What is Endometriosis
Endometriosis is a common medical condition where the tissue lining the uterus (the endometrium, from endo, "inside", and metra, "womb") is found outside of the uterus, typically a...
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Endo causing relationship issues w/my husband
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I have had endo for a long time. I started having problems when I was 13 & was of course told by my general practitioner that it was just "normal cramps" take a Tylenol. When I was 19 the problems started getting worse, my doctors kept trying to find out what was wrong but they were just trying to patch up the side affects. Two years later, two days before Christmas, I ended up in the emergency room thinking my appendix had ruptured or something. I was able to get into the emergency room & collapse at the nurses desk. I found out that a large cycst had ruptured on my right ovary. I went to 3 different obgyn's & finally the last one diagnosed endo.
I feel that I have been pretty lucky with it. I have talked to others with way bigger problems than I have. I have managed to handle it without further surgeries than the lap it took to diagnose me. I do not take pain meds as I hate the side affects. For 8 years I kept things at bay with birth control pills & did pretty good, ingoring the diahrea, cramps, painful urinaion & bowel movements during periods. I run a small business at home, am looking to take a college course to become a Medical Transcriptionist. I have two children & take care of my family & my home to the best of my ability. The problem: Though I am having larger issues with my endo for the last 8 months, (every month i have cycsts rupturing on my ovaries) I feel I do pretty well in dealing it. I keep going & do the best I can. My husband appearently does not agree! He constantly tries to get me to help him with his jobs around our place, construction on our rental unit, hauling coal for our coal stoves. I get chewed on for not having his laundry done every once in awhile. I get chewed on all the time for not being able to have enough sex with him to keep him happy. I don't have enough energy to keep him happy, I'm not "chipper" enough for him. I'm not the fun girl he met. I try to explain to him how I feel, that I do after all have a health problem that causes me to not have all the capabilities of a healthy 33 yr old woman~HE TOLD ME I AM "LETTING MY MISERIES GET THE BETTER OF ME"! For the record: He knew about my endo before we married~I told him immediately to avoid the "I didn't know you had problems" episode. I never hid the fact from him. He does not physically abuse me. I believe he does love me. I have no suspicions of him cheating. I do not want to leave him, He's a good guy but he just doesn't want to deal with this at all. He says there are "no problems~he's fine"! However, I am starting to feel alone & misunderstood & emotionally...overrought & empty at the same time! I have offered to go to counseling with him. To go see my specialist with him so he can hear from someone other than me that I AM NOT FAKING THINGS OR TRYING TO GET OUT OF DOING WORK! I have offered to go talk to our minister with him. HE WONT GO~THERE IS NO PROBLEM! I don't want to leave him, we have, or should I say, had a good relationship before my endo started up bad again. Really, I thought endo was tough to handle but I cannot take my husband dissmissing how I feel, trying to get me to do part of his work for him when I can barely accomplish my own, pestering me about sex all the time & telling me I'm "overdoing it" when I occasionally wince in pain for a few seconds without thinking! What am I thinking, wincing in pain? I suppose I am supposed to stay perfectly erect & act as if nothing is going on when it feels as if someone just stabbed me in an ovary with a hot poker? DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVISE FOR HANDLING HUSBANDS WHO JUST WANT TO INGNORE THE ISSUE ---OTHER THAN LEAVING HIM? I am tired of feeling like it's all my fault & I should just act like there is nothing wrong with me or him! Someone? Anyone? Posted on 04/09/09, 01:04 pm |
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I am one of the lucky ones, and thank my lucky stars for it every single day. My spouse has OCD and some health problems as well so we are very supportive of one another. I am lucky now, but I haven't always been. When I was a teen most of my family listened to the doctors that would tell me that it was in my head or that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. When I was finally diagnosed they didn't know what to think... it was a long word that they didn't understand and it was just "girl stuff" to the men in my family.
This is a youtube about Endo. that is short, to the point, and very easy to understand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-i... I hope it helps, Amanda 
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Hi, Tina!
I am truly sorry to hear of the impact Endo has had on your marriage. It really is a monster that takes over everything in your life. I have stage 4 Endo with sever chronic pain. I was even on morphine for 3 years, since the pain was so bad, and I could no longer afford trips to the ER to manage the pain when it got out of hand. Unfortunately, because the endo became unmanageable, my husband felt helpless. You see, he is an emergency doctor. Every day he saves people's lives, but when he comes home and is unable to help his wife, he feels like a failure. It caused a lot of damage to our relationship because he was unable to cope with it. In fact, we also separated and almost divorced. He went through a severe depression, and the cost of treatments for endo really hit us hard financially. Even now, I'm working in SA, while my husband is working in Canada. It is very hard. My husband was always loving and supportive, but it got too much for him to see me suffering constantly. He knows the ins-and-outs of endo better than I do. So, yes, I do agree that education is important. If your husband has better knowledge of what Endo is, the pain you suffer and exactly the effect Endo has on your body, he may be more understanding and supportive. Communication is key! Unfortunately, men don't talk. And if he doesn't want to go for counselling, it will not work. Do not underestimate the power of the male ego. Your husband needs to feel that he is in control. It scares him that he has no control over your Endo. It makes him feel helpless. And when a man is backed into a corner, he lashes out. It is not you that he is frustrated with, it his himself and his own inability to control the situation. This is where education helps. If he knows what Endo is, how to treat it and what to do to keep it in control, he will feel more secure and less helpless. Try to work on your communication with each other. And be patient. a man is very stubborn, and takes a long time to come around. Be gentle and encouraging, never forceful. For myself, I can say that focusing on my relationship with God has been my strength. Place it all in His hands. He is the creator of our universe. He is the greatest expert you can find. I wish you well. I'm here if you ever need to chat. God bless and take care! Love, Michelle
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I'm so sorry.... You should tell your husband he's blessed you can have sex... I miss sex... . It is so unbearably painful for me, I haven't had any in a while... I mean, it hurts so bad I black out practically...
Your husband is a lucky man. You are doing really well considering the pain endo causes.
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