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My man doesn't know I know he's on the Down Low
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I just found out that my boyfriend of 5 years confided in his dad that he has not been intimate with me because he has been desiring me. He loves me and wants a life with me and just tells me he is going to change his ways because he's been doing a lot of other crap and that he is willing to go to counceling again. He once said he will have sex with me because I want to even though he won't enjoy it. I won't accept that. He doesn't know I know he desires men. How am I to handle this?
Posted on 02/10/09, 06:02 pm |
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Stop playing with the clock of your life. Confront his with physical proof. Then leave him as a lover. Stand by him as a friend. He will need you now more than ever.
Also, realize that you may go through a period of morning. Its like a death. Its the death of a relationship and dreams you had for each other. There will be: Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me." Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.[1] Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?" Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy. Bargaining — "Just ;pve me any way you can."; "I'll do anything for a few more years with you." The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay a separation. Usually, the simulated "normal" relationship is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will not be foremost in his life, but if I could just have more time..." Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to be alone . . . What's the point?"; "I miss the man I loved, why go on?" During the fourth stage, the betrayed person begins to understand the certainty of a departure. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the hurt person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I meet another person, I may as well prepare for it." This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the closing of that relationship. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the struggle. Good Luck 
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How do you know he desires men? Has he told you?
Regardless, I think you two should hold off and just be very good friends. You don't want him sexually because he doesn't desire you and that is perfectly reasonable. It seems clear that he really needs some freedom to figure out who he really is. It doesn't really make sense to try and fit two pieces together when they don't fit...even if you want them to very badly. Stay strong, Owl
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