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How do I deal now that he's so secretive?
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My best friend "kind of" came out to me a few months ago. I can't say it was a surprise. I love him no matter what and I could care less who he chooses to love, but ever since this happened our friendship has been a chaotic mess. We used to be so close, but now he is so secretive it drives me crazy. He pulls me close, then pushes me away. He has met many new friends in the past few months and he spends most nights going out with them and getting drunk. He has also been in 2 relationships he called serious. My problem is that I don't know any of his new friends and have never met his boyfriends and he refuses to let me meet any of them. I am the only one who knows about his sexuality within our "circle" and it kills me that he choose to tell me then decided to cut me out of this part of his life.
He tells me all the time how much he loves me and needs me in his life, but his words don't match his actions. I know this has to sound very selfish and I try to remind myself that this is not about me, but it's hard when my best friend seems like a stranger. Can someone advise me or if I need it-knock some sense into me? Posted on 07/31/08, 12:07 pm |
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if he just cameout he still may find it hard and still going through a rough time its hard but just be supportive of him and let him know your there for him 
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yer it is a hard time comeing out it will be hard for him !
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I know EXACTLY how you feel!! My best friend/fiance came out to me about a month ago. When he came out to me, he told me that he loved me so much and that he needed me to help him through this process. So, I've pushed my feelings of heartbreak and hurt aside and have been nothing but supportive for him. Still, one day he'll call me and talk to me for hours and then the next day, he ignores all of my calls and won't have anything to do with me. I ask him about his life and feelings and sometimes he'll share, but usually he doesn't. I don't know what to do either, so I'm not sure that I can really help you. But one thing I do know is that it's not me, and it's not you. This has only to do with them. Remember, he's got a lot on his mind. If he's just now being honest with himself, then he has to take stock of his entire life and refigure out who he really is. And as much as you may want to help him figure everything out, there are some parts of the process that he needs to do alone. In the mean time though, you might try telling him, calmly, how you feel. Just tell him that you appreciate his friendship, but sometimes worry that he's pushing you away.
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he hasnt fully came out yet and you are still part of his normal life or to rephrase , what society thinks is normal.Part of him still wants to be normal its like he leads two different lives.He will eventually bring the two together just bear with him till then. when he finds the courage to tell family that hes gay believe me things will change.
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He still doesn't know or believe that you love and trust his judgment. He still believes there isn't acceptance from you. So what do you do.
In my opinion, if he has a boyfriend/girlfriend and you know who he/she is invite them to dinner but let it be a surprise. Also going to a PFLAG meeting is always an ice breaker and shows acceptance. Good Luck
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