Empty Nests Support Group

No, you don't sound daft...we are all going through the same thing here. It will be good for her to live at the university...we all want our children to become independent adults...but it hurts so much.When we dropped our son at the university for the first year, I sobbed all the way home(3 hours!)I don't think I ever told him that. And, I cried again this year when he left on his own for his FOURTH year! Believe me, this takes a long time. Expect to cry...A LOT! Then just try to keep busy...that's about all the advice I can give. Take care.

Because she is only an hour away, you can get together sometimes for a meal or she can come home easily on a weekend or a vacation.You will feel better, but for now,it is very difficult. I even get sad reading how sad reading everyone's posts!

Hi jackhow1213, I am speaking as a daughter of a father. I want to encourage you to tell her how you feel. This is a note from my Dad, I've kept it for over 25 years. It meant the world to me and still does. My dad wasn't one for talking emotion. This was a note inside a card he gave me. "Honey, I want you to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. I will worry about you even though your only 1 hour away because I'm your Dad, thats my job. Whats important to know is that I will be here for you if you need me. You need to always know I'm in your cormer. Never be afraid of coming to me for anything, I can share the good as well as the difficult. Even though I haven't always told you, you are a light of my life and I love you. I know you'll be busy with school and friends but I'd love it if you'd let your old Dad take you out for lunch every few weeks to keep caught up with each other. You'll alway be your Daddys girl no matter how old you are and I want you to always remember that. I Love You, Dad"
My dad passed away a year and 1/2 ago at age 84 from Cancer, I still have that letter. I could never part with it, its my most cherished possession. Good Luck.

We went to the open day and guess what I cried there. Because I suppose the reality hit me that she was going to university and moving out.She got a bit angry with me then saying did I not want her to get a better education .I do want her to make the best of life.Here I am being being daft again but I would like her to travel to university, instead of digs .i suppose I could write a note for her to tell how i feel because she feels i think I`m trying to stop her getting an education not so
.Wonder if I would feel the same if she move out because she got married .
Thank you for the advice all of you
Iam going to need support through this .I`m crying as I write this
Sorry!

You are not daft! Our kids get impatient with us if we show to much emotion over their leaving. They don't understand and why would they? They won't understand until it is their time to let go.I have friends who live in the city and some of their kids go to university there and STILL take appartments with friends just to be on their own.An hour away is a bit inconvienient to commute though. Would mean getting up extra early, losing study time etc. Maybe write her a letter and tell her how happy you are for her, but that you miss her and it is painful for a mother to see her child leave home for the first time.

We're all going through the same thing in this group --- I'm glad you're here. You are certainly Not daft! There are days when I sob over my daughter getting ready to move out. She's never seen me cry though. But I think it's a natural reaction to miss a child when they move out, if you're close to that child at all. I signed up for this group a couple months ago when my daughter started talking about buying a home. I knew I was going to need support. She's my only child, and I am single, so there's going to be a big hole left. The best thing I can recommend is to reach out to others, and to try to develop interests of your own (I discovered all my interests centered around her, so I'm trying to find new ones).
God bless you, and I'll see you here on the Boards.
Kathleen

We have to let them get on with their lives. I was miserable two weeks ago and today I am much better so give it time.

Heavyheart- you made me tear up with that post about your Dad's letter.

i had a weep at work yesterday after a work mate asked when she was going to university not her fault she wasn`t to know how i was feeling.Does this get better, I keep praying for comfort and I am trying not to feel so bad over this .
I was so proud of my son who tried to hack uni digs last year but couldn`t felt homesick had to pack in the course which wasn`t the right one anyway,the college sorted the wrong out for him and he came home .While he was in uni i went to visit him took him for a meal then we went to the pictures.When i had to leave that was the first time i cried over him not before he went or when he move in maybe because of how proud I was of him .
The worst fear is that I don`t want my daughter go through the same thing as my son who cried to me on the phone almost every day.
It going to seem so strange without her.it is normal to feel like this before she even gone

Hi jackhow,

If your daughtr is sad, she can come home and commute.It will definately get better.I was in agony before my son left in mid august and for about1 week after.Yhen I started to feel better. I still think of him and miss him every day, but I have good, relaxing moments as well. I think that most here will agree that the days leading up to their departure and the days immediatly after are the worst. After that, you kind of adjust and life goes on (with an occasional meltdown!).

I know exactly how you feel! I have another son who lives a few miles away, but he has his own life and that's ultimately what we taught them to do right? One thing I will suggest, is not to keep it bottles up and away from her. It's ok to tell her in a way that merely says "I miss you" WITHOUT handing her a guilt trip for growing up.

Sometimes, I think I do that with my son who is a short ways away. He's so close so why not pop in on the weekend? Well, because like all of us, he uses his free time to attend to his life.
It's all so hard. A strong marriage with that companionship increasing to fill the void can help, but unfortunately, (and I NEVER thought my husband and I would fall victim to this) when the kids are gone, the common bond is too. We have a strong marriage, but it's not doing well under the strain of it being "just us." I thought we would be that wild and crazy couple who bounced back into our "pre-kid" life....all the laughter, passion and spontaneity. So, there is another feeling of loss to deal with. I don't know how to get through it. Like any loss, it takes time. We have to "grieve." Then one day, I guess we wake up and feel like we can move on. Good luck to you. Hang in there. It's good to know you're not alone.