned his sexual orientation. I, on the other hand, have always had my doubts for some reason. Last week, I went into his dorm room to check something on his computer (with his permission) and when the laptop went off of standby, manhunt.net (a website for "gay dating, chats, and hookups") was on the screen and he was logged into his account. I didn't pry further into his account, but I could see his pictures and that he had new messages in his inbox, so I know he's pretty active on the website.
I feel really bad that he has to hide this from everyone. I want him to know I support him and that he can tell me, but I'm not sure how to tell him this without him thinking that I invaded his privacy. Should I let this go and let him continue his double life alone or should I bring it up to him? I hope I posted this on the right forum :). Thanks so much! Posted on 04/24/10, 09:50 pm |
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I think if you are close with him and make it very clear that you love and support him for who he is no matter what then in time he will tell you when he is ready 
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ok this may be dumb, but if he knew you were going to use his computer, he may have left it that way to tell you, or if you didn't close it, and he knows you were on his computer while it was up then he knows you know.
Ok that was a little convoluted, i hope you understood that. You can wait till he is ready to come out, or you can make a supportive loving comment about it and make it clear to him that is is absolutly no big deal to you, and that you don't think he's weird. I had a friend in high school who was gay, and i knew he was gay for about 6 months before he acatually told me. and when he did decide to tell me i knew it was comming because he was trying to tell me while having an anxiety attack about what i was going to say, because he loved me as his friend, and was terrified i would walk away from him like so many of his other friends had. When he finally outed to me, i said, "I was wondering when you were going to get around to telling me." and i smiled at him. then he stopped hyperventelating, and went all shocked, "You knew? Why didn't you say something? I was so afraid to tell you." and i smiled again and i said, "I was waiting for you to figure it out." and i begged him not to drop out when he went from being called "Big Joe" to "Joey" (in a not so nice tone) by half the school. I didn't win that argument btw. Just be there, if you want to wait for him to tell you, maybe makeing it clear how non homophobic you are, will help him tell you sooner. Be Well :)
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I wouldn't press, because I know how my friend felt when his other friends pressed the issue with him. He will tell you openly when he's ready. Just be part of the awaiting support :]
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Let this go. He will bring it up if he wants to.
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